The Frustrated Dinosaur

"All I Ask Is One Thing... Please Do Not Be Cynical"

2010-01-25T17:25:00.000-08:00

Conan O'Brien signed off as host of "The Tonight Show" on Friday night after seven all too brief months. I know all my friends (and anybody who'd be interested in reading what I have to say on my blog, which is even an even more forgotten internet stop than MySpace) watched it, but here's his emotional and beautiful farewell speech (before his joyous, Will Ferrell-led performance of "Freebird") which you should watch again, because it's just that good:

Thousands and thousands of words have been written about the drama surrounding Conan's involuntary resignation after less than a year in his dream job. Many things have been said about NBC's mishandling of the mess, about the fact that NBC president Jeff Zucker should be the one leaving his gig, and about Jay Leno's seemingly Machiavellian maneuverings, which have exposed the lie in his nice guy persona. But I don't want to talk about the negatives or the show biz scandal or the drama anymore... Conan advised his young fans to not be cynical, and it's advice worth taking to heart. I want to talk about why Conan O'Brien means so much to me and my generation.

Conan O'Brien, the lanky, nerdy, red-headed Irishman who somehow ended up with a talk show despite his lack of performance experience, has become the defining comedic voice of the last twenty years. Conan's resume can be used as a map to trace the most important comedic touchstones of the last two decades. O'Brien was a writer for SNL in an era that launched the careers of Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Chris Rock, David Spade, Dana Carvey, and Mike Myers, some of whom are still huge stars to this day. Conan wrote on The Simpsons during possibly their best season, and is credited with scripting some of the show's most beloved episodes, including the monumentally funny "Marge Vs. The Monorail." And in 1993, the brainy, Harvard educated writer was given the opportunity to take over NBC's Late Night franchise from his hero, David Letterman (when Letterman left NBC to host his own show on CBS after losing out on The Tonight Show to Jay Leno in eerily similar circumstances.) We've all know the history of Conan's show... he started out as a slightly awkward and nervous host who evolved into one of the most unique TV personalities working today. Conan built on what Letterman did with Late Night and did his own thing, developing an absurd, proudly silly, strange, cracked, yet rarely mean (and never cynical) brand of humor that my generation has grown up on. Conan himself developed into a fearless performer, an endearingly self-deprecating talk show host who never cared about looking cool and who would put himself and his show through anything to earn a laugh. Conan is also a Jedi-like student of comedy, and he's been on the cutting edge of the medium, helping to launch the careers of edgy and strange alt-comedians while helping to birth a new kind of geekdom, the "comedy nerd." He's been rewarded with celebrity guests who don't just come on his show to plug their movies and shows, but because they're clearly fans of Conan himself. Look at Will Ferrell, Alec Baldwin, and Tom Hanks when they sit on Conan's couch... they're there because they enjoy talking to him, not just because they're selling their latest projects. And there's nothing better than seeing one of his guests (or long time side-kick Andy Richter, who returned to Conan's side when he started hosting "The Tonight Show" after a seven year absence from "Late Night") make Conan himself burst out into a fit of surprised and delighted laughter.

One of the biggest fears that fans had when he moved from "Late Night" to "The Tonight Show" was whether Conan could keep his comedic voice in the more mainstream 11:35 timeslot. For a few months, Conan did struggle with hitting the right tone on the show, sometimes to disappointing results. But his show had tightened and started to find its legs in the weeks leading up to the NBC mess. And his last two weeks of shows, when he knew he was performing on borrowed time, were some of the best few hours of television I've seen in a long time. Conan, with noting to lose, got to be Conan in a way that we hadn't seen in awhile, and it was fearless, gut-bustingly funny, un-predictable, and unmissably great television.

All of this explains why hundreds of people traveled from far and wide to rally in support of Conan, braving the pouring rain to wave signs and chant his name while his dream fell apart. A good talk show host does more than entertain their audience. They come into our homes night after night, trying to make us laugh and smile no matter how dark or difficult the world around us becomes. We relate to them on a more personal level than movie stars playing characters in films and television, and the best of them become like old friends we begin to rely on. Like Johnny Carson before him, Conan has become a beloved hero that millions of young people identify with in a real and earnest way. Who would ever say that about the bland and middle of the road Jay Leno?

Letting Conan move on to another network is a short-sighted mistake that will be remembered as a huge folly on NBC's part when the history books are written about this whole mess. The Peacock is missing out on the fact the Twitter crowd doesn't watch television in the same way as previous generations. We watch our favorite shows on DVR or in clips on the internet- but these same technologies which are changing the way television is consumed are also changing the ways we communicate, and for the better. Look at how the "I'm With CoCo" image spread everywhere within days, or the way the Facebook group with the same name gained half a million fans in less than two weeks (and continues to grow.) This is a mobilized, connected, and smart generation, and Conan is directly tapped into its pulse After the amazing outpouring of support for Conan in the last few weeks, NBC must be feeling a bit shellshocked and unsure of their decision to go back to Leno. But they'll get solid ratings for a few years with the kind of audience that still watches television in the conventional (and increasingly outdated) fashion. Conan O'Brien is the comedic voice a generation who will define how television is consumed in the coming decades. NBC has bet on the past by bringing Leno back to The Tonight Show, which is appropriate in a way for a sixty year old television institution. As much as sitting behind the desk that Carson once occupied was Conan's dream job, he'll be free to do something newer when he makes his next career choice, something built for the future of television consumption instead of the past. And an entire generation of comedy nerds raised on his humor will follow him wherever he goes.

We'll miss Conan during his contractually obligated eight month hiatus from television hosting, but eagerly await his return to television. Conan's comedic voice has defined an entire generation and helped us figure out what makes us laugh, and he's done it all with consummate class... even when masturbating bears were involved.

Singing Intergalactic Cowboys And The Future Of Film Distribution

2009-09-17T01:03:00.001-07:00

In 2001, as a wide eyed and not yet beaten down by realty freshman film student, a couple friends and I went to see a very small and strange little movie called "The American Astronaut." I don't remember which theater we saw it at or which part of town we were in (I was new to LA at the time and still hadn't figured this strange and vast city out... as if I have figured it out by now, eight years on.) But I remember that screening, and vividly. There were only four other people in the theater on that warm night... and one of them was Andy Dick. The surreal, hilarious, tuneful, mesmerizing, and completely original Sci-Fi Western Musical blew all seven of us in the theater away... as troubled B-List celebrities and 19 year old film students who were deluded enough to think they knew anything about anything were united by an amazingly original piece of cinema. A few years later, I had the opportunity to see "The American Astronaut" on the big screen again, at a nearly sold out screening at the Arclight... with an introduction by none other than Andy Dick.

That's the strange power of the movie... it's so funny, involving, strange, so not like anything else in the world, that anyone whose seen it is inherently drawn back to seeing it again, and to use terms like "genius" to describe the film's creator, writer/ director/ actor/ musician/ animator/ all around nice guy, Cory McAbee.

I could go on gushing about how much I love "The American Astronaut," but that's not the point of this post. I'd let you, dear reader, borrow my copy of the DVD, but I loaned it to a friend a few years ago and haven't seen it since. Now I fear it's lost for good, and as much as I'd love to get another copy, "American Astronaut" DVDs are apparently selling on E-Bay for around $100 while the movie is currently unavailable on Netflix (good news though... Cory said more DVDs will be available in October.) Though it's a bit of a tease since the movie is so tough to track down at the moment, check out the trailer below for a brief taste of the movie's unique brand of geniusosity:

Cory has been absent from the film world in the eight years since "Astronaut" came out. He's been developing a movie called "Werewolf Hunters Of The Midwest," (which I'd kill to see,) but funding has been difficult. Sundance commissioned Cory to make a strange little short intended for mobile phones called "Reno," which you can see here.

But now, finally, after eight long years, McAbee is back with a new, major work. "Stingray Sam" is an almost feature length film that is now available for download in six serialized chapters that run about ten minutes each. It's very similar in a lot of ways to "The American Astronaut," in that its another micro-budgeted, black and white space Western with bizarre gender politics and impromptu musical numbers (with songs by McAbee's pretty excellent band, The Billy Nayer Show.) Though its similar to McAbee's previous feature, "Stingray Sam" is also a work like no other, wholly original and strange in different ways than "Astronaut." It's also laugh out loud funny, with amazingly out there photo collages full of densely packed and wildly imagined information, all perfectly narrated by "Frasier" alum David Hyde Pierce.

To try and explain the plot of "Stingray Sam" quickly would do it a disservice, but I'll simply say it's the story of a lounge singer on the formerly popular gambling planet of Mars who is roped into a mysterious rescue mission by his former partner in crime which takes them to the bizarre planet of pregnant men. Also, there are tiny robots that characters can zap themselves into.

Like I said, like nothing you've ever seen.

I saw all six parts of "Stingray Sam" last night at the ultracool new Dowtown Independent screening venue (which is in downtown LA, as the name implies,) to a sizable audience that really appreciated the movie's bizarre yet hilarious comedic sensibility and totally unique rhythms. The screening was also like nothing I've ever been to. The film was broadcast live on the internet for anyone who tuned in to StingRaySam.Com during the screening to see (McAbee described it as an "approved bootleg,") followed by a Q and A that was also broadcast live on the web. McAbee took questions from fans in a chat room live and even took a few calls from webcasters (though there were NASA-like three second delays, since the technology isn't perfect yet.) The premiere event was not held to celebrate the film's theatrical release... instead it was a celebration of the its release on the internet. You can download the movie right now at StingRaySam.Com.
If you need further convincing, watch the first episode and trailer in the player below:

Pretty awesome, huh?

McAbee is a true independent with an unbelievably personal and unique vision. And that vision extends to his distribution model. What's really cool about the whole "Stingray Sam" project is that McAbee is fully embracing the internet, as evidenced by the extremely high-tech screening event. The DVD for the film doesn't come out until October, but you can download the whole thing today for just $8. If you pre-order the DVD, you also get to download the movie, in fullscreen HD and formatted for your iPod, iPhone, or Zune (if you're a person who owns a fucking Zune... ) Or if you're a super fan, you can get the super deluxe edition with all of the above, a photobook signed by Cory, and a "Stingray Sam" T-Shirt. The movie will also continue to screen in theaters all across the country, fulfilling the poster's promise that the movie is "coming soon to screens of all sizes." This is a filmmaker finding ways to distribute his work that are as creative and original as the work itself.

I've lamented about the sorry state of indie cinema in previous posts, but Cory McAbee is exactly the kind of fresh, original, and exciting voice that indies desperately need... and he's not waiting for Hollywood to come running with money (though I hope someone finally ponies up the cash for him to get "Werewolf Hunters of the Midwest" going.) He's finding ways to get his work seen, with the unbending determination of a true cowboy. A singing cowboy, but a cowboy none the less.

Death Of A King...

2009-06-25T17:13:00.000-07:00

The King of Pop is dead.

Michael Jackson was probably the most famous person on the planet. More famous than Barack Obama (or any U.S. president before him.) More famous than Princess Diana, Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Paul McCartney, or any other living celebrity (and most dead celebrities.) He was an unbelievably flawed, troubled human being, a man who had no real childhood, who was accused of doing terrible things to other children, who was so obsessed with plastic surgery that he practically changed his skin color, as if he was trying to escape his racial identity in a country with a very troubling history of racial identity politics. Michael Jackson's story is a harsh reflection on America's values and culture, from our obsession with fame and our still uncomfortable relationship with race. More than eccentric, flawed, sometimes frighteningly and dangerously out of touch with what we see as normal human behavior, he lived inside a surreal fame bubble since early childhood that probably psychologically ruined him and turned him into a kind of monster, a modern Phanton of the Opera whose face was often covered in masks to hide the effects of his latest experiments in plastic surgery.

And yet... the music endures. I'm listening to "Off the Wall" on my record player right now, after spinning "Thriller" (still the biggest selling album ever and the only record to ever sell more than an astounding 100 MILLION COPIES) for the hundredth or so time. We've spent nearly two decades making fun of Michael Jackson's many disturbing flaws, after spending the two decades prior to that enjoying the brilliant pop music he gave us.

There are books that could be written analyzing how Michael Jackson reflects some of ugliest sides of America's character. But I prefer to listen to the amazing tunes he produced and remember the Michael Jackson before all the scandals, plastic surgeries that made him nearly unrecognizable, and increasingly bizarre, Howard Hughesian isolation from the rest of humanity. I prefer to look back the pop genius who gave us "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough," "Rock With You," "Bad," "The Way You Make Me Feel," "Man In the Mirror," "I Just Can't Stop Loving You," "Smooth Criminal," "Thriller," "Beat It," "Billie Jean," "P.Y.T.," "Jam," "Black Or White," and "Dangerous." I prefer to remember the man who turned the music video into an art form and pop culture event with production values that rivaled the biggest movies (directed by some of the best filmmakers in the world.) I prefer to remember him when his weird tendencies just made him a more interesting artist. I prefer to remember the man whose Moonwalk dance moves made us believe he was sent from a different planet. I prefer to remember the musicians whose songs helped me develop a lifetime love and passion for music in my formative years. I prefer to remember the perfect version of Michael Jackson we all had in our heads until a couple years into the 90s. Because the reason he was the most famous person in the world was because he made music that everyone in the world loved.

Whatever else he did in his strange life, he was, and will forever be remembered as, The King of Pop.

And now, sadly, shockingly... The King is dead.

The Conan Experience

2009-06-11T00:36:00.001-07:00

Spike Jonze's "Where The Wild Things Are" Looks Like A Beam Of Pure Magic And Love

2009-03-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

Watch the trailer for Spike Jonze's "Where The Wild Things Are" and tell me you've ever seen a trailer that gives you more of a feeling of what eating warm and gooey cookies just out of the oven feels like. I mean, it made me feel like a kid on Christmas morning, which is I feeling I'm not actually familiar with, being Jewish. Watching this trailer made me immediately revert back to childhood feelings of wonder, awe, and excitement... movies don't do that much anymore, and trailers do so even more rarely. Also, the Wild Things are puppet costumes, with CG augmentation... but they're not just pure CG creations. That's what clearly gives them a more tactile feel in the trailer, what gives them more personality and character than another digital monster. I feel like after this and "The Dark Knight," perhaps filmmakers are finally turning back to the often more convincing yet nearly lost art of practical effects? That's a discussion for another blog post... this one is just about admiring the vision, creativity, inventiveness, and heart that is on display in the amazing trailer below. Enjoy.

"Mountain Man" Premieres

2009-03-19T20:18:00.001-07:00

A few of my closest friends have been working very hard for awhile now on a new web series called "Mountain Man." They're describing it as "surreal comedy adventure." I'd describe the story of Jonas Hawkinus, former folk star turned survivalist who may be insane or may be the messiah, as a wildly creative and original web series that is honestly unlike anything you've ever seen before. Check out the "Prologue" episode below, watch new episodes at Strike TV and check out the show's official website at WatchMountainMan.Com.

BTW, I was one of the special effects wizards shaking the plants in the scene towards the end.

Zooey Deschanel Stars In "Quirk Is Killing Indie Movies"

2009-03-11T16:53:00.000-07:00

I was surfing the infernet, watching some movie trailers today, and I discovered these two trailers for almost identical looking "quirky romantic comedies starring Zooey Deschanel as an eccentric and charming neurotic who pulls withdrawn and shy actors from other indie hits out of their shells, all set to an indie rock soundtrack."

The trailer for "Gigantic," featuring a very good cast playing quirk to the hilt:

This one is for "500 Days of Summer," (which I like a little more than the "Gigantic" trailer, mostly because it's probably the first movie to feature music from both The Smiths and Hall and Oates:)

Did you watch the trailers? Good.
So Wes Anderson's quirky, funny, wholly original work, primarily "Rushmore" and "The Royal Tenenbaums" begat Oscar nominated and commercial hits like "Little Miss Sunshine" and "Juno." "LMS" and "Juno" have now begat "Gigantic" and "500 Days of Summer." Just as Quentin Tarantino's lightning strikes in the early nineties, "Reservoir Dogs" and "Pulp Fiction" led to nearly a decade of unwatchable crime films about pop culture obsessed hit men, now Anderson's work has led to this new generation of hipster approved, quirky relationship comedies about bored white people falling in love through their love of indie rock, vintage T-shirts, and hoodies.

And it's totally obnoxious.

I'm a massive fan of Wes Anderson's work. "Rushmore" is one of my five "desert island" movies, and I love all five of his movies with a deep and burning passion. The fact that most indie movies that get distribution and any kind of audience are pale imitations of his work (including the Oscar nominated "LMS" and "Juno,") is not his fault, and actually only goes to prove how influential and fresh his body of work really is, thematically, stylistically, visually, and pretty much every other way a film can be influential. I think that's what happens with almost every truly original voice in any artistic medium... but regardless, his work (and the work of similarly original filmmakers, like Alexander Payne, Spike Jonze, and Charlie Kaufman,) have led us to this place in the history of independent film.

These movies seem to have a very similar set of characteristics, which I will list below:

-CONFUSING CHARACTER QUIRKS WITH ACTUAL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Michael Cera likes orange tic tacs. Paul Dano takes a vow of silence. Zooey Deschanel falls asleep at a mattress store and only thinks to ask if anybody can see up her skirt. Paul Dano wants to adopt a Chinese baby. John Goodman wears ridiculous scarves and talks about his daughter's sex life, much like nobody ever does. This is not character development that turns fictional beings into recognizable humans... these are just overly cutesy details that tell us nothing other than the fact that the screenwriters think they are more clever than they actually are. These quirks are generally also what passes for "comedy" in these movies...

-WITHDRAWN AND SHY MALES TAUGHT ABOUT LIFE AND LOVE BY "MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRLS:" I must give The Onion credit for coining the term "Manic Pixie Dream Girl," or the type of girl "who exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures." This is certainly the case with both "Gigantic" and "500 Days of Summer," as Dashanel is forced to play double "MPDG" duty.

-AN OBSESSION WITH MUSIC, AS IF THIS IS THE FIRST GENERATION OF HUMANS TO EVER "REALLY GET" MUSIC: This is a problem with the attitude of hipsters in general (our parents had The fuckin' Beatles, hipsters... get over yourselves.) I mean, Natalie Portman playing The Shins for a full 30 seconds while Zach Braff sits and listens should not count as cinema. And talking about bands does nothing to reveal character or advance plot, it just communicates to you that Jason Bateman and Ellen Page like Sonic Youth's cover of The Carpenters. Also, why do all these movies represent their lead characters' alienation by having them wear big headphones all the time?

-OUT OF PERIOD, OVER THE TOP COSTUMING THAT IS ALSO SUPPOSED TO CONVEY CHARACTER TRAITS: This is one of the most glaring examples of these filmmakers ripping of Anderson's aesthetic, but his movies kept developing more and more as story book worlds featuring adults who have outgrown them... while these other indie movies just feature people wearing (here's the Q word again,) quirky outfits. Why is John Goodman wearing thick glasses and a white scarf? Why do the characters in these movies look like they are cartoon versions of actors in a 70's Woody Allen movie? Why does the cast of the upcoming (and disappointing sophomore effort from Rian Johnson, who made the wholly original "Brick,") "The Brothers Bloom" look like they raided the wardrobe closet from "The Life Aquatic?"

-LOTS AND LOTS OF WHITE PEOPLE: All of them whining about their relationships (this I can relate to, but still...)

Independent cinema is clearly in trouble right now. It's getting harder and harder for indie movies to get financing, and many of the most prominent independent film companies have shut down in the last two years, including most of the studios' indie shingles. It's not fair to put the responsibility of "saving" indie movies on the shoulders of the filmmakers behind the new crop of Zooey Deschanel starring romcoms with hipster soundtracks, but the only way the whole scene will be saved (or destroyed) is one film at a time. A new Wes Anderson or Quentin Tarantino needs to step up now with an original voice and vision and lay the groundwork for the next group of directors to steal ideas from, because in this economy, independent film can't afford to coast on derivative copies of copies of copies. Indie movies need a good jolt of boldness, inventiveness, fresh ideas, new blood, and actual originality... and new quirks for Zooey Daschanel* to play do not count as true "originality."

*With apologies to the lovely Ms. Daschanel, who I feel is quite talented even if she's been saddled with weakly written roles in these movies and last years horrendous "The Happening," which was at least so madly terrible that at least it wasn't something I'd seen before. And that's more than I can say for "Gigantic" and "500 Days of Summer."

I Love It When SNL Gets Weird

2009-03-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

Bill Hader is amazing.

Oscars 2009 Opinion Dump

2009-02-23T00:17:00.000-08:00

So I'm just going to get this over with and move on with my life. I'm going to Pixar tomorrow, for goodness sake.

The Oscar show was bizarre this year, with Hugh Jackman pulling out his "song and dance man" shctick and turning an event that is already described as "the gay Super Bowl" 250% gayer, complete with a new sparkle-centric set and a "the musical is back!" medley led by Jackman and Beyonce, and featuring appearances from the "High School Musical" kids, all of it choreographed by Baz Luhrmann. At least Jackman's opening number featured references to the fact "The Dark Knight" richly deserved a best picture nod and that nobody bothered to see "The Reader," even though Kate Winslet won a best actress statue for her performance in the Nazi romance.

"Slumdog Millionaire," a movie I do love for its jolts of life positivity and good feelingness that it injected into my person, swept most of the awards as it was vaulted into the annals of "overrated best picture winners," as the sweet yet slightly shallow fairy tale beat out better, richer, and more interesting films like "Milk" and "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." "Button" was a film I loved dearly, yet many people seem to have responded to coldly. It's not as good as director David Fincher's masterpiece, "Zodiac" (which was completely snubbed by the Academy last year,) but "Button" is a gorgeous, moody, and heartbreaking film about life, love, and mortality. Though Fincher and Van Sant deserved it more for their movies this year (and Christopher Nolan deserved it most,) it is pretty cool that we can all now say the phrase "Oscar Winning Director Danny Boyle." Now that the slightly demented mind behind "Trainspotting," "28 Days Later," and the totally on crack "A Life Less Ordinary" has won an Oscar, maybe it means the Academy is getting a bit younger and hipper. Or maybe the old voters who refuse to die just liked the story of young kids falling in love through the dramatic use of a game show and have not bothered to watch Boyle's previous work.

Sean Penn won a richly deserved Best Actor award for his work as Harvey Milk, beating comeback kid Mickey Rourke for his very good work in "The Wrestler." Mickey was great as Randy The Ram, giving a physical performance made the more poignant because of the troubled actor's own personal history; but Penn embodied Harvey in every way, showing his heroism, charisma, and flaws and shedding light onto an undertold story of an American civil rights hero. Rourke is terrific and nothing should be taken away for him for his performance... but Penn is nothing short of brilliant in "Milk," and the best actor category is one of the few that the Academy has gotten right two years in a row. I was also glad to see Dustin Lance Black pick up "Milk's" other win, for best original screenplay.

Penelope Cruz's win for her electrifying work in "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" was nice, especially since it was for her work in the first truly great Woody Allen movie in nearly a decade. Heath Ledger's posthumous win for his work as The Joker in "The Dark Knight" felt like the evening's most inevitable award, but it was also moving to see his family accept it for him... and it was richly deserved. Ledger was brilliant in the film, and the performance will be his enduring legacy. It was wonderful to see the endlessly imaginative Andrew Stanton take home another Oscar to Pixar's offices in Emeryville for "Wall*E," vindication for a kid's movie that was part art movie, part speculative science fiction, part satire, part love story, and part silent comedy.I agree with the criticism that the film doesn't completely work in its second half; but when you take risks that large, they are not always going to pay off. Thank god the Academy rewarded experimentation and ambition again, even if Pixar has won more than a few times (they continue to do the best work in their medium, so there is no reason for them to stop beating Dreamworks every year.)

Staying on the subject of the robot that won America's heart, one of the night's true injustices was that Ben Burtt was shutout of the two sound awards. Burtt gave Wall*E (and the rest of the movie's menagerie of robots) his voice, and he used sound in brilliant, inventive, and inspiring ways. Stanton appeared at ComicCon nearly two years ago to preview the film, and he introduced Burtt, (who did the sound work for the "Star Wars" and "Indiana Jones" movies,) as one of his most important collaborators, giving characters who do not speak a unique language of their own. Did Burtt deserve to win the sound awards? Not only that, but it could be argued that the man should have been nominated in another category as well... best performance by an actor in a leading role.

Conan O'Brien Bids "Late Night" Farewell

2009-02-21T16:09:00.000-08:00

16 years ago, Lorne Michaels tapped (in Conan's own words) "a completely unknown writer with no television experience and bad skin" to take over as host of "Late Night" when David Letterman departed for CBS. Despite his gawky 6'4'' frame and "shock of red hair," his lack of name recognition, and his often bizarre and very outside the mainstream sense of humor (with bits that included masturbating bears, "In the year 2000," and the legendary "Innapropriate!" bit,) Conan became an American comedy institution.

Last night was Conan's last of 2,725 broadcasts as the host of "Late Night with Conan O'Brien." In a couple months, he takes the big job at "The Tonight Show," taking over for Jay Leno and taking a seat once legendarily filled by the great Johnny Carson. American tastes have changed to the point that someone as alternative, edgy and (let's just say it,) weird as Conan can host The Tonight Show. Some fans are worried Conan will have to tone his schtick down to fit his earlier time slot and retain Leno's audience, many of which are older Americans looking for inoffensive comedy before they fall asleep.

