Somtimes I Read Books. Somtimes I Wish I Hadn't.

Douglas Coupland’s “jPod” is an infuriating novel. An update of Coupland’s great, dot com era defining “Microserfs,” this is “postmodern” writing at it’s most annoying, self indulgent, and empty. A desperate stab at defining the zeitgeist of today, the book is more useful to analyze just how much of a pompous ass the once compelling author has become.

There is no story being told here. The book is a random series of events with a bunch of “outrageous” elements thrown in- gangsters, drug grow-ops, militant lesbians, murder, and ball-room dancing- all thrown in to mask the utter lack of a cohesive story, compelling characters, or interesting theme. None of the characters in the book care about anything, and I get it- that’s all part of Coupland’s point or theme or message- but who cares? They don’t care about anything and as readers, we don’t give two shits about them either. So why should we read this garbage?

The book centers on Ethan, a programmer at a big corporate video game company whose team is constantly being forced to make ill-conceived changes to the game they are working on by executives who know nothing about video games. As much as I could relate to this conflict after spending eight months in the BVG Think Tank, it just wasn’t compelling as a novel. I could nod along and (occasionally) laugh at some of Coupland’s observations, but I couldn’t get myself to give a shit about what was happening in the book. The main problem, again, is that the characters don’t seem to care much either, beyond rolling their eyes a bit. The series of events in this novel (I’m not going to compliment it with the term “plot,”) just feels like everyone is going through the motions. Even when Ethan ends up stranded in remote regions of China, it just makes you shrug. Nothing registers emotionally in this unimaginative, overly long book. What few clever moments of satire there are to be found throughout the book are not worth slogging through the entire brick of a novel to get to.

Most annoying of all are the “clever literary tricks” Coupland insists on including throughout the book. There are long passages of random numerals, just meant to illustrate the weird games Ethan and his co-workers play with eachother. Coupland used the same device in “Microserfs,” but to an end that had a point- and not over twenty pages of numerals at a time like he does in “jPod.” Worse yet, he writes himself into the novel, having his characters discuss his work at great length. I honestly don’t believe tech geeks read Coupland novels- it’s hipsters who are the only ones still dumb enough to fall for his tired tricks these days. If their constant discussions of Coupland’s novels (including a ludicrous scene in which they decide “Melrose Place” was a ripoff of his first novel, “Generation X,” a book that is notable mostly because it coined the title phrase,) were not narcissistic enough, he actually inserts himself into the novel. He plays Ethan’s foil and ultimate savior. In the end, it turns out the entire premise of the novel is that Coupland met Ethan and wrote the book based on his life. I hope he didn’t make up this drivel, because then he’d truly be damned.

An annoying, dull book. Coupland has been going through a weird period in his last few novels, growing more indulgent and depressing. In his return to “clever satire,” he fails again. I hope he bounces back and writes something great again. I think he has it in him, but he’s not going to find it with his head so far up his ass.