Anyone who knows me knows that I have an unhealthy obsession with Las Vegas. Being a movie nerd who has a blog called "The Frustrated Dinosaur," you might not think of me as the Rat Pack, Sin City type... but man, do I love that ridiculous town. After reading the interesting (though cruddily written) nonfiction book "Winner Takes All: Steve Wynn, Kirk Kerkorian, Gary Loveman, and the Race to Own Las Vegas," I decided to finally start writing the Vegas screenplay I always knew I had in me (and besides, it will give me a reason to do some "research trips" to Sin City.) It also made me think about why, exactly, do I love such a willfully stupid place. So here is my list of reasons that I love Vegas so much.
I'M AN OVERGROWN KID AT HEART:
and Vegas appeals directly to that type of person. In the early to mid-nineties, a bunch of the new resorts being built on the strip were designed for "family fun." Quickly casino builders realized a pretty obvious point... Vegas is not really the best place for the little ones, and the pirate themed "Treasure Island," featuring an action packed stunt show starring swashbuckling buccaneers became "TI," featuring a similar stunt show with scantily clad babes. But the "Disneyification" of Vegas was still happening, and the Casino moguls realized they should just keep building mega casinos that appealed to the 21 and over set. This is how Vegas became Disneyland for adults... and man, do I love Disneyland. I've always dreamt of becoming an Imagineer, and Vegas has kinda turned into an extension of that Fantasyland for grown ups (though the rides are not nearly as good as Disney's.) The town is filled with overdesigned fakery, which leads me to...
I REALLY LOVE OVERDESIGNED FAKERY:
I don't really know why, but I just do. I love being on movie sets and backlots, I love (as I said) Disneyland and other theme parks that are something more than just groups of roller coasters thrown together, and I love the huge and stupid Vegas mega casinos. I've never been to Paris or Venice, and I'm pretty sure they're much nicer than Paris Las Vegas or The Venetian (though the rooms in the Venetian are super nice,) but I get a kick out of the way the designers try to place you in these different, fantasy locations... even though everything around you is clearly fake and pales in comparison to the real thing. I can't really explain it, but I really enjoy that artifice, that attempt to immerse you in a fantasy world, in a living story. It's what Disney does best, but Vegas does pretty damn well themselves.
YOU GET TO PRETEND YOU'RE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT AND DO THINGS YOU WOULDN'T DO IN ANY OTHER TOWN:
I actually look pretty good (and always feel pretty great,) in a tux, and I think I mostly pull it off because I get to live my Frank Sinatra/ Rat Pack dreams when I wear one, and going to Vegas indulges the same fantasy. I get to imagine I'm part of the Rat Pack as I stride down the strip, I get to pretend I'm a way cooler high roller than I really am when I sit down at a Roulette table as a cocktail waitress brings me a free drink. The genius marketers who came out with the "What Happens in Vegas Stays In Vegas" slogan hit it right on the head... it's one of the most honest marketing phrases in history. The town encourages you to cut loose and indulge in vices you would never have imagined yourself doing in the past. Wanna go to a strip club even though you're not a "strip club guy?" Go for it, you're in Vegas! Your regular rules don't apply. And hey, why not, put down forty on black... normally you're uptight with money, but just let it ride. You might win, and if you don't, shrug it off... you're in Sin City, you're supposed to go home with lighter pockets.
YOU CAN WALK ON THE STREET WITH OPEN CONTAINERS OF LIQUOR:
This is not a small perk... this is truly awesome. Because in most cities, laws against walking around with open containers are perfectly reasonable and logical. They keep drunken fools from stumbling at sober citizens who don't want do deal with them... but in Vegas, we're ALL drunken fools. Plus, it's really fun to carry your drink with you casino to casino. Helps you feel like one of those Gin swilling Rat Packers (man, could those guys drink at a truly legendary level.)
SLEAZE IS IN THE TOWN'S DNA:
No matter how expensive Steve Wynn's new mega resorts are, no matter how classy they try to market themselves as, there will always be sleaze in Vegas... this is a town built by mobsters and gambling, a town where prostitution is practically legal, and where you can, well drink open containers of liquor on the streets. As you approach a 2.7 billion dollar casino meant to evoke class and beauty, you pass obnoxious dudes slapping together cards with phone numbers of escort girls in your face. Sure it's obnoxious, but it's Vegas! The old, smoky casinos, many of which have been imploded to make way for big new ones, will never totally go away, and who doesn't love a little old fashioned sleaze, every once in awhile? You don't really get Vegas until you sit down in one of the older Casinos when it's nearing five in the morning, talk to the old bartender serving you cheap Jack and Cokes about how long he's lived there, and observe compulsive gamblers waiting desperately for one of their slot machines they've been pumping full of money for hours to pay out as forty year old cocktail waitresses wearing ill fitting uniforms designed for much younger women keep bringing them watered down free cocktails. Sure, that might sound sad to you... but it's part of the weirdness, part of what makes it Vegas. It always will be, no matter how grand The Wynn, The Bellaggio, or the new planned City Center are. And I love that crazy contradiction.
BUFFET!:
Though Vegas's reputation as a town for discerning foodies has grown in the last fifteen years, with world famous celebrity chefs opening five star restaurants in the mega-casinos, no Vegas trip is complete without a trip to one of the town's signature culinary attractions... the buffet! Keeping in theme with the town's entire aura of excess, it's always a blast to gorge yourself by going down the line and stacking your plate with various foods that shouldn't usually be eaten in the same meal, whether it be at The Wynn's super fancy and delicious buffet ($34 per person,) or at a cheaper $5.95 buffet that includes stomach problems with the low price. You might be on a diet, but indulge yourself while you're in Vegas. You won't regret it (except for the stomach thing. That you might regret.) Added bonus, on Sunday Brunch buffets... free crappy Mimosas!
THE SHEER DIVERSITY OF ENTERTAINMENT OPTIONS:
You've gotta catch at least one show while you're in town, right? You can check out world class entertainers like Elton John or Jerry Seinfeld or one of the 57 different Cirque Du Soleil shows playing on the strip. But if French Candian gymnasts with $150 ticket prices aren't your bag, there are a whole lot of options for fun Las Vegas discount shows. From Vegas's resident Neil Diamond impersonator, the one who the real Mr. Diamond has said is his favorite in the world, to cheesy magic shows, Vegas has everything. The strip even features a topless vampire show called "Bite," and any town with the balls to open a topless vampire review show called "Bite" is worth visiting in my book.
IT'S JUST SO DAMN BIG, LOUD, AND STUPID:
Almost defiantly, Vegas is tasteless, crude, stupid, and over the top. Basically, it's a pretty good metaphor for America. Maybe you'll say it's a metaphor for what's wrong with America... the super commercialized, loud, and stupid parts of American culture that French snobs in the real Paris (not the gaudy recreation in Vegas) love to turn their noses at. But let's not forget, those people idolize Jerry Lewis. Vegas is all about fun and play, and it is stupid... but why overanalyze or criticize it when you can walk down the street from fake New York to fake Rome, pass a show featuring Prince and Michael Jackson impersonators on the street, drink cheap beer at a dolphin habitat, or order Chicken Wings while lounging by the side of a pool? Even the the progressive minded and glittery new CityCenter complex, with its green friendly hotels and emphasis on natural light over the traditional casino strategy of using ugly flourecents to confuse gamblers about the time of day, also happens to be the most expensive privately funded construction project in the history of the country and ended up kind of looking like a large airport. Vegas is big and stupid, and I love it for that.
Also, you can totally drink on the streets! Did I mention that already?
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