Frankly, I don't for a minute expect Conan to change to appease Leno's fans. He earned his job as the new host of "The Tonight Show" by crafting his own unique persona and creating a voice in comedy unlike anybody else on television... the NBC brass gave him his big promotion because of who he is, not because they want him to be anybody else. We're going to see a Maturbating Bear at 11:30 on weekenights, and if he turns any prudish Leno fans off, he's going to win a lot more people over with his risk taking, weird, and totally authentic sense of humor.

Conan has earned his new job after sixteen unique, surprising, and laugh out loud funny years on "Late Night." It was sad to see his show come to an end, but it's going to be exciting to see Conan take on his new challenge with the bigger audience that comes with it.

Below are a couple great clips from Conan's last "Late Night" show.

Conan's personal all time favorite bit from the show:

Conan's emotional last words to close the show (and his promise to never grow up just because he's hosting "The Tonight Show":)

The Inevitable Morrissey Post

2009-02-18T04:50:00.001-08:00

Anybody who knows me, I mean really knows me, had to know this post was coming the day that "Years of Refusal" was released in stores. Morrissey is the music equivalent of Woody Allen to me... a polarizing artist who some people loathe for the same reasons others love him, who mines his own strange personality, world view, and neurosis in each and every one of his songs, who refuses to change his style or lyrical content with the trends of his medium, and whose output of music and strange, cryptic interviews I can't enough of. Also, he's a pretty fucking funny dude for all the times he's been accused of being a "miserabilist" or the "pope of mope."
Morrissey has a new album out. It's pretty fucking good, with flashes of great.

Here's my review, track by track:

1. Something is Squeezing My Skull:

Something Is Squeezing My Skul...

A fast and punky song that opens the album with a nice kick. The lyrics find Morrissey in typical defiance of his critics and those who have wronged him (this would be an annoying tendency of his if he wasn't generally right.) The song ends in a fast breakdown where Moz pleads with someone to "Please don't gimme anymore" in an attacking vocal style that nearly becomes a yodel. It's a great album kick off that declares that Morrissey means business on this new album.

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: It's a tie between "I know by now you think I should have straightened myself out/ Thank you, drop dead" and the positively randy (for a man who once was the most famous celibate in the world outside the pope:) "The motion of taxis excites me/ When you peel it back and bite me."

2. MAMA LAY SOFTLY ON THE RIVERBED

Mama Lay Softly On The Riverbe...

A strangely upbeat song about a strange Oedipal obsession with the narrator's mama, who was driven to some unspeakable act by "uncivil servants" and "priggish money men" in a song that mixes Morrissey's Manchester working class past with his artistic obsession with murder ("I will slit their throats for you.") A catchy tune that hides some bizarre and dark lyrics.

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "And we will be safe and sheltered in our graves." (because it's just so Morrissey, isn't it?)

3. BLACK CLOUD

Black Cloud - Morrissey

A middle of the road Moz song about one of the themes that gave him his miserabilist rep: unrequited love. It's nothing we haven't heard before... but nobody does this schtick as well as Morrissey, and his vocals shine through over a a pleasing enough arena rock bombast with some catchy Spanish style guitar strumming in the middle. Ultimately, one of the weaker tracks on the album.

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "I can choke myself to please you/ and I can sink much lower than usual/ but there's nothing I can do to make you mine."

4. I'M THROWING MY ARMS AROUND PARIS

I'm Throwing My Arms Around Pa...

The album's first single, and a good choice at that. The tune sounds a bit like Moz's jangly old B-Side, "Such A Little Thing Makes Such A Big Difference," which is a good thing (that song is pretty much a gem.) The themes are pretty standard issue Morrissey, with lyrics about the absence of "love" and "human touch," until Morrissey decides to do as the title of the song implies. Instead of being a lament of heartbreak, our boy is sounds defiant and triumphant, even though "only stone and steel" accept his love. The catchiest of Morrissey's recent visits to famous European cities (though not nearly as gorgeous as his walk through Rome in the Ennio Morricone arranged "Dear God Please Help Me.")

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "I'm throwing my arms around/ around Paris because/ only stone and steel accept my love."

5. ALL YOU NEED IS ME

All You Need Is Me - Morrissey

Morrissey has been playing this song since he was touring in support of his last album, "Ringleader of the Tormentors," and (along with "That's How People Grow Up,") it appeared on his recent, slapdash (and very debatably titled) "Greatest Hits" album... but I've been a huge fan of the song since I first heard it performed live a few years ago. I've used the word "defiant" to describe a few of the songs on this album so far, but this is the one that deserves that description the most... it's a fast paced, snarling rock missile aimed right at his critics. Morrissey croons "you hiss and groan and you constantly moan but you/ don't ever go away and that's because all you need is me" and it ends up with him telling his detractors that "You don't like me but you love me/ either way, you're wrong/ you're gonna miss me when I'm gone." He's always been one of the most spot on, self reflexive pop lyricists, analyzing and defining his place in music history within his own songs (see The Smiths' "Rubber Ring,") and this rocker is one of his most direct and mocking examples of that lyrical dexterity. This one is a fist pumper.

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC (out of many choices): "There's a naked man standing laughing in your dreams/ you know who it is/ but you don't like what it means."

6. WHEN I LAST SPOKE TO CAROL

When I Last Spoke To Carol - M...

Morrissey tips his hat to his large (and much analyzed) Mexican fan base with this Mariachi tinged barn burner about the rejection of an admirer he can't pretend he feels love for... (a reversal of roles from the usual Moz formula.) It's a sadly regretful and slightly haunting tune about a lost person who he did not have the ability to help... and the musicianship is as interesting as the lyrics and vocals (which is not always the case on much of Moz's solo work.)

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "I've hammered a smile across this pasty face of mine/ since the day I was born in 1975."

7. THAT'S HOW PEOPLE GROW UP

That's How People Grow Up - Mo...

A catchy and funny song about being resigned to loneliness (yes, most other artists don't make songs about this subject either catchy or funny,) with Morrissey lamenting that looking for love his whole life has been a waste of time. Not much to say about this other than that I dig the ghostly moaning girl during the opening seconds of the song.

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "I was driving my car/ I crashed and broke my spine/ so, yes, there are things worse in life than never being/ someone's sweetie."

8. ONE DAY GOODBYE WILL BE FOREVER

One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewe...

Morrissey advises a lover or a friend that they are going to be abandoned by the one they love... in typically funny fashion as "the smiling children tell you that you smell," while leaving room to be self deprecating as well ("just look at me- a savage beast-/ I've got nothing to sell.") Those mariachi horns come in again, and the song is pleasingly propulsive. This one should sound pretty good live.

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "Always be careful when you abuse the one you love."

9. IT'S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY ANYMORE

It's Not Your Birthday Anymore...

The triumphant centerpiece of the album. The song oscillates wildly (Smiths fans, did you see what I did there?) between what starts out as a sentimental love song to an angry lover's tirade to a psychosexual battle. The musicianship on the song is great and more inventive than usual for a Morrissey solo song as well, as the band switches modes from slow ballad to loud and angry rocker as they work hard to keep up with their famous frontman. This is one of my favorite Morrissey songs in a long time... and his vocal performance ties it all together beautifully. Great stuff.

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "All of the gifts that they gave can't compare in any way/ to the love I am now giving you right here and right now/ on the floor."

10. YOU WERE GOOD IN YOUR TIME

You Were Good In Your Time - M...

A slow dirge with a tinkling piano and smoky late night lounge feel addressed to an artist who time has passed.... or is Moz singing about himself in another one of those self reflexive moments? After the witty, angry, and altogether alive "It's Not Your Birthday Anymore" just one track prior, in which Morrissey proves he's as vital and relevant as ever, this slower song (with its long, spooky outro, similar to the intro of The Smiths' "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me,") shows he's ready as ready to accept the fact that the spotlight will move off of him eventually, even as it shines on him for another album. And of course, the dying of that light is death in our morbidly funny Morrissey's strange brain. It's a strange and haunting little tune.

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "Are you aware wherever you are/ that you have just died?"

11. SORRY DOESN'T HELP

Sorry Doesn't Help - Morrissey

This one is kind of filler... Morrissey mocks the very idea of an apology from someone who has wronged him, in typically melodramatic fashion. The closest thing the album gets to a "skipper."

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "Sorry will not bring my teen years back to me (any time soon.)"

12. I'M OKAY BY MYSELF

I'm OK By Myself - Morrissey

Morrissey's theme of defiance comes back in this album closer, which builds to an absolutely monstrous conclusion as screams NOOOO! over and over again with his band absolutely rocking out as he tells an old flame he just doesn't need them. In his wise old age, the man who has spent years writing songs about how loneliness has made him miserable finally has the maturity to realize (post some sort of breakup, it seems,) that he really is okay by himself. It's entirely possible that he's talking about his solo career in the song as well. His feelings towards his former band mates is often debated (a debate which is constantly renewed every year with new rumors that The Smiths are reuniting, always quickly denied.) Morrissey has been a solo artist for more than twenty years now, yet to this day he is best known as the "former lead singer of The Smiths." His former band's legend lives on, but Morrissey is doing just fine on his own as a solo artist... and this album of sometimes angry, sometimes resigned, and almost all energized and funny songs proves that once again.

MOST MEMORABLE LYRIC: "This might make you throw up in your bed: /I'M OK BY MYSELF!"

You just haven't earned it yet, baby.

Early Woody Allen Geniusosity

2009-02-05T15:24:00.000-08:00

I love Woody Allen.
This is not a particularly popular opinion these days, but the man is one of my all time cinematic heros. "Manhattan" and "Annie Hall" rank among my ten favorite movies of all time, and a very high percentage of his 10,000 or so films are nearly as good. His recent output has not been quite as inspiring (though I did love "Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona,") but his body of work is undeniably amazing. "Take the Money and Run," "Bananas," "Sleeper," "Love and Death," "Annie Hall," "Manhattan," "Hannah and her Sisters," "The Purple Rose of Cairo," "Crimes and Misdemeanors," "Husbands and Wives," "Bullets Over Broadway," "Manhattan Murder Mystery," "Everyone Says I Love You," "Deconstructing Harry," "Sweet and Lowdown," and now "Vicky Cristina," are all films any writer or director would be proud to have on their filmography, yet somehow Woody doesn't get much respect or attention these days.
The problem many people have with the Woodster is twofold... some people find his persona more than a little annoying (I don't, but I am a neurotic and sometimes whiny Jew myself, so I can relate,) but more commonly, people find the person Woody Allen to be reprehensible. We all know what happened in the early 90s... Woody married his adopted daughter. Yes, it's gross, and can't really be justified (though their seemingly dysfunctional relationship has endured since it first caused a media scandal, bizarrely enough.) But the public's discomfort with the man himself should not make them stay away from his work... I don't want to get into one of those "you have to separate the art from the artist" things, but... well, you really do. And this is one artist who is an American film and humor genius, and has been doing his thing with pretty astounding consistency for about four decades now.
This whole post has been a long winded way of setting up this gem of an interview I discovered (on comedy genius duo Bob and David's site, actually,) from early in Woody's film career when he was making straight forward comedies. Some people who like Woody say that his "early, funny pictures" are his best, which I disagree with as his films got richer and more rewarding over the next decade... but this is proof that nobody can deliver a dry one liner that mixes highbrow wit with goofy, silly, and nonsensical humor quite like Woody. Anyway, it's a long form interview in four parts, but it's worth watching the whole thing... I was laughing out loud, alone in my apartment, causing my dog to give me some strange looks.

"In New York you can't be Puerto Rican unless you have to pass a written examination and an eye test. And those who pass the eye test are allowed to be Purto Rican."
Enjoy.

Two Kings Of Meta Comedy Put Their Own Spin On A Giant Meta Moment

2009-02-05T12:56:00.000-08:00

The audio recording of Christian Bale's freakout on the set of "Terminator: Who Still Cares" has become one of those spiraling out of control internet moments, leading to mass conversations about Batman's emotional stability and the meaning of privacy for celebrities in our over mediated age, remixes and animated parodies hitting the interwebs within hours of its leak, and more hits on TMZ than on the release date of the latest Paris Hilton sex tape. It's a cultural moment that has gained such steam that none other than meta-comics Stephen Colbert and Steve Martin have crafted their own parody of the entire fiasco on a recent "Colbert Report." Hopefully we can now all move on to some other national discussion... (did you dudes know we have a new president?) Here's the video:

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

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Best Of The Super Bowl Ads

2009-02-01T23:10:00.000-08:00

Well, the game ended in a disappointment as the Arizona Cardinals failed to pull off the Cinderella season everyone at my party hoped they would... but at least The Boss rocked and we had some quality ads to watch. Here are a few of my favorites from this year's big game:

Former Trojan Troy Polamalu spoofs the classic "Mean Joe Green" Coke Ad:

Conan's "Swedish" Bud Light Ad (Vroom Vrom, Party Starter:)

Denny's "Thugs" (With their "Free Grand Slam" offer... I'll be at Denny's on Tuesday for some shitty free food.)

Alec Baldwin being a national treasure as he pimps out for Hulu.Com:

And then there's this, one of the saddest displays I've ever seen. A cheesy company like Cash4Gold is using the Super Bowl to get the word out to about their shady business by featuring broke former stars. Just depressing, and it ends with Ed McMahon saying "goodbye old friend" to a gold toilet.

The Best Movies Of 2008

2008-12-22T12:29:00.001-08:00

Screw top ten lists... ten is an arbitrary number that would exclude many great films I loved this year. This is a list of the best films of the year, and I'm going to put as many as I see fit, damnit.
2008 was a rough year for me personally, but it was more than decent cinematically. How can you complain about a year in which two of the biggest blockbusters were also as deeply felt, poetic, and thought provoking as anything to come out of the indie world in years? How often do you see big name directors taking such big, ambitious risks with studio movies, allowing themselves to fail a little bit in order to achieve so much more? Indie movies are in trouble to a distressing degree, but when there are still filmmakers pushing the boundaries of the medium, telling deeply personal stories, taking hugely ambitious risks that don't always pay off, using their unique perspectives to show us sites we've never seen before, and getting major studios to foot the bill for their sometimes subversive, often obsessive, and always deeply personal visions, then movies are not in bad shape, as an art form.
Here's my list of the best of 2008.

14. IRON MAN
(Dir. Jon Favreau, Wri. Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby, Art Marcum, and Matt Holloway)

Robert Downey Jr. completed his career and personal redemption with a triumphant year that included this fun comic book romp and his hilarious turn as a white actor playing a black man in "Tropic Thunder." But it was "Iron Man" that relied most fully on Downey Jr.'s considerable charms, as the entire movie hinged on him. Downey Jr. took a B-list hero and shot Tony Stark straight to the A-list with this fun action adventure. The sequels promise to deliver even more fun in this instant franchise.

13. RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
(Dir. Jonathan Demme, Wri. Jenny Lumet)

A comeback for Jonathan Demme, who shakes off his recent spate of failed big budget, slick remakes of classic films to craft an intimate, handheld indie family drama. Anne Hathaway is a revelation as Kym, an angry, narcissistic, and very fucked up recovering drug addict who leaves the isolation of her rehab facility to come home for her sister's wedding. Kym descends on the happy weekend like a hurricane, leaving a trail of emotional destruction in her path. Demme, the director of "Stop Making Sense" and other classic concert films and a massive music fan, intercuts Kym's breakdown with joyous world music performances from wedding guests to cut the building tension. Kym wins a bit of redemption by the end, but it's a hard and intense fight with very small victories. A nice little movie with an honest and heartbreaking lead performance from an actress I never thought of as more than a (very) pretty face.

12. IN BRUGES
(Dir. Martin McDonagh, Wri. Martin McDonagh)

I've been feeling down about indie movies lately. It doesn't seem like a whole lot of fresh filmmakers are making interesting movies with unique voices in the post studio indie shingle era. I mean, when the "indies" getting the widest distribution are emptily "quirky" comedies starring big name TV stars and directed by the sons of A-List Hollywood filmmakers, you know that independent cinema is in a bit of a bind. That's why Martin McDonagh's hit man comedy/ drama/ buddy film/ crime flick/ morality tale is such a breath of fresh air. The trailers made it look like one of those quirky and too clever by half son of "Pulp Fiction" crime flicks about pop culture obsessed, nihilistic killers who do their jobs without blinking an eye... but it turns out "In Bruges" is very much about guilt. Colin Farrell is touching as a sweetly naive hitman who is sent to the medieval town of Bruges with his partner (the always great Brendan Gleeson) to await instructions from their boss. Farrell becomes bored while Gleeson enjoys sight seeing in the historic town, but the two slowly develop a friendship in a very organic way... until their boss, played by Ralph Fiennes, informs Gleeson that the mission is to take out Farrell. More said would ruin the movie's unpredictable digressions and impressively executed tonal shifts. This is an immensely impressive first feature from playwright McDonagh, whose talent and wicked sense of dialog burn brightly. If there were more first time feature directors making movies half this accomplished, the indie world would be in much better shape indeed.

11. PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
(Dir. David Gordon Green, Wri. Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg)

The Judd Apatow comedy machine just keeps rolling. This year, Team Apatow delivered the sweet, funny, and nakedly honest breakup comedy "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," but then really kicked it up a notch with the stoner action comedy "Pineapple Express." Most of Apatow's productions have been more funny on the script side and a bit lacking on the cinematic style, but "Pineapple" was helmed by indie darling David Gordon Green, who brought a fluid style behind the camera that really raises it to cult comedy status. Seth Rogen does what Seth Rogen does best, while James Franco surprises everyone who only knows him from his wooden work in the "Spider-Man" trilogy by proving that he can be intentionally hilarious as a sweet and natured pot dealer, in a buddy cop movie that replaces the cops with bumbling stoners. But it's "The Foot Fist Way" star Danny McBride who really steals the movie as the redneck dealer Red who sells out his friends... but comes back to help them even after they have a knock down, drag out, completely brutal fight... because that's what friends are for. "Pineapple Express" is like nothing you've ever seen before, but it's a movie I'll be watching on DVD over and over again. It's just really damned funny.

10. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
(Dir. Tomas Alfredson, Wri. John Ajvide Lindqvist)

"Twilight" got all the attention, but this is the vampire romance to see from 2008. This shivery Swedish film is equal parts creepy and sweet, as it tells the strange tale of a young vampire girl and the awkward and put upon boy who loves her. This one isn't for the faint of heart... unlike in the swoony teen romantic hit, the vampires in "Let the Right One In" can't ignore their lust for blood. I've already written about this wonderful and strangely beautiful movie, but it deserves to be mentioned again at the end of the year.

9. THE WRESTLER
(Dir. Darren Arronofsky, Wri. Robert D. Siegel)

Darren Arronofsky was beat up pretty bad by critics for making his (underrated) time spanning philosophical romance about death "The Fountain," and star Mickey Rourke has been pretty beat up by life for over two decades now. So the two of them coming together to collaborate on "The Wrestler," about a former pro wrestler whose life and body are a complete wreck looking for a big comeback fight was obviously a match made in movie heaven. "The Wrestler" has a pretty standard sports movie narrative, but its lifted by Rourke's amazing performance and Arronofsky's gritty and visceral direction. This movie might be slightly overrated and just a tad conventional, but as three comeback stories in the fictional and real world merging together, it's nothing short of remarkable.

8. VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA
(Dir. Woody Allen, Wri. Woody Allen)

Critics have been dubbed almost every Woody Allen film this decade a "return to form," but his latest is the first to truly live up to the hype. While the Oscar nominated "Match Point" was a ponderously awkward, overrated rehash of Woody's brilliant "Crimes and Misdemeanors," "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" is the real deal. The story of two American girls (Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Hall) experiencing a summer of love in Spain, the movie is funny and natural in ways that Woody's films haven't been in years, buoyed by charismatically magnetic performances from Javier Bardem and Penolope Cruz, as a passionate and feuding former couple. This is Woody's best script in years, and even though it's his lightest and funniest work in nearly a decade, it also breaks your heart a bit by the end. Finally, a new Woody Allen movie I can love and place in the same category as "Annie Hall," "Manhattan," "Hannah and Her Sisters," "The Purple Rose of Cairo," "Bullets Over Broadway," "Everyone Says I Love You," and "Deconstructing Harry." And between the gorgeous Spanish locations and the equally gorgeous cast, it ain't a hard movie on the eyes, either.

7. CHE
(Dir. Steven Soderbergh, Wri. Peter Buchman and Benjamin A. van der Veen)

Steven Soderbergh's anti-biopic of the revolutionary leader Ernesto "Che" Guevara (brilliantly played by Benicio Del Toro, in an unsentimental performance) barely gives you any context for the nearly five hours of revolutionary guerrilla combat you will sit through if you are able to catch the "road show" version of the movie before it leaves theater. The first half of the film is about the successful Cuban revolution that Che helped Castro lead, and the second movie jumps to Che's failed revolution in Bolivia... while skipping over the post revolutionary time he spent in Cuba, in which he and his allies morphed from populists into dictators. Soderbergh made some very distinct choices in telling the story of Che as a revolutionary warrior, and his clear eyed and objective vision makes for a fascinating war movie. If you don't get to go to the two for one "road show" experience, try to see the Cuban and Bolivian halves as close together as possible... because they really do work as to halves to a coherent whole. A must see experience for anyone who is truly interested in cinema... just try your best not to make the same mistake I did and get front row seats for this five hour, hand held, subtitled war movie. Hey, at least there was an intermission.

6. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
(Dir. Danny Boyle, Wri. Simon Beaufoy)

I've already written enough about Danny Boyle's Dickensian rags to riches fable about a poor boy from the rough streets of Mumbai who improbably knows the answers to every question on India's version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," but only appears on the show in order to get the attention of his lost love. It's a heartfelt, uplifting crowd pleaser that will leave you dancing out of the theaters.

5. WALL-E
(Dir. Andrew Stanton, Wri. Andrew Stanton and Jim Reardon)

The first half of the movie is near perfection; poetic, heartbreakingly lonely, disturbingly bleak, yet strangely hopeful, swooningly romantic, and beautiful. Oh yeah, and it's a kid's movie about two bleeping robots falling in love. A lot has been written about how the second half is not as strong; yes, when Wall-E and his metal love, Eve, leave an Earth long abandoned by humans to find that its former inhabitants have turned into lazy fat slobs who can no longer walk and are addicted to leisure and consumption, the satire is a bit too glib by half. But the point of Wall-E's romantic journey is to remind mankind of how to be human; it could have been better developed, but there is plenty of poetry in the second half that shouldn't be ignored. You'd have to be made of metal yourself to not shed at least one tear during Wall-E and Eve's soaring "dance" through the stars. "Wall-E" is an imperfect and ambitious near masterpiece, and it's amazing to watch Pixar, a successful commercial animation studio continue to experiment and take major risks when they could be content to pump out sequels that would make them plenty of money (the less said about the imminent "Cars 2," though, the better.)

4. THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
(Dir. David Fincher, Wri. Eric Roth)

David Fincher is not a director who I ever expected to make a movie I'd describe as a "lovely fable," but the director of "Se7en," "Fight Club," and last year's masterful "Zodiac" has done just that with "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." Fincher has always been a visual director of the highest caliber, but his most recent output has seen a director whose early work was filled with over the top style and shock value really mature as a storyteller. "Button" tells the tale of the titular hero (played by Brad Pitt, starring in his third Fincher film,) who is aging backwards (using stunningly photo real effects.) The epic movie takes us through Benjamin's lived backward life, focusing on his decades long romance with the love of his life, Daisy (an impossibly beautiful Cate Blanchett.) Fincher, whose work has always been dark and cynical, uses the strange setup as a metaphor for how all of our lives are ticking backwards towards zero, in a movie that is very much about mortality and how "nothing lasts." But don't let his cynical perspective, ever present dark sense of humor, and obsession with death fool you... it's also a romantic and heartbreaking movie about how important living and loving life fully is. Has David Fincher gone soft? Maybe Tyler Durden would think so, but with the one two punch of "Zodiac" last year and "Button" this year, Fincher's work has evolved into much more mature, rewarding, intelligent, and emotional territory. I can't wait to see the projects he takes on next.

3. MILK
(Dir. Gus Van Sant, Wri. Dustin Lance Black)

Sean Penn is absolutely brilliant as slain San Francisco City Supervisor Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man elected to major office in the United States. Gus Van Sant, who has been making artful yet artificial "experimental" films for a few years now, shoots this biopic in a straightforward manner... and the film soars under his less ponderous direction. Turns out that Van Sant is a pretty good director of mainstream films, and he shouldn't fight it at all... his recreation of San Francisco in the 70s is spot on as he shows the birth of the gay rights movement, led by one charismatic, eccentric, and sometimes egotistical man. Penn and Van Sant tell Harvey Milk's story honestly and powerfully... probably the way Milk would have wanted it. It's a beautiful movie that avoids most of the problems that biopics often face, and it's incredibly relevant right now after the recent passage of prop 8 in California... but it's a beautifully told and powerful story in any era. Penn should win the Oscar for his work here, but James Franco, as Milk's longtime lover, and Josh Brolin, as Dan White, the man on a fatal collision course with Milk, both deserve praise for their work in the film as well. This is a powerful film with the potential to win a lot of hearts and minds... if mainstream audiences are willing to see a movie about a subject they might be uncomfortable with, they'll be greatly rewarded.

