Is this really what people want? “Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest” is a bloated mess without a coherent story or one compelling character. Despite these problems, it has broken every record Hollywood has in it’s first week of release. In it’s opening weekend, it grossed $135 million- smashing “Spiderman’s” previous record by far. It grossed over $100 million in just two days- the first movie to ever do so. It has continued to pile up it’s grosses throughout the week, staying strong even as people have gone back to work. By Friday, the movie will probably cross the $200 million mark-which will inevitably break another record.
I get why everyone went out to see it opening weekend. I wanted to like this movie as much as everyone else did. The first “Pirates” was a surprise blast- a movie based on a theme park ride that actually was a lot of fun, largely due to Johnny Depp’s unhinged performance as Captain Jack Sparrow. But the original was a bit too long, wearing out it’s welcome by a good half hour.
The sequel commits the same sins as the original, to a far worse degree. “Dead Man’s Chest” is longer than the first movie, and ten thousand times more boring. Depp is back as Sparrow, but he seems just as bored as I was while watching the movie, and just as lost as to what the fuck is actually going on in the story. The script is the main failure with this movie. Disney saw that they had a hit franchise and (smartly, considering the grosses) decided to make two sequels at once. Unfortunately, that meant they decided to attempt to pump up a fun adventure franchise into a “Lord of the Rings” size epic. Yet the story the filmmakers are telling is not an epic or grand- only the running time feels epic length.
The “story,” or what there is of it, is some mumbo jumbo about the search for Davey Jones’s chest, in which the undead pirate’s heart is locked away. But to open the chest, someone must steal the key that Jones has with him at all times. That is all there really is to it, and it takes the movie over 150 minutes to tell the simple story. Sure, the movie tries to explore the theme that Cap’n Jack is a scoundrel who is really a good man at heart- but didn’t we cover that territory in the last movie? And really, I personally cannot for the life of me give a shit about Orlando Bloom or Keira Knightley’s relationship. It’s supposed to be the heart of the movie, but they are both so damned boring.
There are a few pleasures to be had throughout the movie. Davey Jones is a scary villain, and he is realized through some amazing special effects coupled with a great performance by the always wonderful Bill Nighy. A few of the action sequences are entertaining and well staged, but they are surprisingly few and far between, while the endless, pointless scenes between set pieces are unendurably boring. There are some good moments in Depp’s performance, but only a few this time. Where is the spark of life and mischief that made everyone fall in love with Captain Jack in the first movie?
“Dead Man’s Chest” is shockingly dull. Just when it begins to feel like it’s never going to end, something interesting finally begins to develop and the movie actually begins to tell a story. So of course that means it’s time for the picture to fade and the lights to go up. To be continued, see you next year, let’s break another record next time. Maybe the third movie will redeem this film, maybe the second film was just a stumbling block to get us to Part 3- but I don’t have much faith in the franchise after watching “Dead Man’s Chest.”
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2 comments:
Yeah I was pretty ho-hum on the first one and I thought a sequel was where you could correct misakes. Instead this movie was boring as hell, and totally lame. I think I even sort of fell asleep. I could have wrote that movie. When I was twelve. Major league suckage. And a lot of people I have talked to have actually enjoyed this movie. Morons.
Count me as one of those morons! The first time I watched the movie was at midnight in New York City and the audience was going nuts but I was really tired and bored and couldn’t wait to get out of the theater. Still, some things stuck in my brain like popcorn remnants in my teeth (there were probably some of those too). So I took my brother to see it the following week and I loved the hell out of it. So what if it’s so long? They cram more gags, set pieces, and devices into those two hours + that barely a moment is wasted. And Davy Jones truly is a towering achievement. He’s without a doubt one of the greatest screen monsters ever. Plus, I loves me some cliffhangers. (I will agree that Depp seemed oddly subdued – that could have to do with the grandness of everything else around him or the fact that it’s just not the same surprise as when we saw the first one, either way – Disappointment.)
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