2. SYNECHDOCHE, NEW YORK
(Dir. Charlie Kaufman, Wri. Charlie Kaufman)

I have already blogged about Charlie Kaufman's astoundingly ambitious directorial debut, but there is always more to say about a movie that is about so many things. Kaufman tells the story of Caden Cotard (played by the one and only Philip Seymour Hoffman,) an obsessed playwright who throws himself so deeply into his massive theater piece which obsessively recreates his life that he forgets to actually live it in a dense, rewarding, and often heartbreaking first feature from the Oscar winning writer of "Adaptation" and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." This is a sometimes confounding puzzle box of a movie that digs deep into your psyche and refuses to let go. It's a giant, flawed, and deeply human piece of work that sometimes flies too close to the sun, but manages to never come crashing down to Earth. Too few people saw it in theaters... but that's why they invented DVDs and Blu Rays.

1. THE DARK KNIGHT
(Dir. Christopher Nolan, Wri. Christopher Nolan, Jonathan Nolan)

Most years, my favorite movie and the best movie of the year are not one and the same. A favorite movie is the one that you want to pop in on a rainy day, to make you laugh or cry... films that are objectively "the best" of a given year are more often challengingly weighty intellectual and artistic works that are not always the most watchable and entertaining flicks. So it's really rare that my favorite and the best movie of the year are one and the same, and it's even rarer still when critics and audiences can agree on the merits of a film to such a degree that they did on "The Dark Knight," which is the biggest hit of the decade and also the finest film of the year. "The Dark Knight" doesn't need qualifiers like "the best SUPER HERO movie ever made"... this film is a straight up American masterpiece, not just great among its genre of primary colored tights wearing heroes. Epic in scale, morally complex, frightening, and incredibly intelligent, Nolan's vision brings the heroes, villains, and regular citizens of Gotham City vividly to life. This is a great post 9/11 parable about how a population reacts to terror, how easily society can descend into chaos, and what heroism means in our cynical times. It's a character study, a massive crime drama, and a Greek Tragedy. It's also an amazingly kick ass piece of Hollywood pop entertainment, with stunning set pieces like the long and chaotic truck chase through the bowels of Gotham, the breathtaking opening bank heist, and Batman's rooftop extraction of a seemingly untouchable Chinese mob banker from Hong Kong. This is a movie that proves a blockbuster can have big ideas without sacrificing one bit of entertainment.
The work of the entire ensemble cast is tremendous, with Gary Oldman a standout as the film's moral compass and heart, Jim Gordon. But the performance that can't be ignored (and will not be on Oscar night, even if the Academy foolishly decides to snub "The Dark Knight" of any other, much deserved awards) is Heath Ledger's absolutely stunning live wire turn as The Joker. Much has been made about Ledger's work in the film, but there is always more to say about a performance which combines ferociously animalistic anger, a compelling self loathing streak, and nerve jangling unpredictability with a steely intelligence, an undeniable wit, and a strangely grungy charm to create a version of an iconic character with decades of history that was legendary long before the movie was released in theaters to box office records. His tragic death adds another layer to his work in the film, but Ledger's Joker would be one for the books either way... it's far and away the performance of the year in the movie of the year, from an objective and artistic standpoint and in one popcorn movie loving fanboy's subjective opinion.

Pete Carroll Is My Hero

2008-12-16T16:53:00.000-08:00

Fight on!

Sweet

2008-12-02T15:19:00.001-08:00

So excited...

Thanksgiving Day Parade RickRolled

2008-11-27T13:41:00.000-08:00

I'm sure millions of Americans scratched their heads watching this Internet phenomenon come to life during an already surreal performance by strange looking monsters from the Cartoon Network hit "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends." But for those who got the RickRoll reference... enjoy this Turkey Day treat before you eat your big meal tonight.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Wow, The Sarah Palin Show Gets Funnier With Every Episode

2008-11-20T19:19:00.001-08:00

Sarah Palin has refused to shut up more than two weeks after losing the election, proving herself unsure of how one is supposed to behave after one loses a presidential election. You know, with grace and dignity and all that. But that wouldn't be our Sarah's style!
And now we get this video of her giving an interview while Turkeys are being beheaded right behind her as she yammers on about nothing and makes passive aggressive comments about being criticized (even though she deserves every bit of it.) This has got to be a metaphor for something, right?

The guy who is slaughtering turkeys and keeps looking back at her is my favorite part of the video.

Oliver With An Indian Twist

2008-11-19T17:05:00.000-08:00

Danny Boyle's crowd pleasing rags to riches romance "Slumdog Millionaire" opened in theaters this past weekend, doing brisk indie business against the Bond onslaught. "Slumdog" is a Dickensian tale about a poor young man in India who ends up on the country's version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire," where he does extraordinarily well for a poor and uneducated kid... and the film flashes back to show how he knew all the answers to the increasingly tough questions.

Each flashback reveals more and more about our plucky hero Jamal's "Oliver Twist"-esque back story as he learns to survive on the streets of the slums through resourcefulness and invention. The movie has a sweet romance at the center, which gives it a beating heart to keep the sprawling story focused as it dives head first into the packed and lively streets of India. The movie should be praised for giving Western audiences a new and revealing perspective on the rapidly changing Indian cultural landscape... while never slowing down, becoming preachy, or becoming anything less than completely entertaining.

Boyle's energetic direction and storytelling push the movie forward with locomotive speed and exuberant force, even when the story goes to darker places. Boyle pulls off a very delicate balancing act by combining a gritty, handheld, on the dirty and dangerous street style reminiscent of "City of God" with a fairy tale-esque story of romantic fantasy. And the three young actors who play Jamal over the years all bring enormous charm and likability that make him a character truly worth rooting for. "Slumdog" is a crowd pleaser in the truest sense that will have you cheering with excitement by the (very funny and joyous) closing credits. It's a really unique and terrific experience, and another triumph for the madly creative and extremely prolific Boyle.

San Francisco, The Scariest Place On Earth

2008-11-19T12:03:00.000-08:00

Oh my god, did you know that they have homeless people in San Francisco? That's one of the terrifying things you'll discover in Bill O'Reilly's "documentary" on the city by the bay. Quake in terror at the prospect of "secular progressives" like the hippies, slackers, and dropouts (who obviously represent everyone in The City) taking over our country!
I love his producer who did the documentary who had never been to San Francisco talking about how "regular people are tolerant... and enlightened" as if it's a bad thing.

I feel like O'Reilly has really gone off the deep end with his latest attacks on "secular progressive" America vs. "regular America." O'Reilly calls himself a "patriot," then shits on literally half of the country and implies that they're all marginal weirdos? It's got to make him panic to see so many people voted against the ideology he's been blabbering on about on his show for so many years.

Here's a tip Bill... maybe a little less fear mongering and a little more accepting the idea that the reason America is a great country is because it's got all kinds of "folks" and not just O'Reilly's (mythical) vision of "decent" small town Americans who work hard at their jobs, go to church on Sundays, vote Republican, and don't quite understand those crazy gays and hippies in San Francisco. But then again, where would the ratings go if he didn't have fear to monger?

That's Not A Panda

2008-11-14T14:08:00.000-08:00

O'Reilly went on "The Daily Show" last night and the culture wars were finally fought to the end between he and Jon Stewart. Good stuff.

Losing With Class And Grace

2008-11-06T15:00:00.000-08:00

Lost among the celebration for Obama's historic and amazing victory was talk of John McCain's concession speech. Watching him talk, it was as if the McCain many of us loved and respected in 2000 was finally back, as if the 2008 GOP Presidential candidate who betrayed many of his values and best qualities just disappeared into the ether once the election was decided. McCain seemed earnestly moved by the history of the evening, even though he came up short on his dream to lead the country he loves so dearly. His words touched me and brought a few tears to my eyes. I'm so excited and thrilled that my side won for once, but seeing McCain graciously accept the outcome of the election and the fact that he will never be president was really poignant and restored much of the respect I've always felt for the man.

When McCain congratulated Obama in the speech, the loyalists in the crowd began to boo... a very un-classy thing to do, and it's a moment when you can almost feel McCain wondering who the hell these hateful people who became entrenched with his campaign really are, and maybe a sad realization that he lost because these are the types he ended up courting for votes. Many of the people at McCain rallys towards the waining weeks of the election were hateful mobs who believed Obama is a terrorist socialist who wants to bring down the USA, instead of a transformative politician who has the potential to shake up history and restore America's reputation throughout the world, and McCain clearly grew more and more uncomfortable with the anger these people displayed as November 4th approached. McCain never wanted to gain the vote of the religious right nutjobs who took him down in 2000, and I imagine he's relieved that he doesn't need to deal with those people anymore. I also imagine he's glad to cut all ties to his disastrous choice for a running mate, the unworldly, anti-intellectual, and terribly naive Sarah Palin.

I'm really hoping and expecting that McCain will work closely with the new administration. I fully expect Obama to live up to his promise to reach across the aisle and try to heal the wounds caused by the very divisive last eight years. Who needs partisanship right now? We need to heal this country, and political infighting amongst dems and repubs is not going to help anyone in this critical moment of our nation's history.

John McCain was running against history in 2008, and even though he's likely personally disappointed that he will never become the president of the United States, he was gracious and humble enough to movingly acknowledge that Obama's win is a stunning step forward for the country.

Welcome back, Maverick.

But Who Will Warn Us About The Dangers Of Dinosaur Cloning And Nanotehnology Now That He's Gone?

2008-11-05T19:00:00.000-08:00

"Jurassic Park" author and "E.R." creator Michael Chrichton passed away today.

Chrichton was a bit of a hacky writer, but he probably had more influence on me than Hemingway or Fitzgerald. I went to film school because of "Jurassic Park." The "J.P." novel and "Sphere" were my favorite books ever when I was 12. Chrichton's techno thrillers were like candy to me when I first starting reading books beyond the R.L. Stine reading level.

The guy was a notorious pain in the ass to filmmakers, and according to legend only worked well with Spielberg (because he's Spielberg.) But he wrote the pretty awesome Yul Brenner sci-fi movie "West World," created "E.R." (which was good at some point,) and, well, wrote "Jurassic Park." He also wrote some book about how global warming is a hoax and the people who believe in it are dangerous fools. But that's beside the point.

That guy wrote "Jurassic Park." It's a little sad, even though he was a bad writer with a bad temper who wanted to discredit people trying to fix the environment. I might not have made it to film school had he not written that book. Rest in peace, Michael Chrichton.

Hope Mixed With A Side Of Disappointment And Sadness

2008-11-05T17:33:00.000-08:00

Last night was a wonderful victory for American progress with Barack Obama's election. But on the same historic night that a black man was elected as the next President of the United States of America, civil rights were being stripped from millions of Americans through the passage of the vile Proposition 8 in California (and similar gay marriage bans in Arizona, Florida, while Arkansas passed a horrifying ban on gay couples adopting children.) Prop 8 creates a constitutional ban on gay marriage, and the yes on 8 campaign was funded by millions of dollars from Mormons outside of California, some of the money coming from outside of the U.S.

The basic argument was that gay marriage somehow threatens the fabric of "traditional families." What I'm trying to understand is how my family is somehow a threat to other families.

I was raised by a lesbian couple. My mothers have been together for nearly 30 years. I'm 26, and I'm the oldest of four siblings. My parents have never broken up or even been separated in my lifetime. When my parents decided to have children, they took it as a solemn commitment to stay together in good times and in bad, no matter how much they drive each other crazy sometimes (as all couples do.) With most "traditional marriages" ending in divorce, how is my completely normal and loving American family somehow a threat to anything or anybody? All three of my siblings and I are normal and well adjusted (if sometimes slightly neurotic) people. We've all gotten into good colleges and none of us have ever gotten into any real trouble. When I was in high school and still lived at home, we would have family dinners together every night that my birth mom would make from scratch, like a stereotypical "traditional mother" (though very few "traditional mothers" still cook dinner for their families every single night in this day and age, but my mom did.) My family spent a lot more time together than most American families do... we had movie nights, and family trips into the city, and we would gather in the living room to watch our favorite TV shows together. We still spend the holidays together every year, and I hear from both my moms at least once a day when they call to just check in and see how I'm doing. We're practically a 1950's sitcom perfect family, other than the fact that my parents are two women instead of a man and a woman. What's so terrifying about that? What is it that these people fear or are trying to make other people afraid of?

I'm deeply disappointed and personally hurt by the choice California voters made in this election. I thought that Californians were a more tolerant bunch than this, but too much money was poured into the passing of 8 by the Mormon Church, who feels it's okay to impose their morality in a ballot proposition, separation of church and state be damned.

A vote for Prop 8 was a vote for intolerance, bigotry, and inequality. The fact that is passed is extremely discouraging, but the fact that is passed by such a narrow margin gives me a glimmer of hope. More and more people seem to be getting it, and soon enough a majority of people will be empathetic to the civil rights of gay couples. Equal rights for gays is the next big civil rights battle, and the same people who once tried to prevent African Americans and women from getting the vote are trying to prevent couples who love each other from marrying, just because both members of the couple are the same gender. Those people who tried to stop progress 40 years ago eventually failed, after brave progressives fought long and hard for what they knew in their hearts and minds was right and just. And now a black man has been elected president on the same day that a gay marriage ban passed in California. It's as if one chapter on the story of American civil rights is closing and another one is beginning.

It's going to be a long, tough fight, with many setbacks along the way. But America will get there. Barack Obama's election is proof that it will take time, but America will get there.

Yes We Did

2008-11-05T11:56:00.000-08:00

In "Jurassic Park," Chaos Theory expert Ian Malcolm warns repeatedly of the dangers of the dinosaur filled theme park (though I'm not sure why one would need a Chaos Theory spewing mathematician to tell you that a park with hungry cloned dinosaurs set loose in the modern world for the first time in 65 million years could be dangerous... it seems like it would be pretty obvious.) When all hell breaks loose, Malcolm says "Boy, do I hate being right all the time."

Last night I got to reverse that cliched bit of dialogue when I said "Boy, do I love being wrong all the time (in terms of this crazy election cycle.)"

I voted for Hillary Clinton in the Democratic primaries. I was too cynical to really believe in the hype surrounding Obama. I didn't think Obama had a shot at winning the presidency. He was too young and new. America is just not ready to elect a black man. He's not going to be able to fight back against the Republican election machine. Only the Clintons know how to beat the GOP in the modern era. He needs to fight back after McCain starting getting nasty in the campaign or he's going to look spineless and lose. His middle name is Hussein and that's going to scare people. His first name rhymes with Osama and that's going to scare people. He's going to gain the support of young hipsters, but older voters will not be moved by his message. He needs to stop saying McCain is an honorable American all the time, because McCain would never say the same thing about him. People are too cynical to buy into his message of hope. The youth vote is going to lose their passion for the guy and not come out to vote.

These are all the things I thought and feared.

But instead Obama stuck to his guns, ran a disciplined, on message campaign, never lost his cool, and never lost focus. He ran a campaign aimed at inspiring people and appealing to their hopes and dreams instead of their cynical side. And now he's made history, becoming the first black man elected to the highest office of the land. After eight long years of lies, wars, natural disasters, a growing national deficit, and a lowering standing in the eyes of the world, Barack Obama has been elected president of the United States of America by offering people hope and the possibility of change. For one night, at least, I was able to drop my cynicism and actually believe in something good happening in America.

It's nice to be wrong, sometimes.

History...

2008-11-04T19:01:00.000-08:00

I Didn't Believe It Could Happen...but it looks like it's all happening. Wow.
Change. Hope. All that jazz. This is happening, and it's all happening tonight.

Halloween Fail, Continued (UnFailed)

2008-11-03T17:40:00.000-08:00

So I was driving home from work on Friday night and saw all the kids out enjoying Halloween and the adults out acting like kids and decided to quit moping and just go out and have fun. I ended up walking down to the big West Hollywood parade and went to two parties. I still had no real costume to speak of, so I had to improvise a bit with a very half assed and cheap Kenneth from "30 Rock" costume...

I was surprised how few Sarah Palins I ended up seeing. I saw less than five Palins, one of them a "sexy Palin" (who was, admittedly, pretty hot) and not even one drag Palin (mostly because the drag queens are usually far too clever to do a costume that a lot of other people already thought of and are ahead of the rest of us on the kitsch curve so must know that Palin's camp value is already played out, or something like that.) I did see a countless number of Jokers, unsurprisingly... but none were as good as Creed from "The Office" doing the "pencil trick" routine.

Halloween Fail

2008-10-31T16:03:00.001-07:00

This is going to be one of this slightly whiny blog posts. You've been properly warned.

As of 4 o'clock in the afternoon on October 31, I have no Halloween costume, no plans for the night, and no real desire or motivation to do anything approaching fun for a holiday I generally enjoy. I haven't carved a Jack O' Lantern this year or put up any seasonally spooky decorations. I don't even have any candy, so I feel like there are even odds that my apartment door will be covered in eggs when I wake up in the morning. Luckily, there are not really any children in my neighborhood, so the only people walking around in costumes nearby will be hipster chicks allowing themselves to dress up like the girls they spend the rest of the 364 days of the year judging, their douchey boyfriends wearing some variation on an ironic "Joe the Plumber" or 70's high school gym class getup, nerds in painstakingly applied Joker makeup, tons of pirates (still!), and lots and lots of Sarah Palins (both of the actual female and drag queen variety.) And each and every one of these people will curse themselves and say "damnit, I didn't think anybody else was going to think of this clever costume idea!"

Maybe it's because I'm just tired lately, maybe it's because I'm depressed, maybe it's because I'm too broke to justify spending money on a Halloween costume I'm only going to wear once, or maybe I'm just getting a little too old for Halloween (this theory, though, goes in cycles... I expect you get old enough to love Halloween all over again within a few years of 26.) Maybe I'm just too anxious about the election in four days to think about Halloween. Or maybe I'm just being cynical. I'm not excited in a way that makes me sad because I want to be excited, and I know that by Saturday morning, I will regret not doing anything other than drinking a bottle of whiskey. Which is probably my big plan for the night.

I had such big plans... I was going to be Daniel Plainview from "There Will Be Blood" and tell people in a crappy Daniel Day Lewis impression that "I am an Oil Man, and this is my Son and partner, H.W..." (My dog Reggie was going to be H.W.) But I didn't get it together, and now I'm just bitter and might have to murder a preacher with a bowling pin to make myself feel better about it. I also considered going as Short Round from "Temple of Doom" and making Reggie dress up as Indiana Jones. But for some reason, I just don't care. But I do care that I don't care, if that makes any sort of sense. I don't know why my passions have cooled, but they have, and it's a bit heartbreaking.

One thing I do know... it's not you Halloween, it's me. I've lost my passion, but you're still great. Maybe we can try it again next year, when I'm feeling like a fun person again.

I Still Love Bill

2008-10-30T12:27:00.000-07:00

This is brilliant. Bill Clinton talks about how great his presidency was and uses it as an argument to vote Obama because he'll be like him. I feel like there is nobody else on the planet who can turn stroking his own ego into a perfect political endorsement for a candidate who beat his wife in the primaries, but Clinton pulls it off. Which is why he's still the master. You just can't beat that charm.

This Is FUCKING Terrifying

2008-10-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

This will probably give me nightmares tonight:

Does the narrator kind of sound like he's doing a bad impression of Bale's Batman, or is it just me?
Vote NO on 8. Seriously.

Must See Movies: "Synecdoche, New York" and "Let The Right One In"

2008-10-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit down on 2008 as a year for quality film. Obviously, I loved "The Dark Knight" like it's my first child, and "Wall-E" holds a special place in my heart, despite its flaws. "Pineapple Express" will go down as one of the great cult stoner comedies, and might be the most enjoyable flick to come out of the Apatow laugh factory so far, while "In Bruges" was a small first feature with killer performances (that is not by any means a crappy "Pulp Fiction" ripoff that should have come out in the mid nineties, as the trailers seem to imply.) But the great movies have been few and far between in 2008 (a year I have personal issues with for other reasons, but we won't get into that here) and I've lately bemoaned the lack of good "indie" flicks and began to lose hope that I'd genuinely love enough movies this year to fill out an earnest top ten list before 2009 rolls around.
But this weekend turned out to be a pleasant surprise for adventurous film lovers everywhere, with two of the most unique films of the year from artists with very strong voices and points of view came out this weekend, restoring my ever renewable excitement for the medium all over again.

"Let The Right One In"

A shivery yet sweet adolescent vampire romance, "Let the Right One In" tells the unique tale of a lonely, picked upon Swedish boy who falls in love with the new girl in town... who just happens to drink blood and have an aversion to the daylight. This movie is haunting, mysterious, earnest and deeply felt while not ever sacrificing the chills and gore that make for a great fright flick. The whole thing is just gorgeously crafted by Swedish filmmaker Tomas Alfredson, who displays consummate control of his craft in telling this strange and strangely moving little fairy tale. It's also really darkly funny in a lot of ways. A must see for anyone who loves horror flicks. Check it out before its ruined by the planned American remake (which is set to be directed by Matt Reeves, who helmed "Cloverfield," which I liked quite a bit, but still.)

"Synecdoche, New York."

A lovely, confounding, sad, funny, epic, dense, self indulgent, messy, ambitious, heartbreaking, honest, and deeply personal directorial debut from Charlie Kaufman, the singular artist behind the screenplays for (in order of increasing genius,) "Being John Malkovich," "Adaptation," and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." "Synecdoche" tells the story of a self loathing playwright (is there any other kind?) played by (probably the best actor working today) Philip Seymour Hoffman, who is dumped by his aritst wife (Catherine Keener, at her sharpest and most bitterly sarcastic,) and wins a "genius grant" that starts him on an obsessive quest to create a massive theater piece that obsessively recreates his life to the very smallest details. Eventually, the play has grown to include plays within plays within plays, and cities within cities within cities, and lives within lives within lives, and so on and on and on in a self reflexive maze that becomes dizzying to unravel. Kaufman bares his soul and puts all his pet obsessions and themes- artistic and personal identity, fear of death, narrative puzzles, the meaning of life, romantic failure, and many more-- on the line with this hugely ambitious film. One of the most amazing things about the "Synecdoche" is that it's the work of a fist time director... with a relatively small $20 million budget, Kaufman impresses with his confident work with the camera and (more importantly) with the great cast of actors he has assembled (this movie has a huge group of great parts for some of the best film actresses working today, including Keener, Michelle Williams, Samantha Morton, Emily Watson, Hope Davis, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and the always wonderful and under appreciated Dianne Wiest, who is brilliant and heartbreaking here.) The movie's hero sometimes gets lost in his own wanderings, but the film really doesn't... it may sometimes feel like it's a bit offtrack, but I'm pretty sure Kaufman knew exactly where he was going with every little scene and choice, no matter how strange or disconnected it may seem on first viewing. This is a challenging yet engrossing film that's been knocking around in my head since I first saw it, and it's ultimately about something really simple and real. I'll let the more eloquent film critic Manohla Dargis of The New York Times express it better than I could have with this quote:
Despite its slippery way with time and space and narrative and Mr. Kaufman’s controlled grasp of the medium, “Synecdoche, New York” is as much a cry from the heart as it is an assertion of creative consciousness. It’s extravagantly conceptual but also tethered to the here and now, which is why, for all its flights of fancy, worlds within worlds and agonies upon agonies, it comes down hard for living in the world with real, breathing, embracing bodies pressed against other bodies. To be here now, alive in the world as it is rather than as we imagine it to be, seems a terribly simple idea, yet it’s also the only idea worth the fuss, the anxiety of influence and all the messy rest, a lesson hard won for Caden. Life is a dream, but only for sleepers.
"Synecdoche, New York" may be a little too self indulgent at times, it may go down a few plot dead ends that seem unsatisfying at first, it may not make perfect sense no matter how much you think about all the ideas in Kaufman's breathtaking directorial debut... but like the work of Fellinni, Allen, Lynch, and other major film artists that Kaufman is clearly influenced by with "Synecdoche, New York," it's true in a way that easier to digest movies Hollywood movies aren't. See it, then see it with me when I go to see it again.
It's also probably a pretty cool movie to watch while stoned.

This Is A Good Start, But...

2008-10-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

...there are so many more moments that could have been included in this compilation of scenes from what might be the worst movie ever released by a major studio.

"What? No!"
-Mark Wahlberg in "The Happening."

Stop The Madness!

2008-10-24T17:27:00.001-07:00

“I’d rather eat my own testicles than reform The Smiths — and that’s saying something coming from a vegetarian.”- Morrissey

Every single year, there is another rumor that my favorite band of all time, The Smiths, are reuniting. And every year, just as quickly, the rumors are refuted.
Despite knowing deep down it's not going to happen, I start looking into how soon it will be before I can buy tickets to Coachella, start figuring out what I have to do be up front and center for the show, start believing. I just have one request... Please, Please, Please... stop with these rumors if there is no truth to them. If it will ever happen, I'm all for it. But the famously eccentric Morrissey holds his grudges deeply (as evidenced by the quote at the top of this post) and certainly doesn't need the money, no matter how much of it is being offered. So just stop the annual Smiths reunion rumor until there is something real to report and an actual reason to hope... lord knows, it would be the first time.

This Is Way Better Than Oliver Stone's "W."

2008-10-24T12:08:00.001-07:00

John McCain: The George Lucas of Politics

2008-10-23T18:42:00.000-07:00

Desperately searching for blog post topics, I came upon the metaphor that John McCain, in his quite bizarre and desperate presidential run, has become the George Lucas of the political scene... out of touch and angry when criticized for being so. So, in my need to fill the Interwebs with more political content, what follows is my reasoning for said argument. You may find it a bit thin, but my friend did a funny photoshop for the thesis after I pitched it to him, so here's the blog post that goes along with it...

1.) GEORGE LUCAS CONSIDERS HIMSELF A MAVERICK, TOO: Lucas prides himself on operating outside the Hollywood system, self funding his "Star Wars" prequel trilogy and producing all three films far from the dreaded Sarlacc Pit that is Los Angeles. The only problem is, Lucas isn't doing something better than what Hollywood does... he's just isolated himself and lost touch with everything, creating some disastrously bad work in the process. The Hollywood system, like the one in Washington, may be "broken," but George Lucas sure can't fix it. Some fresh blood from young artists with great vision and new ideas are the elements needed to reinvigorate the movie biz. Sorta like what's going on in this election cycle.

2.) LUCAS HAS BETRAYED EVERYTHING PEOPLE ONCE LOVED ABOUT HIM: "Star Wars" was never "The Godfather," but the original trilogy had lightness, fun, invention, and imagination. The new trilogy is slow and ponderous and awkward and ugly and shot in front of green screens, creating some of the most unwatchably stiff performances by very good actors in screen history (kinda like McCain's debate performances... bah DUM!) The magic that his fans once believed in is totally gone, and he doesn't understand that.

3.) AND HIS FANS CRITICIZING HIM FOR BETRAYING EVERYTHING THEY LOVED ABOUT HIM JUST MAKES HIM DEFENSIVE: Like McCain, Lucas received a lot of criticism for his recent work. But instead of thinking about what his fans who made him a billionaire were trying to communicate him, he angrily bad mouthed the people who got him where he was in life to the press. Before "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" even came out, Lucas told an interviewer that "We're gonna have a bunch of angry people saying, ''You're a bunch of a--holes, you should never have done this. You've ruined my life forever. I loved Indiana Jones so much and now it's ruined.'' Well guess what, George? Most of your fans do think you ruined the franchise with CG monkeys and aliens and, the worst crime of all, an extremely slow, overly complex, and boring story... a story which you insisted on telling even when Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford clearly hated the idea. Maybe you could stop being so stubborn and set in your ways and look at what's going on around you and realize the reason people don't like your work is that it's not what people expect of someone with your track record. Instead of getting defensive, do better and live up to the high expectations you've earned over your (once) illustrious career.

4.) JAR JAR BINKS IS STUPID AND INEXPERIENCED: I'm stretching here for sure, but does no one else see the similarities between Sarah Palin and the much hated Jar Jar? I think it's mostly the annoying voices...

And that, George Lucas, is why Barack Obama is winning.

Here's the slightly disturbing photoshop job, made by my friend Mike Consiglio:

Holy Obama, Batman!

2008-10-17T12:29:00.000-07:00

This is too perfect. I thought "The Dark Knight" was the best Batman stuff ever put on film, then I saw this prescient debate scene. I always thought Penguin was more like Cheney than McCain, but this makes sense.

I'm voting Batman 08.

Animation Nerds, Rejoice

2008-10-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

The "Sleeping Beauty" 50th anniversary Blu Ray drops in stores tomorrow, with tons of cool internet connected bells and whistles. I've seen some previews of this baby... the picture looks gorgeous and the features are going to be awesome. Anyone with a BluRay player and a love of animation, or just film history in general, should pick this up tomorrow. Don't worry... buying a Disney movie about a princess does not make you "gay." There is a cool dragon in "Sleeping Beauty," after all.

Magic In Paradise

2008-10-02T17:52:00.001-07:00

My friends got married in Hawaii and invited me along to their destination wedding in paradise. I was too broke to go, but I went anyway. I'm exceedingly glad I did.

Followers of the blog will know that 2008 has been a bit rough on me. I was dumped back in January, couch surfed for a couple months in the summer, and moved in to a small studio apartment with my dog in August. I still don't feel fully moved in... all I have in my fridge right now is a Brita filter and a half drunk bottle of Rose'. That's right, living large.

So you can see why going to Hawaii felt like a necessary, transformative, and relaxing idea, despite the fact that I could not actually afford to go and be a responsible adult at the same time. I was looking for a "Sarah Marshall"-esque Hawaii experience, damnit, so who cared if I didn't have, you know, money?

I arrived in Kauai before everyone in the wedding party... including the bride and groom. I was actually alone in Hawaii for more than 24 hours... but I know, boo hoo, right? Poor me. I laid out on the beach and floated in the rocky part of the ocean, getting badly sunburned and cut on one of the rocks but feeling very relaxed overall. And the delicious Mai Tais at the nearby restaurant didn't hurt, either.

When my friends got into town, we really got to see more of the island. We drove to a river where we went Kayaking, hiking, swimming under a gorgeous waterfall, and cliff jumping. It was an awesome Hawaii adventure, where I once again got horribly sunburned.

The next day was the wedding day, and we spent the morning swimming near our hotel in the ocean... with sea turtles. Yeah, fucking awesomely large and old Sea Turtles, who would just swim up to us and let us touch them without getting too annoyed. When they popped their heads to get a breath of air, they made the funniest puffing sound and have this funny old man look on their faces. Clearly, these creatures had some sort of wisdom of the sea to impart, and my close encounters with sea turtles was the most magical part of the trip, by far. Even though I got horribly sunburned again.

The wedding was beautiful, informal as can be with everyone wearing Hawaiian shirts and Leis (which was the only place I got Leied. I always thought that Hawaii was more Lei crazy, that I'd get one right off the plane, when I got in a cab, when I got out of the shower, etc. This was not the case, though people were wearing them everywhere and making me wonder where they'd gotten them. Maybe it's just another sign of apocalyptically bad economy that they don't just give Leis out willy nilly anymore. What a tragedy.) The officiant was a funny old hippy who said "God, you're awesome," and seemed to be thanking the lord for his choice Maui Wowie. That's the kind of chill religion I can't object to. And the reception was great, as we were overloaded with an unending variety of delicious appetizers.

The day before we flew out of town, my friends and I walked over to the nearby shopping center and ate at Puka Dog, which serves amazing hot dogs covered in tropical flavored relish and Hawaiian style sweet mustard. I mean, these dogs were outrageous, and maybe only second to the sea turtles to win the title of most awesome thing about Hawaii (and Kayaking was awesome... I'm not criticizing the Kayaking trip, I'm just trying to express how fucking good the Puka Dogs were.) Against my better judgment, I had two dogs for lunch with their amazing Mango relish. Two dogs is way too much for any one man, but just look at these things:

Don't judge me. You'd have a second one too, if you were leaving town that day.

Anyway, the trip was too brief, and I wish I could have spent more time exploring the rest of Kauai's many beaches and checking out some of the other islands. But I know I'll go back one day. For now, my four days in Hawaii served their purpose... to get me out of my world for a little bit, to break me free of my worries, to let me relax for once after a year that has been fraught with tension, and to just float away and escape. I came back horribly sunburned but refreshed, and now I can dream easier of memories of the island (and those amazing Puka Dogs) instead of worrying about life as much.

Really, Hollywood? Really?

2008-10-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is pretty ripe for parody:

I mean, I appreciate the sentiment, Hollywood. The youth of America really needs to finally get motivated and participate in the most important election in decades. But man, a lot of these celebs come off as archly condescending in a way that will clearly turn a lot of people off. I mean, do people think Halle Barry telling them what to do will make them vote? Leo DiCaprio, in particular, is in grave danger of becoming the ultimate in Hollywood smugness. The guy seems to take himself way too seriously in the last few years. He's worked with some great directors lately, but man does he need a comedy, and bad. Get this man a Judd Apatow script.
I do think Kevin Bacon trying to get Kyra Sedgwick to leave was kind of a funny moment though.

I Can't Stop Posting Videos From Palin's Couric Interview

2008-10-02T11:50:00.001-07:00

When Couric asks her about other supreme court cases, her response is almost at a level of Ricky Gervaisian awkwardness.

This Woman Is Too Stupid And Unqualified To Name An Actual Magazine Title Let Alone Have Any Real Power

2008-09-30T17:54:00.000-07:00

The Veep debates should be... interesting.

Well, Look Who's Growing Some Balls...

2008-09-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

A democratic Presidential nominee who fights back strongly against slimy GOP attacks? This is a new concept.

S-O-U-T-H-E-R-N! C-A-L-I-F-O-R-N-I-A!

2008-09-15T17:13:00.001-07:00

Soooouthern Caaaaaalifoooooornia!

Tina Fey FTW

2008-09-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

This weekend's SNL season premiere got huge ratings, but was mostly a bust verging on disaster. Michael Phelps may be an amazing athlete and American hero, but actor he is not. Phelps was squinting at the cue cards all night and misspoke often, and his joke delivery was wooden. None of this is really a slam on Phelps... he's not supposed to be funny. That's not his job. But SNL really needs to stop booking athlete guest hosts... other than the funny and charismatic Peyton Manning.
But the season premiere did have one highlight... Tina Fey's much buzzed about return in which she played lookalike/ Republican VP nominee/ joke Sarah Palin. And, as a bonus, the incredible Amy Poehler joined her as Hillary Clinton. It's great, and the type of sharp political stuff SNL needs to be doing right now. Hopefully Fey (who has her hands very full starring in, producing, writing, and writing the amazing, Emmy winning "30 Rock,) will return a few more times to perform her excellent and hilarious Palin impression.

Another Political Blog Post

2008-09-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

And you all thought this was a pop culture blog, didn't you?

I'm deeply, deeply concerned over the way the election seems to be swinging in the last two weeks. The dems had a great convention, but then all of the sudden this game changer comes out of Alaska, and the Republican base has been "re-energized." I felt shocked when McCain picked the totally unqualified and terrifyingly right wing Palin as his running mate while he still yammered on about Obama's lack of experience. I thought people would reject her, especially Hillary supporters who could only see her being picked as a deeply cynical choice by McCain. And watching John McCain's rambling and nearly incoherent acceptance speech at the RNC, I thought there was no way McCain was still in this election.

But I was wrong. Many polls have Obama and McCain tied, with some of them showing McCain with a small lead. Obama still has an advantage in the electoral college polls, but some if too many of those key swing states turn red, we're in trouble. So yeah, I'm scared.

I can't imagine another four to eight years of a Republican White House. Why the hell can't we close this thing? We have a candidate who has inspired the youth, tons of registered democrats, and the worst president in history leaving office representing the other team. The economy is way down, the war in Iraq is still being fought after five long years, and McCain hasn't even said two words to describe how he plans to fix this mess we're in. So why is he up in the polls?

We're back to that same old, disgusting, Rovian mud slinging politics again. Tactics that twists a perfectly legitimate bit of legislation that encourages informing kindergarteners about how to protect themselves from predators into "comprehensive sex education." Strategy that includes using lightly critical quotes directed at Obama from the same editorials that slam McCain. The same politics that a guy who got out of fighting in Vietnam used to defeat a Vietnam hero by implying that maybe he was not that much of a hero, maybe sort of. Tactics that President Bush used to defeat... John McCain in the primaries eight years ago. Tactics that McCain claims he was above. This is not a "maverick." This is not someone who will "bring change to Washington." This is just another case of a politician who is so desperate that he's willing to stoop to boldfaced lies and ugly smears to win. But the sad part is that it's working, again.

Barack Obama needs to stand up now and not wimpily let himself get "swift boated" like John Kerry. He needs to rise above McCain's ugly tactics and call him out on it and prove that he's tough and will not be pushed around. He needs to stand up in front of the country and say, with conviction, "these ads are wrong and shameful. They are lies, and John McCain's campaign has become desperate to win at all costs, without ever saying one word about the actual issues that are important to all Americans. Bush did this to him 8 years ago and now he's stooped to the same level of nasty politics that he claimed to loathe. Enough. He can't talk about change and go back to Karl Rove's playbook. I am the only candidate capable of change. John McCain has proven that in the last, very pathetic week of his campaign."

Get up there next week, Barack, and do it. After you shoot down their pathetic and out line attacks, take back the reigns of the message of this campaign. Take back the word change for yourself and your party. I don't want to wait four years for you to prove that you have balls, as John Kerry finally did at the DNC two weeks ago. Show the country right now that you're a leader that can stand up to bullies. And show them that that's all McCain/ Palin are... just a couple of schoolyard bullies.

Can We Vote For This Guy In November?

2008-08-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

You're the best around. Nothing's gonna ever keep you down.

Hi, Debra. Go Fuck Yourself.

2008-08-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

What's wrong with people like this? Experience is important, but not extending the policies of the worst president ever is more important, isn't it?

And I'm sure Hilary Clinton wouldn't appreciate you voting for McCain just to make a point on her behalf, Debra. Obama should have picked Hilary as his running mate to unite the fractured party (while the candidate of change instead picked an old white guy to fill out his ticket... how brave.) But he didn't choose her and she lost the primary. Can we move on and elect a democrat to try and fix the idiocy of the last eight years already?

Sigh. America.

The Night Is Darkest Before Dawn: "The Dark Knight's" Full On Cultural Moment

2008-07-24T18:34:00.000-07:00

"The Dark Knight" has already grossed over $222 million in six days. It has smashed every record in the books. Biggest opening weekend ever. Fastest movie to $200 million. Biggest first five days in release ever. Biggest six days in release ever. It nearly broke the record for biggest single Wednesday gross of all time, missing "Men In Black II's" mark of $18,599,621 by a mere few hundred thousand dollars. And "MIBII" opened on a Wednesday, while "Dark Knight" has been out for almost a week.

The weekday grosses are out of control... $24 million on a Monday, another $20 million on Tuesday, and just over $18 million on a Wednesday. Any of these marks are great OPENING DAY numbers.

IMAX screenings in both New York and LA are sold out solid through the week and weekend, and might not be available for about two weeks. People are still lining up around the block for their fix of the movie, and it's currently rated as the number one movie of all time as rated by IMDB users.

Batman, ladies and gentlemen, is officially "bigger than Jesus."

"The Dark Knight" is experiencing a full on cultural moment that no film has enjoyed since at least "The Passion." That movie made a ton of money and got everyone talking and debating, but as many people were talking about the film to criticize its supposedly stereotypical depiction of Jews, over reliance on violence, and writer/ director/ former superstar Mel Gibson's bizarre behavior as people who actually liked and were moved by the film. "Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace" (why didn't we realize how bad it was going to be based on the fucking title nine years ago,) was the only thing the media could talk about before its release, and if 9/11 had happened the same weekend that "Star Wars" had come out, it still probably would have been given less coverage due to Jedi hype. But then the movie sucked, and everyone still saw it and talked about it, but "Dark Knight" will probably surpass that movie's gross in a week or two. No, you have to look back to "Titanic" and "Jurassic Park" for movies that really got audience's blood pumping and talking. Everywhere I go, people are buzzing about Batman.

I haven't seen the country so behind a movie in a long while. And a truly dark and disturbing one at that. I felt like this kind of thing was dead, now that there are so many screens showing the same movie ("Dark Knight" played on a record number of screens, yet tickets were still scarce everyhwhere this past weekend,) and so many people are buying their tickets online (myself included.) So what's the deal behind this amazing cultural moment?

THE HEATH FACTOR
Clearly, Heath Ledger's tragic death before the movie's release created more interest in the film, and tons of free media coverage, than the studio ever expected. And the fact that people have been talking about his work as The Joker and buzzing about a possible (and richly deserved) posthumous Oscar nomination drove curiosity through the roof. The fact that his last film was a big mainstream movie as well helped a lot... if "Brokeback Mountain" had been Ledger's final film, it's not as if middle America would have lined up to see him play a gay cowboy. But Heath's remarkable performance isn't enough to explain the film's unrelenting success. There's more to "Dark Knight's" appeal than morbid curiosity.

EVERYONE LOVES BATMAN
My geeky friends and I are not the only people who love Batman. Everyone loves The Caped Crusader. He's arguably the most popular super hero in existence... Spidey has always been huge, and who doesn't know Superman, but Batsy might, at this point, be the best known and loved hero of them all. But why didn't "Begins" make more when it came out, you ask?

BATMAN BEGINS REDEEMED THE CHARACTER
Love of Batman fails to explain why "Dark Knight" did three times the business that "Batman Begins" did three summers ago during its opening weekend. The problem was, pre "Begins," Batman movies had fallen on hard times. "Batman and Robin," Joel Schumacher's abortion of the franchise, is considered by many to be one of the worst movies of all time (in a hilariously bad way... Ahnuld's Mr. Freeze is unbelievable to behold, making him possibly the second most memorable big screen Bat-baddie... just for all the wrong reasons.) So even though "Batman Begins" made less than "Dark Knight" has already grossed in just six days, it was a well liked movie, and people who didn't see it in theaters saw it on DVD, getting them pumped and primed for the next one. I think that non film people were a bit confused and put off by the series relaunch, and still had bad taste in their mouths from "B and R." Only the true fan boys understood that Nolan was attempting to redeem the character and franchise.

PLAYING THE JOKER CARD
Even subtracting the Ledger factor, Joker vs Batman might be the most well known villain/ hero standoff in the history of the genre. Bringing The Joker in to the second film was a total master stroke, especially when Nolan teased the audience with the reveal that he would appear in "Dark Knight..." in the very last scene of "Begins." Because there is nothing more iconic than a clown facing off against a Bat. Or something.

CHRISTIAN BALE
Lost in all the praise that Heath is receiving is Christian Bale's improved performance as Batman/ Bruce Wayne after his already excellent turn in "Begins." People loved his Batman, and everyone was pumped to see him in the role again.

THE VIRAL MARKETING
Another stroke of genius from the studio... for anyone who cared to go down the rabbit hole, WB put out an excellent viral campaign that implied The Joker was effing with everyone on the Internet, sending fanboys into a frenzy that infected other, non geeks who just like Batman. That's why they call it "viral," I guess.

IT'S A GREAT FUCKING MOVIE, DAWG
"DK" is unequivocally fucking great. The movie is epic, dark, legitimately terrifying, intelligent, and fucking kick ass. Every time I've seen it (two and a half and counting,) the movie plays the audience like a fiddle, the tension rising at the scary sections, the nervous laughter filled the theater with all of the Joker's scary/ funny antics, and people cheered at the end (and many teared up a bit, including, ahem, myself.) People are talking about the movie after they see it. They're discussing its themes, ideas, moments that disturbed them, and yeah, the awesome scene where Batman on a motorcycle faces down the Joker in a truck. It's the most ambitious summer blockbuster ever made, and it goes way beyond the type of fun yet disposable entertainment we usually get when the weather gets hot. This is a honest to God great movie, with Batman at the center of it.

This is a legitimately exciting time to be a fan of Batman and movies in general. I'm going to stop writing now, because I want to get out of here and jump in line to see it again, talk about it more, and just be part of this undeniable cultural phenomenon.

James Cameron is probably feeling a little nervous right now about the Caped Crusader catching a certain ship in the next few months.

The Dark Effing Knight

2008-07-21T16:30:00.000-07:00

Remember me? Honestly, I don't either. I'm about to move into my own pad, so hopefully then I will start to blog again, with life updates galore and all the pop cultural insight the world (or two people who read it and have long since given up) has come to expect from this here blog.

But I can't move on in my life without giving "The Dark Knight" its due.

The latest Batman movie had the biggest opening of all time this past weekend, and it richly deserves every cent it makes. This is a movie created by filmmakers who really understand the Batman mythos, and who take it as seriously as it deserves to be taken.

It's also an amazing crime epic, a thoughtful film on terrorism and life in post 9/11 America, a psychological and philosophical study on human nature, a dark and disturbing look at madness, and kick ass Batman movie where the Caped Crusader rides a bad ass motorcycle and glides from skyscraper to skyscraper.

Heath Ledger's Joker will go down as one of the great screen villains of all time. If he doesn't take home a posthumous Oscar for his unhinged and unnerving performance, I just might give up. His Joker is, as many reviews have pointed out "a force of nature" that descends upon Batman's Gotham and makes it go crazy as he runs his own experiments in human psychology and forces all the characters into impossible ethical choices.

But Aaron Eckhart's tragic performance as doomed DA Harvey Dent is equally strong, though maybe not as in your (forgive the expression) face. His story is actually the film's true through line, as Joker doesn't have a backstory or real arc (which is totally appropriate for the character and works brilliantly.)

Gary Oldman, as cop ally Jim Gordon, is astoundingly good as well, giving a speech that will break your heart and give you chills at an important moment. And what else can be said about Michael Caine, who takes the role of Bruce Wayne's butler, Alfred, to places nobody thought possible.

And then there's Bale, who plays Batman/ Bruce Wayne with more intensity than any actor before him. This is the movie all fans of Batman have been waiting for for a very, very long time.

"The Dark Knight" is the best movie of the year so far by leaps and bounds, and it's the best super hero movie ever made by a mile. It's a dark, heartbreaking, and brooding epic, and it makes other so called "dark" super hero movies look laughable. People die in this movie, and character's lives are ruined. This is a movie where none of the main characters come out unscathed by the film's events, and there is no happy or triumphant ending like the other films in this genre always have. But there is Batman at the end, so there is hope.

The final moments of the film are so powerful that I teared up and had chills running up and down my spine both times I've seen it. This is great cinema, without the caveat that it's "a great comic book movie" or a "great super hero movie" or even "a great action movie." No, this is a great movie, period. And as such, I may have new favorite movie of all time.

As The Joker says in his mindblowing first scene, "How about a magic trick?" This whole movie is a magic trick of the highest order, and director Christopher Nolan deserves to be elevated to the elite status of God among geeks after his work on this, I'll just go ahead and say it, masterpiece.

Fortune And Glory

2008-05-04T02:09:00.001-07:00

The new Indy trailer came out this weekend, attached to newly minted blockbuster "Iron Man." All I can say, after watching the trailer over and over and comparing it to the underwhelming teaser, is... fuck yeah, that's more like it.

I'm still not convinced about Shia.
It's not the years. It's the mileage.

Let The Summer Movie Shenanigans Begin!

2008-05-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

All I need to say about summer movies, I've said before in a previous post from two years ago.

Tis the season for big dumb summer blockbusters, and 2008 promises to be a good one when it comes to that type of movie. "Iron Man" hits screens everywhere today, launching Hollywood's assault on our senses and wallets, in a season that will include a new Indiana Jones movie, a new vision of the Joker in a sequel to an excellent Batman flick, a Kung Fu fighting Panda, stoners on the run from killers in what is sure to be another Apatow hit, and a little Pixar robot that could just be the biggest hit of them all. And maybe some of these big dumb summer blockbusters might not be so dumb after all... the reviews for "Iron Man" are pretty incredible, and great buzz is building for a lot of the biggest blockbusters of the season, some of which are made by real filmmakers and not just Michael Bay hacks... king of Hollywood Steven Spielberg, Chris Nolan, indie darling David Gordon Green, and "Finding Nemo's" Andrew Stanton all have big movies coming out this summer.

Maybe this will be the summer that the little kid in all of us have been dreaming about. Or maybe we'll just get to see a few buildings blow up real good.

Either way, pass me the popcorn.

Lost Watch: Jacked

2008-05-02T13:26:00.001-07:00

Episode Title: Something Nice Back Home
Air Date: May 1, 2008

It seems like it's been awhile since the masterminds behind "Lost" gave us an episode about how Jack is a control freak martyr more obsessed with helping others than helping himself who is totally incapable of happiness... but they corrected that mistake last night with the latest episode. I was beginning to forget all that, what with all the amazing character reveals about Benjamin and mind blowing plot twists that have advanced the story in amazing new ways in the last few weeks.

Alright, I'll stop complaining and try to think of "Something Nice Back Home" as a moment for all of us fans to catch our breath after the roller coaster Ben To The Future episode from last week.

Jack gets sick and, just like Jack, tries to pretend everything is fine. When Juliet presses him, she discovers he needs an emergency procedure to have his appendix removed. Jack, being a stubborn control freak, insists on staying awake for the surgery, and wants Kate to sit in on the procedure and hold up a mirror... to make sure that Juliet is performing the procedure right. But even Jack can't take it, and they put him under and make Kate leave. Jack, unsurprisingly, survives.

The most intriguing part of the on island drama, which feels like the kind of conflict that would have happened early in the show's run, before they got so deep into the mythology, was when Rose tells Bernard she's worried about the reason that Jack got sick... because, as she says (and knows from personal experience,) people get better on the island, not sicker. Has Jack "angered the gods" as Bernard puts it? Or is the island pissed at him for trying to get the survivors off of it? Also worth noting are the scenes between Jin and Sun and freighter people Charlotte and Daniel. Jin realizes that Charlotte can speak Korean after he sees her listening to them, and he tells her that she must get Sun off the island when the helicopter comes back... or he will hurt her friend Daniel, who she clearly has feelings for (despite his weirdo crazy scientist nature.)

The more interesting part of the episode was the flash forwards, where we learn that Jack and Kate are living together... and seem to be deeply in love (and doing it a lot, heh heh.) The flash forward even starts with Jack reading to little Aaron... from "Alice in Wonderland," no less. But Jack and Kate's seeming domestic bliss can't last for long, because, let's face it, it's Jack Shepherd and Kate Austen we're talking about here. Besides the flash forwards clearly take place between Kate's trial episode, when she insisted that he has to be able to deal with baby Aaron if he wants to be with her, and the first flash forward episode featuring crazy, unconvincing beard sporting, pill popping Jack. Last night's episode begins to show how well adjusted post island Jack became that out of his mind Jack.

Jack visits Hurley in the mental institution, who tells him that Charlie visits him often... and that he has a message for Jack, that "you're not supposed to raise him." Hurley's spooky warning is an echo from the creepy psychic who gave Claire the same warning in season one, that only she can raise her baby, and proves the writers are finally starting to tie every little story string together. Even though he tells Hurley to take his meds, Jack is clearly shaken by Hurley's words... and his warning, that "someone is going to visit you soon."

Jack proposes to Kate, and she accepts, but we know that's not gonna last... he still has yet to become crazy bearded Jack who hangs out at the airport and flies around the world on Oceanic planes "hoping they will crash." He starts to become suspicious of her when he overhears her on a phone call and she seems to be lying about who she was talking to.

Jack really starts to lose it when Hurley's promise about a visitor comes true... when Jack sees his dad in the hospital waiting room. Jack, afraid that he is truly losing his mind, asks a fellow doctor to write him a prescription for anti-depression meds... and so Dr. Jack Shepherd's love affair with pills begins.

After much badgering, Kate admits she was fulfilling a promise to Sawyer, which obviously pisses the good doctor off, and leads to the end of their domestic bliss... and the beginning of Jack's new found fondness for alcoholic beverages. The nasty breakup fight ends with Kate telling Jack she doesn't want him around "her son," which Jack angrily responds to by saying "your son? He's not even related to you!" So obviously Jack has figured out that Claire was his sister... making Jack Aaron's uncle, which explains a lot why he was so hesitant to accept him in order to be with the woman he loves.

And what of our Claire-Bear? In the episodes "B" story (or "C" story, depending on if you count the on island and flash forward stuff as "A" and "B" stories... I'm going to stop being a screenwriting structure nerd and move on....) Sawyer, Ghostbuster Miles, and Claire carrying baby Aaron are heading back to the beach after deserting team Locke. Not much happens to them on their little journey... Sawyer protectively tells Miles to stay away from Claire, and they hide in the bushes when the mercenaries who attacked Ben in last week's episode walk by. But the episode ends with some juicy Claire stuff... her father (and Jack's father, let's not forget, who is supposed to be dead, let's not forget that either,) shows up in the middle of the night. In the morning, Sawyer wakes to discover Claire and Aaron are gone... and Miles tells him that "they wandered off into the jungle" When Sawyer asks why he let her go off in the jungle alone, Miles tells him they weren't alone... that she was with someone she called "dad." Sawyer runs to the sound of a crying baby... and discovers an abandoned Aaron sitting under a tree.

Claire seems pretty much gone with the wind at this point, and her mysterious disappearance will probably not be resolved by the time the Oceanic 6 leave the island, seeing as her baby leaves and she doesn't.

So, we're left with an episode that is a bit slower, and a bit heavier on character development than it is on plot and story (though there is plenty of good set up stuff.) Maybe we didn't need another Jack episode, but it was interesting to see Jack and Kate finally make a go of it as a couple... and to see them predictably fail at it. And from the promos for next week's episode, it looks like we're finally really going to get to meet Jacob, the one guy Ben claims he takes orders from, so there's really no reason to worry about the state of "Lost." Though I probably don't need any more reminders that Jack is a control freak martyr more obsessed with helping others than helping himself who is totally incapable of happiness. I think that base is well covered at this point.

Lost Watch: Unleashing The Proverbial Beast

2008-04-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

Episode Title: The Shape of Things to Come
Air Date: April 24, 2008

Wow.

Seriously, wow.

Last night's episode of "Lost" was mother effing epic.

I'm going to split the three different parts of last night's out of this world episode, because damn, a lot happened. A friendly game of Risk (in which Hurley cryptically tells Sawyer and Locke that "Australia is the key to the game,") is interrupted when Charles Widmore's mercenaries attack Locke's camp in an attempt to bring Ben in. Sawyer runs to rescue a sleeping Claire from one of the houses, running into a group of non featured characters... who all get picked off one by one. Note to any characters who want to survive on "Lost..." if you have a speaking role, your odds of survival are much better.

The mercenaries reveal that they are holding Ben's daughter hostage, and threaten to kill her if he doesn't come out. Talking to the lead mercenary over a radio, Ben told him he wouldn't come out, confident that they were bluffing and would never shoot his daughter.

Then they shoot his daughter.

A stunned and hurt Ben uses the last bit of defense he can on the surrounding assault team.

He calls out the smoke monster.

Let me repeat that: Ben calls out the smoke monster.

Seriously, ol' smokey is apparently like an attack dog that Ben can use whenever he feels like it. Which means he lied about not knowing anything about it when Locke asked him.

After smokey takes out the mercenaries- because guns are very ineffective against a monster made of smoke, Ben stops to "say goodbye to his daughter."

Locke's team runs into the woods, where they hope to find Jacob's creepy ghost cabin. After all the insanity, Sawyer decides he's finally had enough of Locke's crazy man shenanigans and decides to head back to Jack's camp with Claire, Aaron, and Hurley. But Benjamin and Locke won't let Hurley go... because he is the only one who can find Jacob's cabin. Hurley mans up and says he will stay with Locke and Ben to avoid anymore bloodshed, and Sawyer touchingly promises to kill Locke if he hurts even one of Hurley's curly hairs. And Locke's response, after a bit of a beat, is priceless... he looks Sawyer in the eye and says "fair enough."

Back on the beach with Jack's crew, things get tense when a body washes ashore on the beach. It turns out to be the doctor from the freighter, whose throat has been slashed (clearly he didn't heed his own warning about "not pissing the captain off.") Jack wants an explanation and gets Daniel to use the broken satellite phone to transmit a signal to the ship in morse code... and then Daniel tries to lie about the freighter's mysterious response. Unfortunately for Daniel, old Bernard knows morse code and calls him on the lie. When Jack asks if the freighter crew ever had any intentions of bringing the survivors back from the island, a freaked out Daniel admits that they never did plan on rescuing them, giving legitimacy to Ben's claims that the crew plans on slaughtering everyone on the island once they have Ben in their possession.

Oh, and Jack is getting sick... which is clearly going to lead to an episode where somebody who isn't a doctor must operate on the doctor. This kind of story turn seems a bit lame, considering all the game altering twists and turns in the last episode, but hopefully the writing team is going somewhere with the subplot.

Anyway, on to the last but certainly not least of the three parts of the episode... Ben's flash forward. The first time we see him, Ben is waking up in the middle of the Sahara Desert, where he quickly kills two men on horseback who discover him. He heads into town and checks into a hotel (where he is a preferred customer who travels under an alias,) and asks the desk clerk the date... and needs to confirm the year.

So somehow Ben got off the island and ended up right smack in the middle of the desert... but is unsure of the year. More time travel stuff, it looks like.

Ben arrives just in time to show up at a funeral... for Sayid's dead wife. Turns out Sayid finally found the woman he had been searching for before he crash landed on mystery island, married her, and less than a year later, had to bury her. She was murdered, and Benjamin claims he is at the funeral to find the assassin who killed his wife. He shows him a picture of a man who was seen driving away right after Sayid's wife was murdered in Los Angeles... at the corner of La Brea and Santa Monica, which is just three blocks from where she was killed. And also my exact neighborhood, which is spooky/ awesome.

Ben tells Sayid that he got off the island using "Desmond's boat." Now, waking up in the middle of the desert probably implies that he didn't use a boat... but Desmond may have something to do with it, since it seems like Ben might have jumped through time somehow.

Sayid, angry and mournful, helps Ben track down and kill the assassin... then asks Ben who is "next" on his list. Ben tries to talk Sayid out of helping him, telling him it's "not his war," but Sayid insists, telling him he has nothing to live for other than avenging his wife's murder. Benjamin finally relents, but when walks away from Sayid, he smiles his evil Ben smile. And we witness how another one of our poor islanders is manipulated by Ben Linus.

At the end of the flash forward, Ben sneaks into Charles Widmore's hotel suite, where the two men finally confront eachother face to face. Ben tells Widmore that he "changed the rules" when his men murdered Alex. Widmore tells Ben that "everything you have you took from me," implying that Widmore was probably behind the Dharma Initiative work that Ben disrupted... by murdering anyone who worked for them. When Widmore asks Ben if he's going to kill him, Ben tells him that "both you and I know that I can't do that." Ben then promises to hunt down Widmore's daughter and kill her as revenge... that's right, Benjamin Linus has a personal vendetta against Desmond's true love, Penny. Widmore tells Ben that he'll never find Penny, while Ben tell Widmore he'll never find the island... and the game is on.

So why can't Ben kill Widmore? What are these "rules" Ben speaks of that Widmore broke? How far back does their association go? How the hell DID Ben get off the island? And just where does one buy food for your pet giant smoke monster anyway?

This was an episode where the patience of "Lost" fans really paid off, as mind blowing reveal after mind blowing reveal added up, all of them building to what promises to be an absolutely explosive finale where more than one of our favorite islanders will probably not make it. It was a fast paced hour with tons of new information that left fans with even more intriguing questions than ever, and most excitingly, it really did hint at the shape of things to come for the show now that the writers have the freedom of knowing just how long the show will go on and that they have an idea of where their endpoint is... we're gonna get more and more answers as the show goes on. Which will lead to more and more questions.

Hockey PS: They Did It!

2008-04-22T22:08:00.001-07:00

I know, I know... three posts in one day, completely without precedent. But I just had to add this mini-update after my earlier hockey blog... my boys pulled it off! The San Jose Sharks won 5-3 tonight against the Calgary Flames in a Game Seven elimination contest, advancing to the second round of the playoffs, where they will face a very good Dallas Stars team.

And they did it on the back of 38 year old veteran JEREMY ROENICK, who scored 2 goals and had 2 assists. The future hall of famer came out of "semi-retirement" to sign with San Jose for one reason only... he's never won a Stanley Cup. He joined the team looking to win a championship, and his veteran play, leadership skills, heart, intensity, and sheer will to win helped the team make their amazing playoff push at the end of the season... and led them to the big victory tonight, a game in which the Sharks scored four straight goals in the second period.

The series against the Flames, seventh seeded underdogs, looked dicey for a little while... but the Sharks pulled it out. Now all they have to do is beat some really good teams.

GO SHARKS!

The Loneliness Of The Lone Hockey Fan, Who Is All Alone

2008-04-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

First of all, I know what you're thinking: two posts in one day! My god, this is not the lazy and unproductive Frustrated Dinosaur we've grown to love, (or at least tolerate.) But like I said, it's a whole new ball game. Or Ice Hockey game.

Did you enjoy that super clunky segue? I hope you did, because this post is gonna be all about hockey. My beloved San Jose Sharks are on the brink of advancement or elimination as they face an irritatingly scrappy Calgary Flames team in game seven of the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. If they lose, they go home after just one round in the playoffs, which would be more than a little disappointing as the Sharks, who have never won a Stanley Cup (or even played in the finals in the franchise's history,) spent the two last months of the regular season looking nearly unbeatable, going 20 games in a row without a regulation defeat, and overtaking the defending champion (and San Jose's rivals) Anaheim Ducks to win the Pacific Division. They've got one of the most talented teams in the league, with master puck handler and long time assist leader Joe Thornton leading the offense and Vezina award finalist Evgeni Nabokov providing a lot of heart between the goal posts, finishing the season as the goalie with the most wins in the league.

But regular season heroics become moot once the playoffs start, as playoff hockey features some of the most exciting and dramatic play in the entire world of sports.

Too bad nobody really cares about hockey in the USA.

It's becoming harder and harder to list hockey as a "major" sport alongside NFL Footbal, NBA Basketball, and MLB Baseball. I mean, Arena Football sometimes seems like it's creeping up on hockey in the ratings... if you can even find a hockey game on television. NHL games are no longer featured on ESPN, and most of the playoffs have been regulated to the sad and dismal Vs. Network, which airs bull riding and fishing competitions when there are no hockey games to show. Come to think of it, ESPN also shows fishing competitions every once in awhile. But not hockey. Neither does ESPN 2, the network that invented the X-Games, and it's a sad day in the world when street luge gets bigger ratings than an exciting, fast paced sport with as long and storied a history as any of the other "major sports."

Being a hockey fan is a lonely proposition. Sometimes I head out to sport's bars in hopes of catching a game, and have to ask a waitress to flip the game on instead of a Spring Training baseball game or coverage of the NFL draft. As much as I love football, and talking about football, I'd rather watch an actual hockey game than people talking about who might be drafted to eventually play in a football game.

It's a shameful feeling to watch the game on the bar as the rest of the patrons shake their head, wishing the bartender would switch on televised poker. Or fishing competitions. Or golf. I mean really, who can watch golf?

But what can I do? I can't fight being a hockey fan. I was born that way. You think I wouldn't rather follow basketball or baseball instead of hockey? You think I don't wish I could actually watch critically important games on television instead of being forced to listen to them over tinny, streaming internet radio broadcasts like some sort of resistance fighter hiding a bootleg radio from the SS as I huddle at my desk and pray for good news?

Standing up and admitting to the world that "yes, I am a hockey fan!" is to become an outsider in sports world. Nobody understands why you would ever want to discuss guys named Nabokov or Ovechkin when you could talk about Kobe and A-Rod instead. People don't understand why you are desperate to see the score in a hockey game, which often ends in 1-0 finals, when you can watch the Lakers score 120 points in one game (though nobody seems to complain when baseball games end with final scores of 2-1 after 22 innings...it's the "national pastime," after all.)

People don't understand the game. They can't follow the puck, that elusive tiny black disc that moves too fast for the cameramen to keep up with most of the time. And they're not wrong... hockey is probably the sport that translates the worst to television. Plus, the Canadian play by play announcers are much too polite to get Americans excited about the game, even though it's legal (and considered a sound defensive play) to slam another guy headfirst into glass boards and more fights break out than goals are scored.

But if you go to a game as a hockey fan, then you are finally truly with your people. People who share your obsession, your urge to watch a sport that mainstream America doesn't understand. Once you go to a hockey game, you will finally get hockey. You'll understand the intensity, the speed, the excitement, the bone crunching hits. And the fights, which hockey fans encourage with loud cheers. This is a sport played by athletes who play harder and with more heart than the overpaid whiners in more popular sports who complain if they don't think the media is paying enough attention to them. This is probably because superstar players in other sports are paid higher salaries than entire NHL team rosters. These guys are not playing for fame or millions... they are playing because they want to win a Stanley Cup, the most coveted and historical trophy in professional sports.

And if you go to a Sharks game, you'll get to see players skate out of a giant, smoking shark mouth with flashing, light up red eyes. Which is fucking awesome.

Go Sharks!

Forgetting The First Quarter Of 2008

2008-04-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

Though it's not as good as his best movies, at least in this moment of my life, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" is the most personally relatable of Judd Apatow's recent outrageous comedies with heart about slacker man boys growing up. Though it doesn't have as brilliant a leading man as "The 40 Year Old Virgin," it's less coherent overall than "Knocked Up," and not nearly as funny as "Superbad," it's by far the one that that I, as a sensitive, Jason Segal-type Jewish nerd (who would be proud to be the creator of a Dracula puppet musical,) can relate to the most out of his recent hits. I mean, I haven't gotten anybody pregnant, didn't have crazy "American Grafitti" like adventures when I graduated high school, and didn't have to wait to lose my virginity until I turn 40, thank you very much, but I have been dumped. Very recently, in fact.

In my post a few days ago, I made reference to circumstances which "led to a long period of self pity and despair." To keep all of you loyal readers out there who have been wondering and worrying about said circumstances, I will lift the shroud of mystery for all those readers who don't know me (there might be one or two!) and reveal the inner secrets of my painful and tortured 2008.

Basically, as I implied in the opening paragraph which I so gracelessly wrote to try and make this post relevant to the current pop culture zeitgeist, I got dumped.

It's not the first time I've been dumped, nor will it be the last time. But this dumping has been particularly brutal due to a few factors:

1.) My ex girlfriend and I just moved into a new, awesome West Hollywood apartment right before she dumped my ass, an apartment complete with a backyard and a "cute" front patio. The place is a comfortable walking distance from everything a Los Angelino could need, from grocery stores to movie theaters to barber shops to hip bars to various ethnic eateries. You can even walk to Amoeba in less than twenty minutes from the place. What else could you ask for?
Oh yeah, you could ask for a washer/ dryer in the apartment, ridding yourself of the need to horde quarters and stake out your building's laundry machines like a rabid animal. Yeah, this place has that too.

2.) We just got a dog, and one with major abandonment issues and more neurosis than Woody Allen (making him the perfect pet for myself, by the way.) The poor dog probably didn't think he was going to become a child of divorce so quickly, but that's the society we live in today.

3.) We were less than two weeks shy of our 3 year anniversary, which happens to fall on the same weekend as Valentine's day. It totally ruined that movie "Jumper" for me. (Kidding, I didn't see "Jumper." But I did, despite my very acute fantasy movie fatigue, nearly buy a ticket to see "The Spiderwick Chronicles" that weekend, simply because the Indiana Jones trailer premiered with that movie.)

4.) The dumping came just a few weeks after my job writing for the internet for compensation ended (which is why I write for the internet for free these days.) Obviously, this is not her fault, but being unemployed and dumped at the same time is a nice recipe to make you feel utterly worthless.

I don't write all this personal information on this blog, which I normally use as a forum to discuss, debate, and generally overanalyze pop culture ephemera, to try to arouse your sympathy, vilify my ex (she made a decision she felt she needed to make in her life and I can't begrudge her that,) or to reveal to the world that I am becoming a eye shadow wearing, Fall Out Boy listening emo douche. I am not going to start using this blog to whine and complain, or start using this as a forum to tell the world my "mood" at the top of each blog, complete with an appropriate emoticon and a description of what sad music I am "currently listening" to to help illustrate my deep sadness to the world, even though the world will never understand my pain, boo hoo.

No, I revealed this information to you to publicly acknowledge and explain why I've been less than productive in my writing, both on my blog and in general, since 2008 started. It's because the double whammy of being laid off and dumped at the beginning of a new year kind of kicked my ass for awhile, and did lead to more than a little bit of moping around and wearing pajama bottoms until midday. (In my defense, I had cool, and very comfortable, Jack Daniels pajama bottoms. But they recently ripped and became unwearable, which I suppose is metaphor or sign for something somehow.)

And the main reason I'm writing this blog is to officially make a vow for all the world to see: I'm going to start turning this year around, from this moment on. I've got balls rolling on multiple writing projects that I'm very excited about and a few promising job prospects finally popping up. So, as a good (and nerdy) screenwriter, I'm going to consider the last few months of my life the "second act break" of this particular storyline, which is always the low point for the hero of any screen story. We folks who are "in the biz" (or, more accurately, hope to one day be "in the biz,") call it the "all is lost" moment, when the chips are all down for the main character, when everything looks totally bleak, when... well, all is lost. And like any good, interesting, and active hero, it's up to me to write an ending to this story where I turn around all my misfortune, write a kick ass screenplay, get an agent and studio deal, and, because living well really is the best revenge, start dating either Mila Kunis or Kristen Bell (I had to tie it all back in to "Sarah Marshall" somehow, didn't I?)

So, yes, you may have won round one, 2008. But now it's my turn.

And I plan on making the rest of this year my bitch.

Ring a Ding Ding: Eight Reasons I Heart Las Vegas

2008-04-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I have an unhealthy obsession with Las Vegas. Being a movie nerd who has a blog called "The Frustrated Dinosaur," you might not think of me as the Rat Pack, Sin City type... but man, do I love that ridiculous town. After reading the interesting (though cruddily written) nonfiction book "Winner Takes All: Steve Wynn, Kirk Kerkorian, Gary Loveman, and the Race to Own Las Vegas," I decided to finally start writing the Vegas screenplay I always knew I had in me (and besides, it will give me a reason to do some "research trips" to Sin City.) It also made me think about why, exactly, do I love such a willfully stupid place. So here is my list of reasons that I love Vegas so much.

I'M AN OVERGROWN KID AT HEART:
and Vegas appeals directly to that type of person. In the early to mid-nineties, a bunch of the new resorts being built on the strip were designed for "family fun." Quickly casino builders realized a pretty obvious point... Vegas is not really the best place for the little ones, and the pirate themed "Treasure Island," featuring an action packed stunt show starring swashbuckling buccaneers became "TI," featuring a similar stunt show with scantily clad babes. But the "Disneyification" of Vegas was still happening, and the Casino moguls realized they should just keep building mega casinos that appealed to the 21 and over set. This is how Vegas became Disneyland for adults... and man, do I love Disneyland. I've always dreamt of becoming an Imagineer, and Vegas has kinda turned into an extension of that Fantasyland for grown ups (though the rides are not nearly as good as Disney's.) The town is filled with overdesigned fakery, which leads me to...

I REALLY LOVE OVERDESIGNED FAKERY:
I don't really know why, but I just do. I love being on movie sets and backlots, I love (as I said) Disneyland and other theme parks that are something more than just groups of roller coasters thrown together, and I love the huge and stupid Vegas mega casinos. I've never been to Paris or Venice, and I'm pretty sure they're much nicer than Paris Las Vegas or The Venetian (though the rooms in the Venetian are super nice,) but I get a kick out of the way the designers try to place you in these different, fantasy locations... even though everything around you is clearly fake and pales in comparison to the real thing. I can't really explain it, but I really enjoy that artifice, that attempt to immerse you in a fantasy world, in a living story. It's what Disney does best, but Vegas does pretty damn well themselves.

YOU GET TO PRETEND YOU'RE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT AND DO THINGS YOU WOULDN'T DO IN ANY OTHER TOWN:
I actually look pretty good (and always feel pretty great,) in a tux, and I think I mostly pull it off because I get to live my Frank Sinatra/ Rat Pack dreams when I wear one, and going to Vegas indulges the same fantasy. I get to imagine I'm part of the Rat Pack as I stride down the strip, I get to pretend I'm a way cooler high roller than I really am when I sit down at a Roulette table as a cocktail waitress brings me a free drink. The genius marketers who came out with the "What Happens in Vegas Stays In Vegas" slogan hit it right on the head... it's one of the most honest marketing phrases in history. The town encourages you to cut loose and indulge in vices you would never have imagined yourself doing in the past. Wanna go to a strip club even though you're not a "strip club guy?" Go for it, you're in Vegas! Your regular rules don't apply. And hey, why not, put down forty on black... normally you're uptight with money, but just let it ride. You might win, and if you don't, shrug it off... you're in Sin City, you're supposed to go home with lighter pockets.

YOU CAN WALK ON THE STREET WITH OPEN CONTAINERS OF LIQUOR:
This is not a small perk... this is truly awesome. Because in most cities, laws against walking around with open containers are perfectly reasonable and logical. They keep drunken fools from stumbling at sober citizens who don't want do deal with them... but in Vegas, we're ALL drunken fools. Plus, it's really fun to carry your drink with you casino to casino. Helps you feel like one of those Gin swilling Rat Packers (man, could those guys drink at a truly legendary level.)

SLEAZE IS IN THE TOWN'S DNA:
No matter how expensive Steve Wynn's new mega resorts are, no matter how classy they try to market themselves as, there will always be sleaze in Vegas... this is a town built by mobsters and gambling, a town where prostitution is practically legal, and where you can, well drink open containers of liquor on the streets. As you approach a 2.7 billion dollar casino meant to evoke class and beauty, you pass obnoxious dudes slapping together cards with phone numbers of escort girls in your face. Sure it's obnoxious, but it's Vegas! The old, smoky casinos, many of which have been imploded to make way for big new ones, will never totally go away, and who doesn't love a little old fashioned sleaze, every once in awhile? You don't really get Vegas until you sit down in one of the older Casinos when it's nearing five in the morning, talk to the old bartender serving you cheap Jack and Cokes about how long he's lived there, and observe compulsive gamblers waiting desperately for one of their slot machines they've been pumping full of money for hours to pay out as forty year old cocktail waitresses wearing ill fitting uniforms designed for much younger women keep bringing them watered down free cocktails. Sure, that might sound sad to you... but it's part of the weirdness, part of what makes it Vegas. It always will be, no matter how grand The Wynn, The Bellaggio, or the new planned City Center are. And I love that crazy contradiction.

BUFFET!:
Though Vegas's reputation as a town for discerning foodies has grown in the last fifteen years, with world famous celebrity chefs opening five star restaurants in the mega-casinos, no Vegas trip is complete without a trip to one of the town's signature culinary attractions... the buffet! Keeping in theme with the town's entire aura of excess, it's always a blast to gorge yourself by going down the line and stacking your plate with various foods that shouldn't usually be eaten in the same meal, whether it be at The Wynn's super fancy and delicious buffet ($34 per person,) or at a cheaper $5.95 buffet that includes stomach problems with the low price. You might be on a diet, but indulge yourself while you're in Vegas. You won't regret it (except for the stomach thing. That you might regret.) Added bonus, on Sunday Brunch buffets... free crappy Mimosas!

THE SHEER DIVERSITY OF ENTERTAINMENT OPTIONS:
You've gotta catch at least one show while you're in town, right? You can check out world class entertainers like Elton John or Jerry Seinfeld or one of the 57 different Cirque Du Soleil shows playing on the strip. But if French Candian gymnasts with $150 ticket prices aren't your bag, there are a whole lot of options for fun Las Vegas discount shows. From Vegas's resident Neil Diamond impersonator, the one who the real Mr. Diamond has said is his favorite in the world, to cheesy magic shows, Vegas has everything. The strip even features a topless vampire show called "Bite," and any town with the balls to open a topless vampire review show called "Bite" is worth visiting in my book.

IT'S JUST SO DAMN BIG, LOUD, AND STUPID:
Almost defiantly, Vegas is tasteless, crude, stupid, and over the top. Basically, it's a pretty good metaphor for America. Maybe you'll say it's a metaphor for what's wrong with America... the super commercialized, loud, and stupid parts of American culture that French snobs in the real Paris (not the gaudy recreation in Vegas) love to turn their noses at. But let's not forget, those people idolize Jerry Lewis. Vegas is all about fun and play, and it is stupid... but why overanalyze or criticize it when you can walk down the street from fake New York to fake Rome, pass a show featuring Prince and Michael Jackson impersonators on the street, drink cheap beer at a dolphin habitat, or order Chicken Wings while lounging by the side of a pool? Even the the progressive minded and glittery new CityCenter complex, with its green friendly hotels and emphasis on natural light over the traditional casino strategy of using ugly flourecents to confuse gamblers about the time of day, also happens to be the most expensive privately funded construction project in the history of the country and ended up kind of looking like a large airport. Vegas is big and stupid, and I love it for that.

Also, you can totally drink on the streets! Did I mention that already?

There Will Be Blog

2008-04-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year, when my unemployment checks first started rolling in after the wonderful Broadcaster website went belly up (completely unexpectedly, I assure you. I mean, who woulda thunk that not innovating at all in the world of new media would have led to not making money or gaining a user base?,) I decided to spend my mornings jogging and blogging, in hopes of exercising my brain and real muscles. Circumstances intervened that led to a long period of self pity and despair (which I may get to in a future posting,) and led to me starting each day no earlier than 11 o'clock in the morning, with the sad thought that "at least it's still the morning."

So I've decided to shake off the cobwebs that gather on my blog-space when there are no new "Lost" episodes to write about, and to begin working my brain muscles again (and hopefully my real ones as well... I'm gonna get back on that jogging routine...I swear,) by writing new blog entries at a fairly frequent rate. In that last sentence, I considered promising that I'd start writing entries every day, but who am I kidding, right?

I'm hoping that a new blogging routine will help discipline my brain in preparation for the creation of more substantial writings, writings that I hope are more lucrative than this lone and poorly attended blog (though if I sign up for Google Ad Sense, I might be able to collect a few cents a month!)

So, for any of you out there who consider yourselves friends of this blog, look back at a more regular rate than you have in the past. Understandably, I'm sure your routine at this juncture, if you've ever cared enough to do so, was to maybe once a month curiously navigate your web based browser over to www.frustrateddinosaur@blogspot.com and grumble to yourself "I wonder if that lazy asshole has updated lately?"

Well, now the answer will be, at least a bit more frequently, "why, yes, this lazy asshole has indeed updated lately."

More to come soon. It's a brave new blog.

Lost Watch: He's Baaaaack!

2008-03-22T00:54:00.000-07:00

Episode Title: Meet Kevin Johnson
Air Date: March 20, 2008

So, Michael's back.

Most of last night's episode was a flashback of what everyone's favorite murderer/ artist/ dedicated dad has been up to since he and Walt split at the end of season 2.

After Sayid and Desmond were able to get some alone time with "Kevin," the freighter's janitor, Sayid demanded that he tell the tale of how he ended up on the ship. After "Kevin" asks one of his co-workers to go fetch a part, the janitor tells his sorry tale. And since the story takes nearly a whole episode to tell, the supply closet the co-worker runs off to must be very far away.

Michael tells Sayid how he came to the boat and became "Kevin Johnson." He was living in New York, but not with Walt, his son who he loved so much that he murdered two of his friends to save. Walt can't look him in the eyes... because Michael made the mistake of admitting that HE MURDERED TWO OF HIS FRIENDS TO SAVE HIM. Probably not the best strategy to build a father/ son relationship on.

Michael attempts to kill himself, but can't seem to pull it off. After obtaining a gun from a pawn shop, he runs into none other than dapper, gay, and ass kicking Other Tom, who tells him that he won't be able to kill himself... because the island "won't let him." After Michael finds it impossible to shoot himself in the head, he knocks on Tom's door at a swanky hotel where he is given the assignment of infiltrating the freighter and killing everyone on board... in order to save his former castaways on Mystery Island.

Obviously, Michael is a little hesitant to take the assignment from The Others, who did, you know, kidnap Walt and turn him into a murderer. But Tom tells Michael that the man who commissioned the freighter, Charles Whitmore, was the one who staged the fake Flight 815 wreckage... which is exactly what the freighter's captain claimed BEN DID in last week's episode.

So who's lying? Michael is convinced that Whitmore's the man behind the fake crash, because Tom shows him documents and photos that seem to implicate the mysterious businessman. And after Tom tells him that once Whitmore's crew gets to the island, they are supposed to kill everyone there, it's enough to convince Michael to sign up for the covert mission, in order to save the people he sold out to leave with his son in the first place.

Michael arrives at the freighter, checking in as "Kevin Johnson," and meets the crew we've gotten to know in the last few weeks. A mysterious box arrives for "Kevin," which turns out to contain a bomb that Ben wants him to use to blow up the freighter (which seems like a bit of a stretch, because if this Whitmore guy was capable of staging a fake plane crash, wouldn't he have some way of preventing spies with bombs boarding his ship? Just sayin'.)

Michael attempts to detonate the bomb, which turns out to be a dummy with a little note that says "not yet" on it. Nice touch Ben, you demented fuck.

"Kevin" receives a call to the ship from someone claiming to be Walt... who of course turns out to be none other than the puppet master himself, one Benjamin Linus. Ben tells Michael that the bomb was a test, and that he would never "kill innocent people," even when he is fighting a war. Obviously, the whole thing is some sort of fucked up psychological trick that Ben is playing on poor Michael, but it's clearly an effective one.

Anyway, back in the present, Michael finishes story time. Sayid's one question is "so you're working for Benjamin Linus?" and when Michael nods, he drags him to the captain and tells him everything. For some reason, the captain looks unimpressed... so maybe they knew all the time. And maybe, just maybe, selling out Ben's spy to Whitmore's people is a bad idea... we did learn earlier this season that Sayid himself is working for... Benjamin Linus.

Back on the island, Ben tells his daughter, Alex, to find safety because the people coming to the island will want her once they find out she's his daughter. Alex's boyfriend and mother, Rosseau (Warrior Princess,) join her as they follow Ben's map to "The Temple" (a hatch we still haven't seen that Ben says will keep her safe and which might finally help explain that creepy four toed statue that appeared at the end of season two and still hasn't been addressed again,) where they are ambushed. Alex's mom and bf are both killed, but she is spared when she throws up her hands and says that she's "Benjamin Linus's daughter."

Which, methinks, was probably all part of the puppet master's plan. Again.

So, we've got another five weeks to wait until more "Lost" goodness because the writer's strike delayed production on the hsow for nearly three months. Were those internet residuals really worth making us wait that long for "Lost?"

Lost Post Script: When Death Comes A Knockin'

2008-03-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

As a P.S. to my catch up post, and just reacting to the promo that promised death next week (which was pretty morbid, semi creepy, and, duh, supremely effective) it made me think of previous "Lost" castaways we have...well, lost.

And it made me wonder one thing...does anybody remember Shannon? And how Sayid fell for the annoying, Paris Hilton-like character? Sayid, the ultimate badass, fell for the whiny blonde girl?

And Boone... the first major character to get iced. Poor Boone, Shannon's ill fated brother in law, who was done in by Locke's weird and creepy ideas that the "island demanded a sacrifice."

And then there was, of course, Ana Lucia, Mr. Ekko, and poor, poor Libby. And Niki and Paulo, two characters who were brought in late in the game just for the purpose of being killed off in the brilliantly "Twilight Zone-ish" morality play episode.

But then there's Charlie. Poor Charlie, the only truly beloved character the producers have killed off.

So whose gonna bite the dust next week? I don't think anybody but the already established Oceanic Six (and, of course, Benjamin,) are really safe next week. Claire is clearly not going to make it (since Kate's got baby Aaron in the future.) But my money is on Jin, whose death would make a poetic companion episode to last night's tear jerker about his relationship with Sun.

We'll see next week. Way to tease our bloodlust, ABC advertisers. And way to prove the point of artsy European filmmakers who make movies about Americans having...well, the lust for blood in their pop culture choices.

I miss Charlie.

But I don't miss Shannon. At all.

Lost Watch: Playing Catch Up

2008-03-14T17:09:00.001-07:00

I'm behind on my "Lost" blogging. Sorry. I'm going to kill three birds with one stone and discuss the last three weeks of "Lost" in one monster post. Here goes:

Episode Title: The Constant
Air Date: 2/28/2008
In a fourth season that has consistently been kicking all kinds of ass, this was the motherfucker of all "Lost" episodes. It was a Desmond-centric episode all about Vonnegut-inspired time travel. That's right, due to what Daniel Faraday describes as "complications" caused by flying from the island, Desmond Hume becomes unstuck in time. Poor Des, who was the unlucky bastard that got stuck pressing those infernal buttons in the original hatch until Locke showed up, is now jumping back and forth between being on the freighter just off the island and to his time serving in the army, which he signed up for after leaving Penny for the first time. Never has a man, fictional or real, suffered more because of his fear of commitment.
Daniel tells Desmond to go find.. Daniel, or the younger version of Daniel, who is at Oxford trying to create a machine that will...well unstuck people in time. Desmond's consciousness keeps skipping back and forth, and Daniel warns him that it could kill him...unless he finds a "constant" to keep him grounded, which of course turns out to be the love he keeps leaving, Penny.
Desmond first slips back to the past while he, Sayid, and the new helicopter pilot are flying from the island...a flight that takes twenty minutes from their point of view and THREE DAYS from the point of view of the islanders. Talk about relativity.
On the freighter, they meet the "communications officer," who has also gone nuts and is slipping back and forth in time...just because he looked at the island through a telescope. And bonus, the communications officer is played by "Hackers" and "Short Circuit 2" (which far superior to the first "Short Circuit" film, duh,) star Fisher Stevens. Who promptly dies after his brain is fried by the time jumps, giving Demond a grim motivation to give Penny a call and find his constant.
The episode ends with Daniel reading an old notebook, which now has notes about Desmond within. In the book, Danile writes "Desmond Hume will be MY constant," which means that a.) Daniel is going to become unstuck in time as well or b.) Daniel hearts Desmond.
Overall, "The Constant" was the stunning mindblower to top the rest of season four's constant line of stunning mindblowers.

Episode Title: The Other Woman
Air Date: 3/6/2008
It was inevitable that the week after a mindfucking time travel episode featuring Desmond, the next episode would be a letdown, but the Juliet-centric "The Other Woman" turned out to be the worst episode of season four so far. Which is to say, it was still pretty damned good overall.
Basically, we learn that Juliet had an affair with one of the Others, Goodwin, who was memorably killed by Ana Lucia in season 2 after she realizes he was posing as one of the Oceanic crash survivors. Goodwin was married to the bitchy Harper, who seems like she's the Other-town shrink or something. Turns out Goodwin was sent off on the dangerous infiltration mission precisely because of his affair with Juliet...because Ben Linus apparently has a thing for skinny blonde fertility doctors. That's right, Ben is obsessed with Juliet and considers her "his." This leads to a weirdly inappropriate kiss between Jack and Juliet after she confesses her feeling for him, which seems wrong since he so totally likes Kate, I mean OMG. This whole subplot was a little too 90210 for me, but it is cool to find out that Ben has real, human emotions, even if they are of the creepily possessive variety.
Anyway, the bitchy new character, Harper, somehow shows up in the present to warn Juliet that Daniel and cutie new arrival Charlotte are on their way to "The Tempest" station, and she tells her that they plan on releasing the gas that Ben used to kill all the Dharma folk back in the day. When Juliet catches up to them, it turns out they are actually trying to neutralize the gas so Ben can't use it on them- or anyone else.
In Other-town, Ben finally lets Locke in on a little secret- the freighter off the island is run by one Charles Whitmore. That's right, Penny's dad is looking for the island- and Benjamin claims he wants to exploit it. This might not be true, but it's enough information to trade off Benjamin getting let out of the basement and moving into his own house...much to the chagrin of roomies Sawyer and Hurley (man, that's a sitcom setup right there.)
Overall, this was the least exciting episode of season four, but it set up things which will clearly become important a little bit down the line. Not the show's finest hour, but they can't all be mindblowing time travel adventures, can they?

Episode Title: Ji Yeon
Air Date: 3/13/2008
So we're finally caught up. The Sun and Jin-centric "Ji Yeon," was a trickily structured little episode that had a nice little twist packed in. In the flashbacks, we see Sun about to give birth to the baby she realized she was having back on the island...and we see Jin rushing to get to the hospital, buying a stuffed panda for a newborn on the way. So happy ending for those two, huh, they're both part of the Oceanic 6! Except...there were already 5 survivors revealed as part of the six. Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid, and baby Aaron makes five. So two more people home from the island does not add up at all. Turns out at the end that the producers were messing with us, and cross cutting between a Jin FLASHBACK and a Sun FLASHFORWARD. So Sun is the sixth and final survivor to make it home. Which turns out to be heartbreaking, because in the "present" on the island, Sun and Jin have a lovely little episode where he finally finds out that she cheated on him back in Korea...and he forgive her, admitting that he was a cold jerk when they were first married who deserved what he got, but now he's a better man who loves her very much. The final flash forward has Hurley showing up to see Sun's baby as the two of them go and visit Jin's grave. BUT WAIT! Jin's grave says he died when Oceanic crashed...which is obviously a lie and part of the whole coverup that the Oceanic 6 have agreed to be a part of. Does this mean Jin died in some sort of struggle that ended with the six leaving? Or does this possibly mean that Jin (and others) are still alive, back on mystery island? I am deeply of the belief that there are plenty of crash survivors still kicking it back on the island... why else would ghost Charlie tell Hurley to go back and tell them that "they need you?"
Meanwhile, on the freighter, Sayid and Desmond finally get to meet the captain. Even though somebody slips them a note that warns them not to trust him, the badass cap'n turns out to be more direct and forthcoming than anyone would have expected (especially for a character on this particular series, where every single new person is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a mindfuck with hidden agendas that usually make them too guarded to admit whether it's cold enough outside to bring a coat, let alone give any real information about themselves or anything ever.) The Captain tells Sayid that a recovery of Oceanic 815 was staged, leading him to ask where "one would get 324 dead bodies." He tells them that the faked recovery is one of the reasons his employer is interested in finding Benjamin Linus...and admits that his employer is Charles Whitmore, which comes as quite a shock to Desmond. But the final twist in the episode is when the bald asshole doctor takes Sayid and Desmond to their new living quarters, a roach infested room with blood splattered creepily on the wall. When the bad doctor says, dryly, "that shouldn't still be there," he calls the ship's janitor over. When he introduces Desmond and Sayid to the clean up guy, Kevin Johnson, everyone's favorite Iraqi torture artist has to keep his shit together... because it's none other than MOTHERFUCKING MICHAEL. That's right, gone since the season 2....let me repeat that, SEASON 2...finale, the man who betrayed his friends for the sake of his son is back in the motherfucking house.
So I guess we know who Ben's spy is, don't we?
Next week is the eighth episode of season four, and the last before a long hiatus caused by the writer's strike. But since it's gonna be a Michael episode, it promises to be a good one. And in their ghoulish and exploitive way, the promos for the eighth episode promise that "NEXT WEEK...SOMEONE....WILL...DIE!"
Hang onto your butts.

Lost Watch: In The Future, When All's Not Well

2008-02-28T14:38:00.001-08:00

Episode Title: Eggtown
Air Date: 2/21/2008

So another week, another last minute blog post about "Lost" before the new episode airs. You should have seen what it was like when I wrote essays in college. I started one fifteen page term paper the night before it was due. And got like a B+ or an A- on it. ANYWAY. On to last week's Kate-centric episode.

On the Island, We Learned
-Kate needs some info from the Asian Ghostbuster guy.
-Locke has become batshit crazy.
-Benjamin is still fucking with his head all over the place.
-Asian Ghostbuster guy wants to talk to Ben
-Kate springs Ghostbuster and takes him to Benjamin
-Ghostbuster asks for $3.2 million to lie and tell his employers Benjamin is dead
-Benjamin says yes and tells him he can get the money (hmmmm...so Benjamin is even more than just a guy whose lived on the island forever, as was made clear by the amazing Sayid episode.)
-Bat shit crazy Locke kicks Kate out of their weird little suburban island community because he's losing control of his minions

And in the future, we learn:
-Kate is on trial for the crime she committed before they landed on the island.
-Her mother decides she won't take the stand against her daughter...and asks to see her "grandson."
-Jack testifies on Kate's behalf, telling a cooked up tale of eight survivors of the Oceanic crash- leading one to speculate that two of the "survivors" died before Jack and co. became the Oceanic 6, and one of the dead is probably Claire
-Because Kate's "son" is none other than Claire's baby, little Aaron.

Woah.

And, oh yeah, the helicopter with Sayid and Desmond on it heading for the freighter?
Missing.

We're already halfway through the initial eight episodes of this shortened by the Writer's Strike "Lost" season. Thank god the producers have promised five more episodes after the initial eight, with a four week break between episodes. But seriously, thanks a lot writers. Was your residual fight really as important as a full season of "Lost?"

(Yes, it was.)

Lost Watch: This Shit Just Got Real

2008-02-21T17:28:00.000-08:00

Episode Title: The Economist
Air Date: 2/14/2008

A fairly accurate dramatic recreation of my reaction to last week's amazing, Sayid-centric episode:

So we learned that, in the future:
-Sayid is a member of the "Oceanic 6."
-And he's an assassin
-Who kills people trying to fuck with the other survivors
-And he works for Ben.
Holy shit.

Meanwhile, in "the present," after trading the annoying Asian ghostbuster guy for the hottie Australian chick from "Death Proof," Sayid is about to get off the island on a helicopter.
Yeah, off the island. Which I'm sure we won't see this week.
You brilliant fuckers.

"Lost" is real good these days.

Overanalyzing Indy

2008-02-19T17:59:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me (y'know, the real me, not the digital avatar version of me,) knows that I am kind of a fan of the Indiana Jones movies. In high school, I spent almost all of my free time during my junior and senior year working on a fairly ambitious Indiana Jones flick with my friend, spending the time my peers were using to get drunk, high, and laid making a nearly feature length homage to Spielberg's adventure trilogy. My friend crafted nazi armbands for the villainous extras, we researched the history of our mythic object Indy was hunting (Excalibur in our movie,) we drove out to remote locations for unimportant shots, we blew up a model of the nazi base, and we talked dozens of our friends into donating their time to dressing up as nazis and getting killed off quickly.
So yeah, I'm kind of a fan.
The trailer for the long awaited fourth installment of the franchise, "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" premiered last week, so I was obviously excited.
If you haven't seen it yet, check out the trailer right here, embedded for your viewing pleasure:

So how do I feel about the teaser after viewing it dozens of times in the last week?
Strangely unmoved, to be totally honest.
The trailer is just cut in a really odd way, and the pacing of the whole thing is off. This doesn't mean the movie looks bad- I just feel like the teaser didn't really convey much of anything about what we've got in store for us on May 22. That said, here are a few observations.
-The buildup in the beginning is fucking stupid. Indy movies are fun, light on their feet, cartoony adventures modeled after old school serials. The first half of the trailer implies the movies are some sort of "Lord of the Rings" epic style trilogy, which is exactly where the "Pirates" sequels went wrong... which makes me nervous.
-Ray Winstone looks sweet as Indy's sidekick. But Ray Winstone is pretty much always sweet.
-From this trailer, it looks like David Koepp (writer of "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,") watched the original trilogy and said "oh, he uses that whip a lot," and somehow that was the biggest thing he got out of Indy. I hope they don't overuse the whip- it is part of what makes Indy Indy... but let's not carried away, people.
-Cate Blanchett looks totally ridiculous as a Nazi, I mean commie commander... which is not necessarily a bad thing.
-I love the moment when Indy tries to swing into a car, crashes into another truck and says "damn, I thought that was closer." Then he looks at the two goons for a beat before we cut to the outside of the truck as the goons are tossed out. That's the kind of moment that the original trilogy is filled with, and that moment, more than anything, gives me hope for the movie. But it also leads me to the moment I hated most in the trailer.
-Indy whipping up into the ceiling and pulling himself out of the speeding truck before it crashes into other speeding cars, which causes an awful looking CG explosion. The whip up move is a little too Batman for me, and I mean Schumacher Batman. And CG explosions are just not very Indy to me. Let alone CG Indy himself. These movies are all about insane stunts, done by Harrison Ford or his stuntmen. Now that Indy can do anything because of computers doesn't mean the character should be able to do anything- watch out for the "Die Hard" effect, as they try and turn Indy into a superhero.
-Shia, the jury is still out on you in this one. He doesn't look like he's gonna be Shortround or Jar Jar Binks... but will he serve a purpose other than to get teeny boppers in their seats (and he will. Despite his nebbishy looks, I heard a seventeen year old girl this weekend describe Mr. LeBouf as "gorgeous." Ooooooookay.) Shia is the luckiest fucker in the world after landing the Indy gig, and Spielberg has faith in the kid. I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt, especially since he was the least sucky part of Michael Bay's "Transformers."
-There are stereotypical "native" types chasing Indy and co. in the trailer. I'm glad Spielberg and his team didn't get all PC just because they've won some Oscars and made movies about "tolerance" and things like that. I'm being serious here though- it's the style of those old serials, and anyone who gets offended by that type of thing needs to lighten up.
-I don't know what that collapsing temple thing is, but it looks potentially cool.
-Ford looks like he can still bring it, which is the most important thing to take from the trailer.

So, a mixed bag, but I will obviously be there for the midnight shows, ready to give you my reaction to the actual movie, fair readers. I still think the title sucks, and worry about the thing that could really bring the whole movie down- the rogue Lucas factor. George Lucas already ruined "Star Wars" for us with his awful prequel trilogy, let's just hope he doesn't ruin "Indiana Jones." Because even though the trailer looks like it was cut by a retarded, over caffeinated monkey, I still hope the movie kicks ass and can't wait to find out if it does.
Until then:

Watch the Trailer on Yahoo! Movies

Lost Watch: The New Hotness

2008-02-14T16:33:00.000-08:00

Episode Title: Confirmed Dead
Air Date: 2/7/2008

I hate to short change my Lost post, but it is Thursday as I write this, and the next episode is on tonight...and there is also an Indiana Jones trailer to discuss. Being a geek is fucking exhausting.

Episode 2 of this shortened season was completely kick ass. We got quick intros to our four new islanders, all of whom seem interesting, complex, and not the bad guys out to kill everyone Ben claimed they were. But they might be working for bad guys out to kill everyone.

And why was Ben so intent on keeping them off the island?

Because the fuckers came there for him.

Oh shit.

Ben's storyline is getting more and more intriguing with every episode of "Lost." His baiting of Sawyer was so great because you knew Sawyer realized he was being manipulated into beating him up even as he did it. Brilliant shit.

Meanwhile, John Locke is trying to act like a leader...and quickly learning Jack's job is not so easy. As Jack said towards the end of season one, (I'm paraphrasing because I'm far too lazy right now to actually look it up,) "I think we've got a John Locke problem."

Mr. Ghostbuster, with his weird dust buster paranormal communication machine thing, is about to blow the roof off the house with the whole Jacob thing too.

And tonight's episode is supposed to be a Sayid story. Fuck yes.

Lost Watch: Welcome Back, Hurley

2008-02-01T13:50:00.000-08:00

Episode Title: The Beginning of the End
Air Date: 1/31/2008

And, we're back.

After a long hiatus, "Lost" kicked off season four, to big ratings during a time when America is so desperate for new, non-reality based content that they even stuck around after the episode aired to watch the absurd looking "Eli Stone."

The new "Lost" wasn't a mindblower, at this not the way that previous season premieres have been. Obviously, we didn't get anything as spectacular as our first look at the inside of the Hatch in season two or the revelation of the creepy Other-town in season three. But what fans were treated to last night was a lot of setup for what promises to be a wild ride in season 4.

Surprisingly, last night was a Hurley episode, and right away, in the new flash forward structure, we realize that he was one of the people taken off the island, along with only five others (The Oceanic 6.) So far we know half of the people who made it off-island- Jack, Kate, and now Hurley. The flash forward began dramatically, with Hurley in a high speed car chase on the LA freeways (as common a sight to Los Angelenos as rain in Seattle.) But it turns out that Hurley was being chased by the cops- because he ran out of a convenience store after being spooked by something. He didn't rob the place at gun point, he just ran off. I mean, even if Hurley run out with some HoHos and Twinkies without paying for them, would there really be a high speed chase with multiple cop cars pursuing him?

So Hurley gets himself committed, where he is visited by a creepy bald black dude who asks him if "they're still alive." As Jack made clear in the season finale, the Oceanic 6 have made some sort of hush hush deal in which they've promised to keep quiet about whatever happened to them on the island. Hurley's second visitor is more disturbing...none other than poor dead Charlie. The Drive Shaft singer tells Hurley that, yes, he's dead...but that he is there, right in front of Hurley. Charlie tells his old friend that "they need him," presumably referring to the other crash survivors he left behind on the island. When a pre-bearded Jack visits Hurley, he tells him that "it" wants us to come back. It, probably, being the island itself, which has turned out to be one of the most demanding land masses in the history of narrative fiction.

Back on island, in "the present" part of the story, Hurley has to deal with Charlie's death- and begins to think that his friend's warning that the people coming are not Penny's people means that Locke might be right, and they could be hostile. On his way back to the rest of the survivors, he runs into Locke himself...but not before he sees Jacob's creepy shack. Yes, Hurley can see the shack- and a person inside it, in the scariest moment of the season premiere. When he turns away from the little shanty, it's in front of him again. So Hurley's in tune with whatever crazy wave length allows Locke and Benjamin to see Jacob.

When the survivors finally reunite, Hurley has seen Locke's point of view, and decides that staying on the island might be the best option- because that's what Charlie died trying to tell them. The islanders split into two teams, with Captain Jack and Captain Locke being the leaders. Hurley, Claire and baby, the tied up Ben, and, shockingly, Sawyer, join team "stay on the island," while Kate and Sayid stay with Jack. The funniest moment of the episode was when Bernard, who promised to stay on the island with his ailing wife, asks Rose if she wants to go with Locke and she responds "I'm not going anywhere with that man." Probably a good call. He did put a knife in the back of the new arrival before they got a beat on whether she's a good guy or not.

One more note on the flash forward stuff- Hurley tells Jack "I should never have joined up with Locke," so he clearly regrets his decision...though we don't know what exactly went wrong with it. A weirdly upbeat Jack tells Hurley "it's water under the bridge, man," as if joining Team Locke was just a social faux pas, so who knows?

The episode ends with Naomi's friends parachuting onto the island, starting with Jeremy Davies, 90's indie film actor who starred in "Spanking the Monkey" and "Saving Private Ryan," and has always specialized on awkward bordering on creepy characters. When he takes off his helmet, he tells Jack "we're here to rescue you." Time will tell if he's lying.

So, on to theories.

Hurley can see Jacob and his house because of his "insanity" that landed him in the loony bin in the first place (which is where he was in flash backs and the new flash forward.) He either really is insane, or really can see dead people (which is why Charlie comes to him in the flash forward,) an ability he shares with Ben and Locke.

Hurley's igloo drawing at the loony bin has something to do with the arctic hatch from the end of season 2.

The creepy bald black guy is working for an organization looking for the island, and it's going to become very clear how important the island itself is to a lot of different people very soon.

Davies' character works for such an organization. They're not really there to rescue Jack or anyone. (This one is easy to guess, seeing as there are already promos for this season that give that away.)

Letting Ben go with Locke is a really bad idea. Like, really bad.

Jack will look weird with a beard, like Hurley said, but only because it will look fake as all hell. (I guess this isn't a theory, more of a statement on the beard from last season's finale- which, in my mind, is really the only thing I can criticize about that amazing episode.)

This season is going to kick a lot of ass once it gets going, and blow a lot of minds.

Let's Get "Lost" Tonight (You Can Be My Black Kate Austen Tonight)

2008-01-31T15:03:00.000-08:00

First off I apologize for the awful Kanye reference in the title. Oh wait, I don't. Because it's awesome.

Anyway, "Lost" returns tonight (and along with it, my long and rambling post-episode blog posts,) and I'm fairly excited. As in, "it's all I think about now that the college football season is over" excited.

So here are my totally 100% guaranteed to be accurate predictions for the fourth season.

The Smoke Monster Will Finally Reveal Itself
In a stunning cross promotional move between JJ Abrams franchises, it's gonna be the monster from Cloverfield, hereby referred to as Cloverfield. Which makes him less scary. As in, "look out, it's Cloverfield!" It just doesn't have the same ring to it as Godzilla, King Kong, or even Mothra, who, as his namesake implies, is...a giant moth. Anyway, Cloverfield will turn out to have drinking problems, get arrested with a DUI after shooting one day, not get along with the cast, and go the way of Mr. Ecco and Ana-Lucia. In a spiral of self destruction, Cloverfield will become addicted to pain killers, write a tell all book that reveals Mathew Fox to be a racist, and pose nude in Maxim.

In Another Cross Promotional Coup, The Cast of "Juno" Will Crash Land On the Island.
And about the first time one of them says "honest to blog," sings a Moldy Peaches song, or stops narrative progress to talk about hipster bands and obscure Italian horror movies that a former stripper screenwriter thinks would be cool for a sixteen year old girl to like...Sayid will kill them all.

Hurley Will Still Not Shed Any Weight.
This is a real prediction you can take to the bank. I've always loved how the writers have tried to address it, especially when they revealed that Hurley has a secret stash of Ranch dressing he hid from his fellow survivors. I'd probably do the same thing. Ranch is fucking good.

Despite Predictions Of An Upset Or At Least A Close Game, The Patriots Will Massacre The Giants
As long as I'm doing predictions, why not?

The People Jack Talks To On The Radio Are...
The Harlem Globetrotters! Didn't you ever see that episode of "Gilligan's Island?" They promised them that they'd send help back. They promised them!

In The New Flash Forward Structure, We'll Learn More About The Near Future
Though clearly, in the future, fake beards don't look anymore convincing.

Charlie Is Not Dead
But he will have amnesia.

Locke Will Get Engaged To The Island
But after a stormy six month engagement, Locke will break it off, saying that the two have grown apart.

If the Writer's Strike Doesn't End Soon, All The Lost Fans Out There Are Going To Be Pretty Pissed Off In Eight Weeks
Especially when the eighth and final episode that has been produced before the strike began turns out to be about Nicki and Paulo.

Check out which of my predictions come true tonight on "Lost." I'm pretty sure the "Juno" thing is going to happen. I know I'd love it if that movie and everything about it crash landed on a remote island (except for Michael Cera. He must be protected, as he is a national treasure.)

Jack To The Future

The Ballad Of Johnny Saltlake, Or Sundance In a Day and a Half

2008-01-29T13:25:00.000-08:00

I promised that I'd follow up my small post about Salt Lake City with a full report from my Sundance trip almost two weeks ago. Seeing as I am a pretty lazy blogger, any of my (millions of loyal) readers would not be blamed for thinking I was never going to fulfill my promise. But here I am, ready to give you the lowdown on the trip and my experiences at Sundance 08.

I jumped into the loaded car with three friends, one of whom had his film, Freezer Burn (which is a really cool and funny comedy that blends elements of science fiction, romance, and character drama into a very original and impressive first feature,) in the Park City Film Music Festival. We drove into Vegas first, and stayed at the Stratosphere. As a major Vegas fanatic, I can now, with full confidence, recommend that you never stay at the Stratosphere. You might as well be in Primm, Nevada (the gas station/ resort 50 miles away from Vegas for people who can't wait less than an hour to feed the demons of their gambling addiction.) The Stratosphere is a bland and ugly place, and the drinks aren't cheap enough to justify how bland and ugly it is. Give me a scummier cheap casino, one of the few remaining classic casinos, or even one of the ridiculous Disney-fied themed Casinos over the Stratosphere. The Stratosphere fails to be any of those things, while featuring some of the worst aspects of all three. Hell, I'll take Circus Circus over it. Because, even though you feel like you might get stabbed by a meth addict at any given moment in Circus Circus, the place has character.

We mostly were in sin city just to sleep, so we only hit the casino floor for about an hour and a half...which was enough time to get five strong whiskey drinks in me and lose 40 bucks playing roulette. Satisfied and drunk, I retired to my room for a brief night of sleep before we hit the road to Utah.

Utah- gorgeous place that I hope to avoid visiting other than for future Sundance trips. But the state didn't get truly disturbing until we entered the Salt Lake City limits. The billboards were the first things that creeped me out. Weird bible quotes, ads for motels that claimed "Brigham says the La Quinta Inn is the coziest in Utah!." an ad for "the first R-rated Mormon film," one of those "adopt a highway" signs that said the highway was adopted by "mothers against gun control," and weirdest of all, a few giant ads that had pictures of recently departed people with their date of birth and death listed on them. I'm sorry for your loss, but did you need to advertise that your family member died?

Then there were the street names. Turn right from West100North Street onto North100East Street. Are the mormons just too uncreative to think of street names or are they just fucking with us secular sinners?

And of course, there are those pesky alcohol laws. Only one ounce of booze per drink, unless you order a "sidecar," which is a second ounce of alcohol served in a shot glass that the bartender is not allowed to pour into your drink for you. And most of the bars are actually called "social clubs," which means you have to pay to get a "membership" to drink there. Even the beer has lower alcohol content in Utah. I guess the Mormons figured that if they're going to Heaven for their beliefs, they should put themselves through Hell on Earth before they die.

The locals seemed to be borderline openly hostile to the invasion of Hollywood types. I used to read about how agents, actors, and directors would invade the town and drive the locals crazy sipping their lattes and yammering on their cell phones (a 90s version of Hollywood stereotypes, I know since this is what everyone in America is like at this point,) and I sympathized. But after a few encounters with SLC citizens, I lost all sympathy. The girls at the CVS Pharmacy near our hotel were openly making comments about us and said as we walked out "but what do we know, we're just a bunch of hicks." I didn't say it, you did. Listen, not to be a jerk, but you work at a CVS in Salt Lake City. You can't make me feel bad about anything in my life.

So, anyway, Sundance. Park City was a short half hour drive up a mountain from Salt Lake, and once you got into town, it was gorgeous. Snow blanketed the entire charming ski town, and being a California native, snow is something that you generally have to drive into mountains to see. It was a frigid 11 degrees outside when we got into Park City, but we bundled up and braved the crowds. We only ended up seeing one movie for a short, day and a half trip to the festival, but it was a doozy- George Romero's newest zombie pic, "Diary of the Dead." The movie was probably Romero's most bluntly political (in a series of bluntly political horror films) but it also had more gore and action than the previous entry into the series, "Land of the Dead." The whole film was shot handheld, with a digital camera, supposedly by one of the main characters, ala "Cloverfield." The device works about as well as it does in the JJ Abrams monster movie, but the characters address the fact that their friend won't stop filming during a crisis way more than Hud's friends do in the year's first blockbuster. Anyway, there was lots of zombie gore, a crazy sequence with a mute Amish badass, and plenty of left leaning political commentary. My kind of movie.

And the good old hippie/ icon of gory and violent horror cinema, Romero, was there, telling the crowd that "I'm a little drunk," and earnestly explaining that "Diary" is "one from the heart." The guy sat two rows behind my friends and I, which was great.

As for the famous Park City celebrity sightings, we had very few of note other than the awesome Romero Q and A. We saw the guy who plays Lloyd on "Entourage," but I've seen him at almost every single slightly big hollywood event I've ever been to as press, so that's hardly one to get stoked about. Our fellow travelers did go to a big MySpace party that Maroon 5 played at and met USC Great Reggie Bush (who my dog is named after, which would have been a weird thing to tell him if I had been at the party) and Perez Hilton. I wonder if those two had anything to say to eachother. Unfortunately, one of my friends got kicked out of the party because some of the former USC players were trying to get their friends in using his bracelet. Not being an SC alumni, I have a feeling he probably thinks a little less of the Trojans than I do. Just slightly. We met up with him after the movie while he huddled in the mall for warmth as we imagined a zombie apocalypse destroying the agents and assistants working the many parties along the frozen streets of Sundance.

Mostly our festival experience taught us that we should probably plan a little more in advance before we go, get ourselves some real Sundance badges and decide what we want to see ahead of time. And oh yeah, probably spend more than just a day in Sundance and try and be there after the first couple days, when nobody is really there yet and none of the big films are screening. All the reports from Sundance 08 I've read in the media have made me feel like I didn't miss much... there didn't seem to be many gems in the festival this year that critics and audiences are excited about. And if the current version of a Sundance "gem" is something as overrated as the cute but not that cute as last year's big hit (and current best picture nominee, WTF,) "Juno," than I weep for the state of American independent cinema.

Our drive back from Utah turned out to be the best part of the trip. As a creative challenge, we decided to start writing a screenplay with the goal of completing a feature by the time we got home. We only got fifteen pages deep, but we decided to keep going with it and finished the script last night. The script is called Johnny Saltlake, and it's about a badass from the town he's named for who seeks revenge on the bad guy who wronged him, befriends a coyote in the desert, runs for Utah state office in order to change the aforementioned liquor laws, fights a giant, Cloverfield-like monster, kills a group of ninja assassins with a chainsaw, discovers a global Mormon conspiracy, fights a flying Shark, hangs out with Martians, becomes the savior of mankind, and smokes. A lot. And that's only part one.

We finished the script yesterday, and it's a full blown, ninety minute feature. And it's totally, completely insane. So if one great thing came out of Sundance 08, it's "Johnny Saltlake." Maybe there's hope for the American indie film scene after all.

The Decline of Coachella

2008-01-23T23:49:00.000-08:00

The Coachella lineup was announced this week, seemingly much earlier in the year than usual. Perhaps the festival's promoters announced the acts so early this year in order to make up for the extremely underwhelming and somewhat bizarre group of acts they've assembled.

Roger Waters doing “Dark Side of the Moon” is their top headliner? Oh my god everyone, let’s spend $100 to see the guy from Pink Floyd drag out that old warhorse of an album at Coachella even though we didn’t spend $30 to see the same thing when he played it at every local amphitheater across the country a year ago! I feel like Waters has been touring “Dark Side” for the better part of a decade now, so how is his playing it at Coachella supposed to be the big headline that makes you jump up and say “oh fuck, I have to go to Coachella this year or I’ll regret it for the rest of my life!” This is the festival in which The Pixies played their first reunion show in the same year that Radiohead and Kraftwerk played just a few years ago. Maybe if they had put together a full Pink Floyd reunion, then that would have been something to get excited about…or not. I’m no longer a stoned high school student, so it’s hard for me to get really excited about Pink Floyd at this point in my life.

Led Zeppelin reunited last month and is probably going to tour the U.S. soon. If they wanted the stoned teenager in all of us to come out for Coachella, couldn’t they have tried harder to get the Led out?

And then there’s the first day’s headliner…Jack fucking Johnson. Really? Really? This is the best you could do? I guess Coachella has really abandoned adventurous music fans and turned towards taking cash from bros who just want to listen to some chill tunes and drink some cold brews in the sun while they play hackey sack, toss Frisbees, take their shirts off, continue to repress their latent homosexuality, and just generally drain their father’s trust funds. Coachella used to be a place to where music lovers would make a pilgrimage to the desert to see edgy and interesting musicians, and now one of their headliners is a guy whose brand of boring acoustic rock is blandly inoffensive enough to be used as the soundtrack for the “Curious George” movie.

There are a few surreal choices clearly meant to fulfill the 90s nostalgia industry that will probably hit its peak in a couple years with nostalgia for 90s era 70s and 80s nostalgia. The Verve is playing…huh? I liked that “Bittersweet Symphony” song as much as everyone else did in the nineties, but did they even ever record another song after that? Without orchestral Rolling Stones samples, that band had nothing. Then there’s Portishead and Fatboy Slim, filling in the slot that Massive Attack occupied two Coachellas ago, and proving that not every ninties electro act was created equal.

And, oh boy, Tegan and Sara are there again. Yay. Do those girls just live at Coachella? Their shrill and annoying acoustic rock will make you wish that Sheryl Crow was playing. Or that you were dead.

And then there’s Dwight Yoakam. Country superstar Dwight Yoakam, who has sold millions of albums, getting lower billing than Death Cab For Cutie at a festival that is utterly lacking in country music and country music fans. Anybody wearing a cowboy hat at Coachella is just trying to be ironic. How did Dwight even end up on this bill? Was there some sort of bizarre trade between the indie rock and Country music worlds? Somewhere out there, is Built to Spill nervously playing a set between Garth Brooks and Tim McGraw, trying to avoid beer cans tossed at their heads when they criticize President Bush between songs?

As a sidebar though, Mr. Yoakam was quite amazing in the Jason Statham action junk movie “Crank,” playing the doctor who provides Statham with the movie’s exposition and explaining that he needs to inject himself with adrenaline…or his heart will stop.

It just feels like the festival planners don't know who their audience is anymore now that Coachella has grown so massive. Or maybe they have figured it out, and I'm just not part of that audience anymore, which is kind of sad. And what do I know? Maybe all the hipsters will show up to see Dwight’s set... but you know, ironically. And only because there’s nothing else good to see at the festival this year.

SLC WTF

2008-01-19T12:52:00.001-08:00

My last post was a bit on the negative and angry side, so I hoped my next entry would be positive and happy in order to show the world that I'm not just another embittered blogger ranting and raving anonymously over the internet. Unfortunately, I stayed in Salt Lake City this week while attending my first Sundance film festival. And discussing Salt Lake City makes positivity...difficult.

So instead of bitching about Salt Lake in this entry (that will come later,) I'm just going to post a picture of a sculpture of a cow wearing a jet pack that was across the street from the Marriot we stayed at. It's literally the only cool thing I saw in Salt Lake City. And the only thing that didn't piss me off, annoy me, bore me, or just plain creep me out in the entire fucked up city.

I'll post more about my epic three day trip later. Reggie Bush and George Romero are involved, so stay tuned.

2007: These Are Some of My Favorite Things

2008-01-09T23:32:00.000-08:00

I'm working on my top ton movies of 2007 list (I'm still woefully behind on big titles, but I'm getting there,) so I decided to make a pop cultural grab bag of other stuff I really dug in 07 (and a few things I really hated.)

FUNNIEST SHOW ON TV: 30 Rock
Tina Fey's sharp and absurd sitcom is the show that has carried on the tradition of the great, dearly departed "Arrested Development." And the show's second season is where it really took off, delivering some of the biggest laughs network TV has ever given the viewing public. Alec Baldwin talked about leaving the show during the summer hiatus because of his personal problems, but it's great for America that he didn't. His "coming out" speech when he tells his Republican peers that he's dating a Female Democratic Senator is classic, matched by his scene where he accompanies Tracy Morgan to therapy, playing the part of his entire family- and basing his impressions on seventies sitcom characters. The cast has morphed into one of the most unrelentingly funny ensembles on television. Morgan's delivery can make even the most banal lines hilarious, while Jack McBrayer, as weirdo NBC paige Kenneth, has created a truly "funny because he's weird" character, and Jane Krakowski is delightfully ditzy as the self centered actress Jenna. The show has featured a great list of guest stars, including Jerry Seinfeld, "Arrested's" Will Arnett, "The Sopranos'" Edie Falco, and even Princess Leah herself, Carrie Fisher, while never using them in a gimicky way. But it's Fey who really anchors the show, and her performance as the overworked, romantically challenged producer Liz Lemon is equal parts charming, sweet, and funny. She's really grown into her role this year, while continuing to run the entire show. The forced hiatus of this show right in the middle of their scorching hot second season might just be the biggest tragedy of the Writer's Strike. Come on, producers and WGA, settle this thing- we need our "30 Rock" back.

BEST DRAMA ON TV: Friday Night Lights
Who wouldathunk that a show about football would also be the most honest show on television about race, class, and life in small town America. Kyle Chandler should run for president after playing the most decent man on TV, Coach Taylor, and his young ensemble of players all have their moments to shine. I'm behind on the second season of "Nights," but the first season was one for the record books. If you're not watching this show yet, start now. Tune in, and make sure you've got some tissue- you'll probably cry. A lot.

MOST OVERRATED SHOW ON TV: Heroes
So this was supposed to be my list of things I liked. So what? It's my list, and I'll be negative if I want to. Fans of Tim Kring's X-Men ripoff are disappointed with season 2 of the show. Which seems dumb, since season one is nothing to write home about. I've watched the first season on DVD, and while there are a few intriguing episodes, it was mostly boring. I don't like most of the characters, and everyone's favorite Hero, the Japanese time traveler named...Hiro (how clever,) comes off as more or less a giant, obnoxious stereotype. And the show had one of the absolute worst season finales I've ever seen. The show led you to believe everything was coming together for a big, fatalistic ending...and then just a whimper. Speaking of finales, this lead us to...

MOST HOLYSHITFUCK TWO HOURS OF TV IN 2007: Lost Season Finale
I don't know how much else I can really say about this amazing episode. It was a shocking, gripping, edge of your seat thrill ride, with a "game changing" twist in the very last scene that left each and every "Lostie" breathless. This amazing episode, along with the producers' announcement that they had an end date for the show in sight, and therefore could tell the story the way they wanted to and on their own terms, restored the faith of every one of the show's fans, and reminded us why we the story of the survivors of Flight 815 grabbed us in the first place. And it made us forgive them for the Nicki and Paulo episode (which I'm kind of a secret fan of anyway.)

MOST DISAPPOINTING TV SHOW: 24
I am a "24" nut. I defended the decisions of the show's producers in the latest season, sure that they had some plan to make it all come together in a way that would satisfy. The first four episodes were some of the finest work done on the show ever. Yet this last season, as a whole, was an utter disappointment that veered too often into ridiculous territory. The most intriguing part of the season- Jack's father showing up- was poorly handled, and, combined with some of the most unmemorable villains in the show's history, this was by far the weakest season in the show's history. "24" was guaranteed pulse pounding thrills and suspense, but delivered nothing but frustration in "day six." Maybe the writer's strike all but scrapping day seven will give the writers and producers time to fix the problems and get "24" back on track.

BEST ALBUM OF 2007: Radiohead's In Rainbows
Amid all the hype behind Radiohead's grand experiment in releasing their latest album for download and allowing fans to "pay what they want," the actual quality of the album was sort of ignored. Reactions by fans have been mixed, but I think the new album is remarkably coherent, confident, and just simply gorgeous. The band mixes electronic music with rock and roll in a way that is much more organic than their messy previous effort, "Hail to the Thief." And it's a more mature, grown up album too- Thom Yorke's lyrics seem a bit less alienated, and a bit more hopeful. "Reckoner" may be the most gorgeous track they've ever recorded.

BEST VIDEO GAME OF 2007: Super Mario Galaxy
Nintendo finally shows us what they were trying to do when they thought of the Wii with this endlessly innovative and inventive game, the latest entry into the most successful video game franchise ever. The gameplay in "Galaxy" is constantly evolving and changing up on the player, and it's just a pure joy to experience. It's also one of those games that reminds you that video games are supposed to be fun...and you will have nothing but fun in this amazing game. How many other twenty year old franchises, in video games, movies, or television, are still this fresh and inventive after all this time?

BEST X-BOX 360 GAME OF 2007: Bioshock
The ambitious first person shooter combines Ayn Rand with classic shooter gameplay, and sets the whole thing in an amazing underwater city. It's one of the most atmospheric games I've ever played, and the fact that the creators tried to tie in literary themes is really cool and ambitious. Too bad the game falls apart a bit in the end, but overall, "Bioshock" is a unique experience, and it's totally worth taking the dive.

BEST PS2 GAME OF 2007: GOD OF WAR 2
The PS2 could not have had a better swan song than this sequel to the amazing "God of War." Everything is bigger and more kick ass in the sequel. Sure, the story is kind of a rehash of part one...but you won't care as you pull the eyes out of an attacking cyclops and fly through the world map using Icars's wings. It's just completely kick ass.

BEST NOVEL I READ IN 2007: The Yiddish Policeman's Union, By Michael Chabon
Chabon's followup to his Pulitzer Prize Winning novel, "The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay," may not be as fun and entertaining as his historical epic about comic books, love, and the 20th century. But "Union" is equally ambitious, telling the alternate reality murder mystery set in an Alaska that became the Jewish homeland instead of Israel. The imaginative novel combines classic hard boiled lit conventions with big ideas about Jewishness and their struggle for a homeland, managing to say a lot about the Middle East from the snowy peaks of Alaska.

BEST CONCERTS I'M NOT ASHAMED ROCKED MY ASS OFF IN 2007: Tie: Elton John in Las Vegas/ Billy Joel in Las Vegas
I'm usually an indie rock snob, but these two shows, in which the crowds consisted of middle aged yupppies who wouldn't understand why The National doesn't haven an s at the end of their name and would shake their heads in sadness thinking I was referring to a terrible tragedy at the mention of The Arcade Fire totally rocked my socks off. The Piano men reminded me what real showmanship is and kind of put all those indie rockers, with their shy and soft spoken stage demeanors, to shame. I guess that's why these guys charge over 100 bucks a ticket for decent seats. And also because all their yuppie fans have good jobs.

CHEESY PIRATE THEMED DINNER THEATER EXPERIENCE THAT COST ONLY TWENTY THREE BUCKS OF 2007: The Pirate Dinner Adventure in Buena Park
I probably enjoyed this more because I didn't pay the full 46 bucks to attend this silly evening of swashbuckling and...singing. The food was bland, the wine was crap, the beer was cheap and watered down, and the show had a silly Christmas theme to it. But I got to put on a pirate vest and help pull up a sail, and I only paid half price. If you're looking for a night out that involves a pirate show along with your meal, then this is your only option. But if you're more into jousting Knights, Medieval Times is right next door.

BEST TRIP TO VEGAS OF 2007:Billy Joel/ Jerry Seinfeld Trip, November
I went to Vegas a lot in 2007. Like once every two months. So I had a lot of fun trips to pick from. But the weekend we went to Sin City to see Billy Joel, and ended up getting tickets for Jerry Seinfeld as well, was probably the best. There was plenty of drinking, the Piano Man, observational humor, a stay in the gloriously cheesy New York New York. Plus the Rio buffet!

MOST INCREDIBLE MEAL OF 2007 (AND PROBABLY MY LIFE:) Emeril's "Kitchen Table" Meal, Las Vegas MGM
My friend Kyle invited me and another friend to meet his hooked in Disney friend...at Emeril's Vegas location, where were treated like VIPs at their famous "kitchen table" area. We were treated to an amazing six course meal with amazing foods I've never tried, an incredible glass of wine per course, and then a pile of amazing deserts at the end, which included the amazing and famous Bannana Cream Pie. I don't want to think about what the bill came out to in the end. I just want to think about the food.

MOST SOUL SHATTERING DEATH OF 2007: Kurt Vonnegut
That one hurt. "Slaughterhouse 5" rearranged my brain when I read in high school. Some people say you grow out of Vonnegut as you get older. These people are just trying to be cool. The guy saw this country for what it was, and it made him sad and angry, but he still had hope and compassion for all the people who let him down for so long. America lost their funniest, most whip smart, satirical, clear eyed, honest, and humane writer last year. So it goes.

BEST PART OF 2007 ENDING: Bush Has One More Year
'Nuff said. Happy 08, fans.

The Ikea in Burbank (Or Hell 2.0)

2007-12-14T16:46:00.000-08:00

Patton Oswalt is a genius. The latest proof of this fact is a list he's written of the "5 Angriest Parking Lots in Los Angeles"

5. Bally's Gym & Fitness on El Centro
4. The Ross/7-11/various other stores at La Brea and Sunset
3. The entire Century City facility
2. The Starbucks at the corner of Overland and Washington
1. The Ikea in Burbank

This is a solid list, as any Angelino would note. But his pick for number one is pure genius.

The fucking Ikea in Burbank.

That place fills my heart and brain with a burning hate and rage that no quantity of puppies or ice cream could ever hope to cure.

My friend who lives in Burbank put it best when he said, in Instant Message poetry:
Kyle: parking AT ikea, or the parking FOR ikea?
the parking lot across from Ikea?
or the parking lot where you load your stuff from?
hmm, i guess I just answered the question
he probably means both
just from the sheer act of there even being both

Exactly.

That place is like the tenth circle of hell, a circle so shitty and depressing that Dante didn't include it in "The Inferno" because he didn't want to bum out his readers. And that's a book where people are buried in excrement just because they were "flatterers."

The steps for parking at the Burbank Ikea are as follows:
1: Find parking in a stupid, usually filled lot across from the Ikea.
2: Go through the annoying process of fighting your way through Ikea and buying your shit (an activity infuriating enough that it warrants its own post)
3: Have a friend or loved one who accompanied you on your odyssey wait with your shit right outside the Ikea.
3.5: Failing that, if you have no friends who like you enough to go to Ikea with you (don't feel bad if they say no; they'd better like you a whole fucking lot, considering that you're asking them to go to the fucking Ikea in Burbank) leave your giant boxes of crappy furniture with cutesy Swedish names outside the store unaccompanied and pray it isn't stolen as you...
4: Run back to your parked car, fight your way out of the overfilled, tiny parking lot.
5: Turn right out of the parking lot (because there is no left turn,) then drive to the end of the street, and either turn left or make an illegal U-Turn because you're not allowed to turn into the fucking Ikea lot when you exit the parking lot.
6: Park in the temporary lot in front of the Ikea and load your heavy yet cheap furniture. (It's cheap for a reason and will probably last you no more than a year. This is why the man who own Ikea is the richest person in the world...he's made his money off the backs of all those poor college students who don't have the cash to buy something a little more expensive that will last them for much more time in the long run.)
7: Go home.
8: Drink.

And oh yeah, it's somehow always raining when you travel to the Ikea in Burbank. It never rains in LA...unless you have to go to the fucking Ikea in Burbank.

Fuck you, Ikea in Burbank. Fuck you.

2007: It Was a Very Good Year

2007-12-12T13:36:00.000-08:00

So I've finally got around to publishing my Best Movies of 2007 list... I figured maybe I should get to it before most of the "Best of 2008" movies hit theaters (though I'm sure "One Missed Call," "Prom Night," and "Tyler Perry's Whatever This Week's Tyler Perry Movie Is Called," will all end up on end of the year lists.)

There Will Be Blood
P.T. Anderson's stunning vision of the rise of California Oil tycoon Daniel Plainview is the most engrossing movie of the year. At times a terrifying horror movie and at times a hilariously over the top black comedy, Anderson's film is both classically structured and completely modern, and it's quirks and strange details make it of a piece with the filmmaker's other work, even though his previous period piece only went as far back as the 1970's San Fernando Valley Porn industry. Anderson really comes into his own in this stunningly singular vision, while remaining true to the promise of his earlier work. And Daniel Day Lewis's performance as Plainview is amazing, scary, and obsessive, a train wreck you can't peel your eyes away from. Johnny Greenwood's score, all screeching violins and loud bursts of noise, gets under your skin like very few pieces of film music have done before it. Brilliant.

Zodiac
David Fincher's obsessively detailed recreation of the Zodiac murders is a major step forward in the filmmaker's career, revealing a new maturity from the talented provocateur of "Seven" and "Fight Club." The director recreates the case and era as obsessively as the film's hero, proving along the way that mountains of facts and informaiton don't necesarrily reveal the truth. And for such an expository movie, it's awfully entertaining and thrilling. It's filmmaking of the absolute highest caliber.

I'm Not There
Todd Haynes's exhilerating Bob Dylan biopic features six different actors playing Dylan (or versions of Dylan) in an exploration of the musician's ever shifting personas. By the end of Haynes's long, strange journey, we are not really any closer to knowing the "real" Bob Dylan...and Haynes (and Dylan himself) wouldn't have it any other way.

No Country For Old Men
In a very good year for big name auteurs like Fincher, Cronenberg, and the two Andersons, The Brothers Coen deliver perhaps their finest film (no small feat from the guys who made "Fargo," "The Big Lebowski," "Blood Simple," "Millers Crossing," "Raising Arizona," and lots of other awesome,) with this masterpiece of mood, atmosphere, and tension. And Javier Bardem is scary as hell.

Ratatouille
Brad Bird is a genius, and he sets yet another high water mark for American animation with this Pixar tale of a rat who dreams of becoming a gourmet chef. This is not just kid's stuff..."Ratatouille" is a sophisticated comedy about the struggle of an artist to create and a cry out against mediocrity. The scene in which the snooty food critic Atom Ego has his first bite of the dish created by the unlikely chef is a beauty. The silent moment is at once funny, moving, and triumphant, and a graceful reminder of how great art- any art, be it food, film, music, or even a cartoon about a rat- can emotionally affect us. It's possibly the single most trancendent moment in American film of the year. Plus that little rat is really freaking cute.

Eastern Promises
David Cronenberg's newest films have been more "mainstream" than his previous work, yet none of them have sacrificed one iota of the filmmaker's themes or personal obsessions. Viggo Mortensen is stunning as a mysterious driver for Russian mobsters in London, whose loyalties and motivations remain murky until the final fade out. And his naked knife fight is one of the most jaw droppingly well directed sequences in any movie from 2007.

The Darjeeling Limited
I'm a Wes Anderson nut, and I was initially disappointed with his latest film. But the movie has grown sturdier in my memory, revealing itself as Anderson's most mature work to date. The story of three over privileged brothers on a train ride through India who try and plan a "spiritual journey" and find something else entirely, Anderson cut down on the quirk without diluting his very strong and unique voice. I didn't get lost in the world of the film like I did with every one of his previous films, didn't laugh as often or feel as deeply moved, but it's still a damn good film...and it's got me thrilled to see what the most original and distinct voice in American cinema has in store for us next.

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
One of the most entertaining movies of the year, period. A documentary about the battle to post high scores in classic arcade video games may not sound exciting, but the filmmakers take their set up and turn it into the stuff of high drama- and comedy. When mild mannered teacher Steve Wiebe sets a new record on arcade classic Donkey Kong, he unleashes the wrath of mulletted hot sauce maker Billy Mitchell, the self proclaimed "gamer of the century." What follows is a battle of wills that builds into a shockingly compelling sports movie, featuring two challengers with zero athletic ability. Mitchell turns out to be one of the most entertainingly hissable screen villains in movie history, while the good natured Wiebe becomes the arcade set's Rocky Balboa right before our very eyes. Filled with beyond colorful characters, "The King of Kong" turns a subject that could have turned off general audiences into a nail biting, laugh out loud blast of entertainment.

Knocked Up/ Superbad
Judd Apatow has had a legendary year (despite the mediocre box office of the just okay "Walk Hard," which he wrote and produced) and his one/ two summer punch of "Knocked Up" and "Superbad" are great for different reasons. "Superbad" is one of the filthiest and funniest teen movies to hit theaters in years, and it had audiences rolling in the aisles like no other comedy in a long time. But "Knocked Up," Apatow's personally felt story of a stoner who decides to grow up so he can become worthy of the beautiful woman he impregnantes after a one night stand is the one that has earned (exaggerated though not completely unjustified) comparisons to "The Graduate." A flawed, sometimes uneven comedy, "Knocked Up" became an instant classic because it's full of big laughs, heart, and if you look for it, universal truths. Apatow is surfing the zeitgeist and changing film comedy for the better, and "Knocked Up" is perhaps the most significant mainstream Hollywood release of the year. He's changing the way the industry makes comedies, and that's a good thing.

Charlie Wilson's War
In a year when a handful of political films failed to excite audiences or critics, "Charlie Wilson's War" told what could have been a boring and preachy story of the senator who got the Russians out of Afghanistan and helped end the Cold War and in the process armed and trained the very people who would turn on us on 9/11...into a light on it's feet and funny as hell comedy. Tom Hanks gets to subvert his Mr. Nice Guy family man persona yet still charms as the hard drinking, womanizing titular senator. But it's Philip Seymour Hoffman, a national treasure at this point, who steals the movie from megastars Hanks and Julia Roberts as the CIA spook who helps Charlie Wilson pull of his war.

The Host
This Korean monster movie is a crazy genre hybrid, switching tones between over the top comedy to edge of your set horror to tear jerking pathos at the drop of the hat. When pollution, dumped by American companies, creates a pissed off monster who lives in an urban river, a family fights to find their missing kid. Also, the monster looks really cool, and the filmmakers are wise enough to not hide him until the end of the movie... we get to see the beast early and often.

Persepolis
The animated tale of a defiant Iranian girl growing up during the Muslim revolution, this movie proves that cartoons aren't just for kids. The lovely black and white animation is used to tell a personal, political tale in a medium usually reserved for fart jokes, dated upon release pop culture jokes, and cute talking animals (not to say there's anything wrong with talking animals, considering how gorgeous "Ratatouille" turned out to be.)

The Bourne Ultimatum
The third film in the "Bourne" spy franchise is light on story, and heavy on action. Normally, this would be a criticism of the film, but my god, what awesome action. Paul Greengrass stages his globe trotting action sequences with nerve jangling shaky cam and claustrophobic close ups... and he, unlike most action directors, doesn't forget to make each sequence suspenseful. The movie is a breathless, non stop chase, and it's one of the most exciting action movies in years.

Black Book
Paul Verhoeven returned to Europe after making one too many expensive flops in America... and delivers an excellent tale of a Jewish girl infiltrating a Gestapo headquarters for the Resistence... and falling in love with the Nazi she is supposed to seduce. A crackling, well made thriller with a great performance from the gorgeous Carice Van Houte, Verhoeven's film is none too subtle (like the rest of his work,) but it's exciting, engrossing, and alive.

Grindhouse
The three hour "Grindhouse" experience is an argument for the very act of going to the movies. Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez lovingly recreated the experience of exploitation double features while making very good films in the process of referencing generally very bad ones.

RadioSmiths

2007-11-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

Radiohead covers The Smiths' "The Headmaster Ritual."

This is awesome because (as anyone who knows me is fully aware) The Smiths are my all time favorite band. And I discovered Le Smiths by reading interviews with Radiohead, who always list them, The Pixies, and Kraftwerk as their three big influences. Which made me check them out, and knocked Radioheasd off the top spot of...well, being my favorite band.
And oh yeah, the cover kicks total ass. It's probably my favorite Smiths cover I've heard...most covers of their works sounds lacking without his Morrissey-ness singing. But Radiohead, being probably the best, most interesting, and probably most influential band in the world right now, make it their own. Also, it's nice to see the guys in the band, who make generally grim and brainy music, just having fun playing a song they obviously love.
Radiohead's new album, (which, as you've heard unless you live under a rock, is available for download only on their website,) "In Rainbows" is fucking excellent, by the way.

Jack's Back...Soonish

2007-10-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

Fox premiered a promo for the seventh season of "24" during the Red Sox/ Rockies World Series Game last night.
Here's a longer version of the clip, (obviously not taken from the game, considering Kiefer's intro thanks "all the British fans of the show.")

It looks like they'll get back on track after "24" fans were letdown by the meandering sixth season, but I have a few random thoughts just based on these two minutes of footage:
- After all the controversy about torture at Gitmo, and the release of the new torture drama "Rendition," it's kind of weird to see the show kind of spitting in the face of anti-torture advocates. Jack Bauer telling a senator that he doesn't regret torturing terrorists is kind of a creepy moment, especially since the most interesting parts of season six were the moments when Jack was obviously torn up and disgusted with himself about the fact that he had to torture. The guy spent a year in a Chinese prison being tortured himself. And then, later in the promo, when his new female partner says "do whatever it takes...torture him if you have to," it's kind of a weird moment. Weirder still is when Jack responds and says "I'm gonna enjoy this." When did Jack start getting off on torturing the bad guys? I always gave "24" a pass for the show's questionable depiction of torture because, y'know, it's an action adventure fantasy show...but that moment was just kind of icky.
-Jack Bauer would think I'm just being a pussy about the whole torture issue.
-That female agent who says she "can handle Jack Bauer?" Yeah, probably not.
-Tony's reappearance is no shocker, since his return to the show was reported a couple months ago all over the media (though it still doesn't make any sense that he lived after being stabbed with a syringe filled with poison,) but now he's a bad guy? He certainly looks the part these days, now that he's sporting a tightly shaved head to go with the angry/ anguished look on his face. But this is the first time one of Jack's closest allies has turned to the dark side since Nina in season one. Tony- say it aint so!
-Tony and his accomplices are attacking...the CIP firewall? Didn't they already do techy terrorists in "Die Hard 4?" Isn't it kind of goofy to put nerdy hackers against kick ass action heroes? Is there some exec at Fox who had the thought that "if Hans Gruber can't kill John McClane, maybe Bill Gates can!"
-Despite these reservations, Season 7 looks like it could be a return bad ass "24" goodness. We all deserve a nail biting, edge of our seats, adrenaline pumping season of "24." Especially those of us who stuck it out past the autistic kid in Season Six.

When a Man Is Pushed Far Enough, Killin's As Easy As Breathin'

2007-10-09T22:27:00.001-07:00

So I went to see an early screening of “John Rambo” tonight. For some reason, cinematic genius Joel Schmacher, the man behind “Batman and Robin” and “The Number 23” was on hand. I'm not really sure what he was doing there, but there he was, in all his glory.

Speaking of “John Rambo”...

The movie was a pure, Regan era, exploitation eighties fascist fantasy action movie. It was porn for conservative NRA members…dumb, crass, and even borderline creepy at times in its representation of the evil Burmese rapists and pedophile soldiers.

But when it kicked ass...man did it kick ass. It was so short that it barely felt feature length, yet the beginning stil dragged a bit. But once it got to Rambo killin'...oh mama. Blood, gore, people snapping in half, heads flying off bodies, bodies splitting in two, and a man being turned into nothing more than a gooey pile of guts after Rambo blows him away with a gattling gun at close range. Just kick ass.

It's probably the most violent American action movie that's not trying to say anything intelligent about violence (ala Cronenberg's recent work.) Or maybe it is trying to say something intelligent about violence, but fails miserably.

Whatever. It's Rambo. It probably the best direct to video action movie you'll see in theaters next year, and it spurts blood real nice. Just don't try to think too deeply about the actual, very serious geopolitical situation in Burma, and enjoy Sly's old man, circa 1986 rampage. He looks great for a 90 year old (it's probably the steroids,) though he certainly moves a lot slower than he did a few years ago.

I can't wait for him to do a follow up to “Cliffhanger.”

It Will Be Mine. Oh Yes. It Will Be Mine.

2007-09-05T12:14:00.000-07:00

So I got sucked into the iPhone hype a couple months ago, but resisted buying one...because I can't afford one. At all.
And now Apple announces what I've really been waiting for....the touch screen iPod. It's got all the funcionality of the iPhone, without...the phone part. Which I don't need, anyway, since I have a crappy Razr that never works.

It's got the touch screen, the beautiful design, and Wi-Fi. One problem...it's only got 16 gigs of memory. I can't put all my music on just 16 gigs. But whatever...I will have one. Soon.

Another Movie To Get Really Excited About

2007-08-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

Here's the delightful trailer for Michel Gondry's "Be Kind Rewind," coming out in December:

Maybe there's won't be much of a story other than Jack Black and Mos Def remaking those classic films, but I really enjoy the trailer. It looks like a really fun love letter to cinephiles everywhere.

I have a feeling that, now that we're coming to the end of the summer blockbuster cycle, the remainder of 2007 could be really special for anybody who loves movies that are about more than big explosions.

WiiTF?

2007-07-12T15:57:00.001-07:00

So the Wii Fit trailer was released at E3 this week:

My favorite part of the trailer is when the kid is playing the soccer mini-game... after the digital ball smacks his avatar in the head, he actually rubs his physical, real world head. Does this game smack you in the face if you fail? Cause that, my friends, would be a breakthrough in interactivity.

And seriously, there's an effing YOGA MINIGAME? I mean, for all the Joke Wii games that people have come up with, nobody could have dreamed of, let alone believe Nintendo themselves would put out, a YOGA MINIGAME!

Wii Fit is just the latest example of Nintendo's isanely popular line of video games that aren't actually, technically, in the strictest sense of the phrase, y'know... well, games. This new one fits right in with their very successful "Brain Age" games, which are designed to excercise your brain muscles... and which are so popular that Nicole Kidman is starring in tv spots advertising them:

As ridiculous as it looks, if Wii Fit is actually a fun way to lose some pounds, then I'm all for it. I do like the idea that the pad weighs you and tells you your fitness progress. Maybe they'll even have a Wii Channel where Mario is your personal trainer and berates you into losing more weight, (even though that pasta eating hypocrite doesn't have much room to talk.) As long as I don't have a bag of Doritos and a six pack of beer in front of me while I play it, it might actually be helpful.

Rudin Power!

2007-07-12T14:12:00.001-07:00

I used to intern for uber-producer Scott Rudin, who is notorious around Hollywood for his temper and the way he abuses his assistants. Lucky for me, as an intern, I was never on the receiving end of any of one of his mythical tantrums, though I witnessed a loud blow up or two.

But despite the man’s very ill temper, he’s one of the few true genius producers in Hollywood. I just looked at the slate of movies he’s got his name on this year…and almost every film I’m dying to see in the next six months is produced by Rudin. He’s on fire right now, working with some of my absolute favorite working filmmakers…I mean, the guy has the new Wes Anderson, P.T. Anderson, and Coen Brothers movies coming out this year? Are you kidding me?

This is the list of Rudin’s offerings for the rest of 2007:

THERE WILL BE BLOOD
PT Anderson’s period piece, loosely based on Upton Sinclair’s novel “Oil!” The movie stars the mesmerizing Daniel Day Lewis, is scored by musical genius Jon Brion, tells a story that is near and dear to my liberal heart, has an amazing trailer, and is, oh yeah, a new PT Anderson movie. I can’t wait for this one.

THE DARJEELING LIMITED
There is not much known about Wes Anderson’s new comedy/ drama. The internet is buzzing with rumors that Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody, and Jason Schwartzman play siblings on a journey across India, searching for a magical tiger that their father has been resurrected in. But in a recent interview, Anderson denied that the tiger has anything to do with the plot, so I’m not really sure what to expect from this one. The guy made my favorite movie of all time, “Rushmore,” and he’s probably my favorite director. Also, he cast Natalie Portman, which is a plus. Anyone think I’ll be seeing this?

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
Based on Cormac McCarthy’s novel of the same name, the Coen’s new flick got raves at Cannes and looks like a return to form after their disappointing comedy “The Ladykillers.” The trailer makes the movie look tough and mean, and it seems like a throwback to the Coen’s earlier work, like their brilliant debut, “Blood Simple.” And Javier Bardem looks like he’s going to be amazing in this.

MARGOT AT THE WEDDING
This is writer/ director Noah Baumbach’s follow-up to “The Squid and the Whale,” which was a very good comedic drama about divorce that featured a career best performance from the always underrated Jeff Daniels. A lot of people loved that movie, though I thought it had a few problems. That said, I really dig the trailer to “Margot.” It looks like he’s matured a bit as a director, and what a solid cast. Jack Black looks like he’s really growing as a performer. I’m really pulling for this one to be a home run for Baumbach.

STOP LOSS
Kimberly Pierce finally follows up her excellent “Boys Don’t Cry,” which came out in the previous millennium. This one tells the story of a soldier who deserts the war in Iraq. Sure to be controversial, in a good, very intelligent way. Also, it has “Deadwood’s” Timothy Olyphant, who is finally blowing up these days. Good for him.

NOTHING IS PRIVATE
Writer Alan Ball (“Six Feet Under,” “American Beauty”.) makes his big screen directorial debut about a young Arab-American teenager struggling with her sexuality and bigotry in what is sure to be a provocative, political, and sharp movie. I’ve read a few advanced reviews for this one that were singing the film’s praises. I’m not as huge a fan of “American Beauty” as I was in high school, but I love “Six Feet Under.” This could be great.

MARGARET
Like “Stop Loss,” this one is from a great filmmaker who hasn’t done anything in years. Kenneth Lonergan, who made the fantastic “You Can Count On Me” back in 2000, finally returns to the director’s chair in this story of a young woman who witnesses a bus accident and is swept up in the aftermath to the tragedy. I don’t know much about this one, but I’m excited to see what Lonergan has to offer with his second feature.

THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL and I COULD NEVER BE YOUR WOMAN
These two are chick flicks, and not strictly up my alley, but they both look like they could at least be intelligent and good. “The Other Boleyn Girl” is a period piece about two sisters (Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson) competing for the affections of King Henry VIII (“Munich’s” Eric Bana.) Even if this costume drama is boring, I can at least dream that Portman and Johansson, probably my two biggest actress crushes, are competing for my affections. Lucky you, Eric. “I Could Never Be Your Woman,” from “Clueless” and “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” director Amy Heckerling is about a mother (Michelle Pfeiffer) falling in love with a younger man, played by the hilarious Paul Rudd, who has been picking great roles for the last few years. I don’t know if I’ll see either of these flicks, but if they get great reviews, I’ll certainly check them out.

As a former employee at his company, it makes me kind of proud to see Rudin kicking ass and taking names. It’s amazing to see just how good Rudin’s taste is and how intelligent his choices are. None of his movies are guaranteed mainstream hits, but they’re from the best filmmakers in the business, almost all of whom seem to be taking big risks with controversial and ambitious subject matter. It’s also a testament to how well he works with filmmakers…he may give the people under him hell, but he treats the creative talent really well and gives them an amazing amount of creative control for high profile films. (The amount of rope he gives filmmakers probably explains why all those poor assistants put up with the abuse he dishes out...they figure "I'm willing to take a stapler, hot cup of coffee, or even a computer monitor to the head if I can eventually get a chance to make the kinds of movies that P.T. Anderson, Wes Anderson, and the Coen Brothers get to make.") It’s also very impressive that, in these sequel obsessed times, he can get smart, adult, and controversial movies made at the big studios. I just hope that these movies do well, and maybe Rudin takes home that best picture Oscar that’s alluded him his whole career... if only for the sake of his poor assistants.